psalm_onethirtyone: (Men Behaving Stupidly)
[personal profile] psalm_onethirtyone
So we watched the Seventh Seal to-day for religion/history class, and I live-Tweeted it, because I am boring and enchanted by modern technology. I also thought I was kind of funny, so I have reproduced it here. >_>

Warnings for: Rape, immaturity.


--Watching "The Seventh Seal". Lotta dies irae happening up in here.

--Dear Mr. Bergman: Horses prolly don't actually drink sea water.

--THERE IS SO MUCH SYMBOLISM HAPPENING.

--OHO. DEATH GOT THE BLACK CHESS PIECE.

--...yeah, I'm going to livetweet this, don't judge me. It makes it more bearable.

--...and then random dirty ballads.

--OH NO. YOU ASKED A DEAD GUY FOR DIRECTIONS.

--Dead guy's dog is like "...yeah? BET YOU FEEL DUMB NOW."

--"Have I had breakfast? I'M A HORSE, YOU FUCKER."

--"Awww, honey, you're so cute when you hallucinate religious imagery."

--These people do not seem to be deeply invested in their baby.

--I... I can't tell if we're supposed to care about these people or not. Also, guys, your baby left.

--"You LOVE me? Jesus, lady, we're just raising a baby together! I'm not looking for commitment!"

--"Look! I painted people suffering horribly! Isn't that AWESOME?"

--This guy is like "...can I go back to the Crusades now? I think those were less violent and disturbing."

--Death, you are a creeper. Dude is just trying to confess, and you're standing there all "YOU BEAT ME AT CHESS, YOU FUCKER".

--HEY. HEY. GET BACK HERE, SUBTITLES.

--You should maybe not tell the priest your chess strategies while Death is creeping on you.

--Mr. Squire, you are a bad artist.

--The knight is all "YOU AREN'T ALLOWED TO HAVE FUN. I JUST TOLD DEATH MY CHESS STRATEGY."

--Apparently some lesbian caused the plague by sleeping with the Devil.

--This film stinks of Guy de Maupassant.

--Mr. Squire, you are a bad singer.

--Man, the symbolism was fine, but I draw the line at rape. EVEN SYMBOLIC.

--The chick is like, "O..kay, you guys moralise. I'm gonna run."

--Mr. Squire, your sleeves are RIDICULOUS.

--"I could have raped you, but that's boring! I might enslave you, though."

--"COME ON. I STOPPED THAT OTHER GUY FROM RAPING YOU, THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IS BE MY SLAVE."

--Aww, piggies.

--I... I think that maybe I just don't understand medieval humour.

--OHO, ANKLES. This I understand!

--SEXY CLEAVAGE PICNIC.

--SEXY DRUMSTICK PARTY.

--CAREFUL WITH YOUR SEXYTIEMS, YOU STEPPED ON THE CHICKEN.

--Oh hey, it's the cast of Monty Python! How'd you guys get in here?

--I like that everyone goes "whipping and incense! That's way better than clowns!"

--"YOUR NOSE IS BIG. YOU'RE GOING TO HELL."

--The clowns are like "Holy Jesus, WE JUST WANTED TO JUGGLE".

--"Have you seen my wife?" "Eh, she's probably having a sexy drumstick party with the clowns."

--"I think I might kill my wife." "Well, as long as you kill the clown, too."

--People are pretty into poking each other in the eye with knives in this film.

--"Don't hurt me! I don't even LIKE drumsticks!"

--WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHICKENS.

--Medieval Sweden: There simply isn't enough to do around here, so we like to torture clowns.

--Mr. Squire's sleeves are laying a beatdown.

--The knife probably helped, tho.

--"Honey, how many times do I have to tell you? PEOPLE HATE CLOWNS. OF COURSE YOU GOT BEAT UP."

--omgggg they're eating strawberries. I want strawberries. ;__;

--Death is all, "I'm sorry, were you having a nice time? I'M STILL HERE."

--Ohhh, Death is SO coming for that baby.

--"I still can't find my wife!" "Yeah, well, women suck anyway. Just forget it." "You're right! MURDEROUS RAMPAGE."

--Mr. Squire, you are not exactly Dear Abby.

--THE POOR GODDAMN CHICKENS.

--"I'm sorry I tortured you, Mr. Clown. IT CAN BE HUGS TIEMS NAO?" "AAAH FUCK"

--...sledgehammer chase scene?

--That's right, insult the man with the sledgehammer.

--Lotta good survival skills being displayed here.

--Death, you are SUCH A FUCKING CREEPER.

--Oh, hey, back to the lesbian who slept with the devil.

--Oh, good, skulls. That's promising.

--"Did you really have sex with the Devil? Because that's kind of hot."

--Death, you are a little bit of an asshole.

--SYMBOLISM.

--Aw, is he going to drug her so she doesn't realise she's being burnt to death? That's... kind of sweet?

--This is not as funny as when it happened to Nicholas Cage. Just sayin'.

--There is some serious Stockholm Syndrome going on with Mr. Squire and his kidnapped slavelady.

--"I MIGHT HAVE THE PLAGUE. CAN I COME TOUCH ALL YOU GUYS?"

--"Look, he's just going to die. Don't you feel better?"

--"Holy shit, is he... IS HE PLAYING CHESS WITH DEATH?"

--It is a little hard to take a hero named "Antonius Block" seriously.

--Seriously, I think that baby is going to get it, and I'M NOT SORRY.

--Wait, this is his home? That is... pretty goddamn depressing. THERE'S NO FURNITURE. HOW DOES HE LIVE WITHOUT A COUCH AT LEAST?

--Stockholm Syndrome girl looks just THRILLED to be in this furnitureless house, having Revelation read aloud to her.

--Even Antonius is a bit "I came back from the Crusades for this?"

--I think Stockholm Syndrome girl can see Death. --Oh, yeah, she definitely can.

--WELL ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE, JUST LINE UP TO DIE.

--Lisa is like "WHY DIDN'T I STAY WITH THE CLOWN?"

--I'm trying to figure out whether Stockholm Syndrome girl has ever actually gotten a single line of dialogue, and I think she really hasn't.

--WELL NOW SHE HAS.

--I bet everyone in this film is just hoping to make it through alive.

--THE BABY SURVIVED? YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

--THE END.
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Soujin

January 2012

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