psalm_onethirtyone: (Annie with Red Hair)
Three more poems. There's only one other one besides these, but Friday is the last editing day, so I haven't quite finished it yet.

Death )

*this poem is a re-imagining (not really a rewrite; but it's based off the same poem) of a poem I wrote two years ago called "Swan Song". Which is here, if you're interested in contrasting (I thought it was interesting).


Warning, I guess: this is a poem about trans* people, and it's a bit more graphic than my usual; there's mention of rape and suicide and trans* people being killed. Every death in this poem is based on a real thing that happened; the second stanza deaths were both news items I was made aware of.

Six Ways I Don't Have to Die )


Diane )
psalm_onethirtyone: (The Perfect Pool)
Got my Yuletide assignment yesterday. It's pretty cool and I think there is a lot of potential in it, and I think I also can do a good job with it -- certain elements of it weird me out, but the prompter gave me a lot to work with so I think I leave some things out while still giving them what they want. So I am excited!

I go home to-day for Thanksgiving, so I'll be scarce for the next week.


A presenter in my cog psych class used this page about art by autistic people in his presentation, and I thought that was pretty neat, so here is the link. It is pretty cool from both an art and a mental shenanigans standpoint. (I also ended up talking about the gender issues surrounding autism with the professor after class, which was pretty neat -- she agreed with [ profile] mhari and said that autism is generally viewed as a "boy's disorder" and not something girls are supposed to get.)

Octopodes can go on land and that is totally awesome. Plus also super cute.

Although we already knew that, Ann Coulter is a maniac and I don't understaaaand, Jesus. I don't want to live on this planet any more? Liz said I should move to Canada, but I feel it is my duty to model sane Christianity for people in America.

I am currently using this programme to try and manage my issues with computer light = migraines; I've only had it downloaded for a day, so I haven't got a real clear idea of how well it works yet, but it's an interesting idea.

This tumblr exists and it is pretty pro -- Ugly Renaissance Babies.

A really interesting essay/article on why "born this way" is a bad argument for queerness.

This guy is my hero -- a devout Muslim whose faith led him to try to save the man who shot him. I heard an interview with him on NPR on Sunday -- he was really incredible. Warning: Article contains pictures of headshot.

For your webcomic organising needs, piperka is a great site for tracking updates and keeping stuff neat.

Finally, when you have just delivered a good Caruso zinger, the instant CSI. Yeahhhhh!
psalm_onethirtyone: (Therefore Be Free)
Ohay giez, I put a fic up for auction at [ profile] thepurpledove here. :D

Also, I am writing too much Sherlock fic what even.

psalm_onethirtyone: (Narwhals Narwhals Swimmin' in the Ocean)

Trans )


Paper Thin Hotel )

**this poem is a tribute to Leonard Cohen, as evidenced by the references to Famous Blue Raincoat, Paper Thin Hotel, and his rather unique singing voice.


Psychophysics )


Apitoxin )


Genesis )
psalm_onethirtyone: (You Done Good)
A few things:

1. I posted this on my facebook, but I will repost it because I like fussing about religion. hackedirl posted this image to-day, but see, I don't thing it really counts as a hack, because it basically IS a paraphrase of John 7:37-38 ("Let anyone who is thirsty come to me, and let the one who believes in me drink. As the scripture has said, “Out of the believer’s heart shall flow rivers of living water.”") I think this might make me an appalling nerd (not least because when I saw it I immediately command-T'd a new tab, popped open my bible search engine, entered the verse, and did a comparison). But really!

2. To-day (or yesterday, whatever) is National Coming Out Day. I came out as bisexual to some people, because that is the easy way of putting it, and as a biromantic Kinsey 4.5 to facebook, because that is what I tell people in real life, but in actual fact I am probably a panromantic polyamorous homosexual, so isn't that nice. Coming Out Day is not my best day ever.

3. To-morrow (or to-day) is AVED (Asexuality Awareness and Education Day)! Since I have at least four friends who are ace, and I'm pretty sure my sister is, I would like to take this moment to say that you are required to do a shot of whatever you have handy any time someone asks "does asexual mean they BUD?". It wasn't funny the first time, it's not funny the umpty-squillionth. Just for reference.

4. Forgot to go to the doctor's to-day, migraine has come back to punish me. I am rather annoyed. Anyway I have two midterm exams this week, one in Accounting and one in Comm, and sadly I think I'm going to be fine with the Accouting and fail the Comm, because my Comm professor is a very cheerful madwoman. Also, haven't gotten back my Sosh midterm because the professor had a death in the family (which is an extremely good reason not to hand back midterms) and I get my ConRes one to-morrow, but the upside of all this is that the only class I currently know my grade in is Psych, and I'm getting a C+. So that's all very depressing, but at least I've only had to take one panic attack pill so far since getting them two weeks ago.

5. Despite a lot of these points being kind of whiny, I'm in a really good mood. I spent the evening with Liz watching Paranormal Activity, which is a deliciously terrible film, and I borrowed her Nutella to make sandwiches. Now if I can just get some decent sleep I think things will be okay.

6. FALL BREAK IS FRIDAY. I am taking Liz, Amanda, Joyce, and [ profile] isjusterin home with me. Tres, tres excited, especially because the first two are from Long Island and Joyce is from city-Taiwan. I am hoping to culture-shock the hell out of this weekend. It will be great.
psalm_onethirtyone: (He Does Not)
Originally posted by [ profile] neo_prodigy at Spirit Day

It’s been decided. On October 20th, 2010, we will wear purple in honor of the 6 gay boys who committed suicide in recent weeks/months due to homophobic abuse in their homes at at their schools. Purple represents Spirit on the LGBTQ flag and that’s exactly what we’d like all of you to have with you: spirit. Please know that times will get better and that you will meet people who will love you and respect you for who you are, no matter your sexuality. Please wear purple on October 20th. Tell your friends, family, co-workers, neighbors and schools.

RIP Tyler Clementi, Seth Walsh (top)
RIP Justin Aaberg, Raymond Chase (middle)
RIP Asher Brown and Billy Lucas. (bottom)

REBLOG to spread a message of love, unity and peace.

This is not okay, not in our world.
psalm_onethirtyone: (Men Behaving Stupidly)
Fff here is the letter I sent to Res Life. I am hoping it is basically professional:

Mr. [redacted],

I am writing regarding the issue of [redacted], the transgendered woman who is currently not allowed to use the female restrooms on campus. I really would like to express that I think this is appalling. [Redacted] may not be biologically female, but she is attempting to transition into a lifestyle that is appropriate to the gender she identifies with. Just as I would find it incredibly uncomfortable to be told that I was not a real woman and could only use male restrooms and showers, she is uncomfortable, and is feeling that there is a sense of stigma and insufficiency beginning to surround her and her identity. Transgendered folks are already marginalised by society and told that they are not "real" men and women because they don't happen to be lucky enough to have a biological sex that matches their gender identity. When we support that marginalisation and discriminatory culture we enhance feelings of shame and inability to fit in, and make people put their lives on hold while we--the privileged people in the conflict--argue over whether or not we are willing to concede civil rights to people who deserve them by virtue of being people.

Please consider that while it seems like a small issue to us cis folks because we can use whatever bathroom we want without even having to think about it, to a trans person this is a really big deal--a part of their identity is being completely denied. Small things like this are what lead to escalations in the larger society when we label people's differences with negative connotations. I know that Res Life is trying to resolve the issue appropriately, but I think that as members of a purportedly forward-thinking college and as decent human beings we cannot just "hide" our trans students off-campus or pretend that their gender identity is irrelevant. [Redacted] deserves the rights and consideration of any other student, woman, and person.

Thank you for your time,

I think this is okay? I am bad at writing angry letters. Incidentally, the student mentioned in this e-mail is currently facing suspension for using the women's restrooms/showers, and that Res Life has tried to fix the problem by offering her off-campus housing, which she feels would be not actually solving the problem. Also I think I am hoping that this letter reflects both some familiarity with transgendered issues and the fact that I am taking Interpersonal Comm and Conflict Resolution this semester (I want to be able to communicate!).

Anyway, it took me a whole damn hour to write and that is why I am not in bed like I want to be, so now that OTHER PEOPLE'S PROBLEMS HAVE INCONVENIENCED ME!!11!, I am going to try to get some sleep for once. >_> To-morrow is poetry day! yay!
psalm_onethirtyone: (Therefore Be Free)
Well, a great big congratulations to all y'all in California who are now remarried, about to get married, or able to be married in the future.

Well-played, Mr. Judge Guy. Well-played.
psalm_onethirtyone: (God Dammit)
So here's the deal. A bunch of the people I know, while generally nice people, do not seem to know the difference between 'this is a legitimate cause for annoyance' and 'this makes you look like a smug self-righteous douchebag'. So I am making a little primer to help with the problem.

The Culprit: Toria and Andy
The Crime: They have a lot of sex. A lot.
You Shut Up and Sit the Hell Down About This: They have a lot of sex.
S/he Deserves to DIAF Because of This: They like to tell you about it.

The Culprit: Jake
The Crime: Having a great deal of unpopular/unpleasant opinions.
You Shut Up and Sit the Hell Down About This: His morbid obesity.
S/he Deserves to DIAF Because of This: Stalking me for a semester.

The Culprit: Vesper
The Crime: Being a nerdy kid in my philosophy class. Also, a ginger.
You Shut Up and Sit the Hell Down About This: His potential Asperger's.
S/he Deserves to DIAF Because of This: "Women created the glass ceiling themselves. They choose low-paying jobs."

The Culprit: Lady Gaga
The Crime: Writing popular music.
You Shut Up and Sit the Hell Down About This: Her being transgendered.*
S/he Deserves to DIAF Because of This: Bad Romance has been stuck in my head for over a week.

I hope this was helpful. I only wish I could distribute copies en masse to the people I know.

*I can find absolutely NO evidence to suggest that Lady Gaga is transgendered or transsexual or anything of the kind, but since people WILL NOT shut up about it, here it appears.


In other news, campus is showing Sherlock Holmes free on the quad to-night. COUNT ME IN. I am still working on my Bechdel-approved Mary Watson/Irene Adler fic for [ profile] lokogato, so this is srs bsns.

Also, FREE COMICS DAY in State College to-morrow. Oh hell yes.

Now I just need to finish my paaaaper.

Edit: Woke up this morning and I CAN BREATHE AGAIN. I might finally be getting over this stupid cold omg.
psalm_onethirtyone: (HEE!)
Oh lord. Okay. So the drag show was to-night. The one where I went as Hugh Hefner, and Shawn was a Playboy Bunny?

We won third place. We won third place. It was incredible. I can't describe the experience to you.

But here are a few of the photos I currently have: I did my own makeup. Also, check out my amazingly manly arm hair. It didn't actually show in the final product because my sleeves were buttoned, but. And my hair has Reed Richards stripes because that's what Hef has in some of the pictures. And that pipe is my grandfather's. And to-day is Hugh Hefner's birthday. Or yesterday. Anyway, I hope someone else has photos, especially of our act, because it went so beautifully.

Also, Jen is sleeping in my bed. I wonder if I can get her to make room for me.
psalm_onethirtyone: (Dye My Eyes and Call Me Pretty)
This morning I went shopping with Liz and Erin for the Drag Show--I am going as Hugh Hefner, I am sorry to say. :D I'm still working on what song I want--Erin suggests "I Get a Kick Out of You", which I think may be the winner--and I need to see if I can find one of my boy friends willing to be a Playboy Bunny. :D :D

Now I have a massive headache (lately I have been getting edge-of-migraine headaches all the time, I'm not really sure why. I think it has something to do with when I take my meds, since I'm less likely to get them when I take my meds at around 8, 9, 10 o'clock and more likely to get them when I take at 12, 1, 2 ish. So I think that's the problem), so I'm taking some aspirin and going to try and get my essay done.

If this essay gets done, my weekend is basically golden. I only have a chapter of Anthropology, some scattered French, and History that's not really due until Tuesday, so the essay is the big looming thing. It's only a five-pager, too, it's just that I have... basically no inspiration whatsoever and I wrote four pages yesterday but they're no good so I have to start over from scratch. However! Once it's done, my life improves massively.

And to-night I am going to see a show with Liz. So that should be fun!

Now I will do work.
psalm_onethirtyone: (Let's Pick Each Other Up)
Back to the whole frantic sleeping-in-my-clothes frazzled-every-minute-of-the-day thing. I think I'm annoying the hell out of everybody, too--definitely feeling like friends are being cooler than usual.

So tired all the time. I feel like I'm always working but never getting anything done; I have a French exam to-morrow that I have literally not studied for, I barely understand my o.chem, I have two papers to write on Friday and a research project due Tuesday the twenty-fourth, plus LAB which I hate not because it's hard but because it eats away huge chunks of my time for no discernible purpose. And I just. So. tired.

On the plus side, I love les femmes.

On the down, I feel like things are slipping out of my hands in a way I can't control. Come back, come back. I can't stand this feeling of helplessless, I hate knowing that I can't shape things into sense. This afternoon I kidnapped a girl out of my titrations lab and ranted at her about a bunch of things that scare me right now. She ran away. I need to get control.
psalm_onethirtyone: (He Does Not)
This [webpage about religion and homosexuality] is absolutely fascinating. In fact, the whole website is pretty fascinating. Take a look.

p.s. I am off my meds and feel really weird. My room starts spinning around any time I move; I think it's basically vertigo. Maggie's music is NOT helping.
psalm_onethirtyone: (Feet)
And in case you're wondering what prompted that last post, I'm still having issues with boys. It's--extremely silly.

Things would be very straightforward, by the way, if Liz weren't asexual. I would just offer my heart to her and hold her hand and be happy for-ever.

But the thing is that boy one just got a girlfriend, within the last two weeks, and I was very sorry but of course that's his right and I wasn't really doing a very good job of being proactive, so that's all right, time to get over it and I don't mind, and then boy two, who's been away for a while, came to visit, and I've always liked him a little. And he came in to see us while we were all sitting around watching a movie, and he was really drunk and I went to hug him and when I did I thought for one second that he was honestly going to kiss me, and I realised that I would be perfectly okay with that, and now I'm all shook up. It's like the plot of a romantic comedy! Next thing you know Jennifer Aniston will be starring in SOUJIN'S LIFE: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE LULZ and dear God. I am not pleased.

So. Not that it matters anyway, since boy two isn't even coming back to school until next semester. Idk why I even bother, flist. I just dk.
psalm_onethirtyone: (Mattress Sheep!)
1. I watched the DS9 episode [ profile] erinpuff sent me. Oh Mr. Siddig. I love you SO much I can't stand it. It's just not fair for a man to be that inhumanly attractive, akfjsafjs. Also adorkable, I mean. Honestly. A young beardless Alexander Siddig playing a doctor playing JAMES BOND oh dear god I love him so much. And then at the end Qarak's all, "so I suppose you're going to be putting away this fantasy" and he's all "HELL NO". oh man. I love him so much it's not even funny.

2. I have CSI season three! and these are my last three days at home before adirondacks+school. So I have nineteen episodes to watch before Friday. CAN I DO IT? probably. Expect me to get nothing done, I will be camped in my room with Gary Dourdan and Jorja Fox for the next seventeen hours. Oh God Mr. Dourdan dreadlocked his afro, it is ridiculously cute ARGH. Why is Television turning me straight?

...I think that's my new conspiracy. MOTHERS, TELL YOUR DAUGHTERS. Corruption and filth and adorable male leads! Television will corrupt the minds of young bisexuals! Idek.
psalm_onethirtyone: (God Dammit)


I have Jesus Movie Marathon again to-night for my religion class, and I can ONLY HOPE that the all-encompassing love of the Saviour keeps me from wishing the eight plagues and a gay grandchild on you. GOOD CHRIST WOMAN. Not only are you giving many viewers of Fox News (NOT ALL OF WHOM SUCK I HAPPEN TO KNOW) false information that will undermine the whole purpose of the very bill being passed, but his mother was RIGHT THERE. DIAF.

psalm_onethirtyone: (Grow a Little Good)
SO I. Made what may simultaneously be the wisest and most annoying choice of my college career: I changed my major. I am now a muddy little piggy religion major. :D

This is really good because now I don't have to take Bio III, Frontiers of Bio, and a bunch of other classes that are mandatory for the bio major but not mandatory for med school. It cuts out a lot of expectations as well. Also, med schools like students with non-bio majors. I'll be able to do study abroad, which hitherto was not really a viable option. I'll be able to take Rural Healthcare classes, which hitherto was not a viable option. I'll be able to take all the religion classes I want! And I don't have to switch advisors, because I already have a religion professor as my general advisor; all I have to do is ask him to be my major advisor, and change my major advisor to my general advisor, which is apparently a single form.

This is really going to make my life hard because I will have to take the MCAT after senior year, not the end of junior. Also I will have to take a sort of bio-III-esque class prior to going to med school. Also I will spend the next four years explaining to people that I am going to be a doctor, not a priest, for reals.

So. Hopefully it should be obvious why this a good choice. I am so happy. I feel freed and excited and mmmmmm.

Also it's Pride Week, and I think it's a really good Pride Week so far. We're finishing up with a drag ball on Saturday, which will be fun, not least because Phil wants us to try and make him look like a girl. Luckily, Mama gave me all this makeup before I went to school which I have not even touched because I don't wear makeup, so we will have ample resources for covering up his persistent five o'clock shadow.

I just want to dance everywhere. I like me! I really like me. I like what life looks like. I like my polyromantic bisexual loose-limbed dark-eyed barefoot fat dancing self. I just want to sing everywhere I go. And Nick smiled at me a lot Tuesday night; he has the most gorgeous smile. I don't know how to explain this, except that I feel so full of love for everyone, I feel like welcoming everything that comes, and I feel that I have the right to be tickled pink and filled with joy when a boy with a beautiful smile sends it my way on a Tuesday night. I have a right to myself as a pretty girl and it's all right to enjoy myself and life and the people around me. And I do. And I wish I could scrapbook all the smiles I've ever gotten, how uniquely beautiful they all are, and how much I love them, in the moment and in the past. Mmmmsmiling.

To-morrow I am going to wear the yoke-and-ruffle skirt that makes me feel gorgeous.
psalm_onethirtyone: (Nay Nor Woman Neither)
I was just thinking about this, because [ profile] reconditarmonia posted about it in her LJ sort of, and.

Sexuality is really fluid, isn't it? And I was thinking about this, because I think it's fairly acknowledged that sexuality is fluid, and yet people seem to do a pretty bad job of looking at it that way, myself included. It's not binary, that we acknowledge: you aren't just gay or straight, there's gay and bi and pan and trans and intersex and bicurious and heteroromantic and asexual and just so many things out there, and when you are one of them it's a big part of your identity, I think (and before anybody says anything about how their sexuality is a big part of their identity, I don't mean expressed identity here). It definitely makes up its piece in who you are.

But it's changeable, not by force of will but by time and maturity and slow but solid things, the way you can't make yourself taller by wishing but someday you may get taller, or you may just as easily stay the same.

The funny thing is, I think we really tend to treat sexuality like a permanent thing, and, even more, like something that has to be diagnosed. Most people want to know what their sexuality is. I think that's probably because we exist in a culture so concerned with labels, with knowing who you are and where you fit in, what your place is--and that's not a negative concept, but I think it's a true one. And the deal, I think, is that sexuality does not need to be diagnosed. It's free-flowing and it's part of who you are, but if it's at all possible I think the best thing is really just to love who you love, whatever gender that person happens to be, whatever gender you happen to be.

Now obviously that won't happen because there are societal conventions to contend with, there's what we grow up with and what we learn. On the other hand, I really think I'm happiest when I'm not worrying about whether I like girls or boys better, when I just realise that I like someone and enjoy the fact that I do. Sexual desire and crushing and romance and all that jazz are just totally normal parts of being a human being, really of being an animal, and they're not there to confuse and threaten. Biologically they're there to propagate a species (and, as [ profile] holyschist pointed out, to community-build), but from a less scientific point of view, they're there to enjoy. We're a species blessed with the capability to love and sex and do both or just one or neither or however we like best, and there's no reason to be disturbed by that.

So here's the deal: there are people here I like. Is it fun having crushes, unfulfilled or not? Yes, it totally is. Is it fun when I get to kiss someone I like who likes me? Yes! It's wonderful. Should I not kiss people I don't like? That seems fairly logical. Can I pine for someone I like who isn't interested in me? Go wild, little Soujin. Do I have to worry about the gender of any of these people, and what that gender implies for my own sexual proclivities?

Nnnnot really. There's no reason why I should treat any of my relationships differently on the basis of gender and how it pertains to my orientation. That doesn't mean I won't; and it definitely shouldn't be taken to mean that there might not be societal repercussions (although Juniata is pretty open-minded and I don't think there would be). But why should I feel the need to label myself when my orientation honestly may change completely in a year, or five, or however long?

Who I love is a big part of who I am. But it will be part of me no matter what I call myself. I have decided, for the now, not to worry about it.

(On a side note: sometimes having a name for it is actually very important, especially for people who are confused and need a name to put to a feeling. But for people who are in fairly supportive environments where people are not going to care what your orientation is really, it seems fair to yourself not to worry yourself over it. You are who you are.)

And on a vaguely related note: America Ferrara is HOT. I hope she never loses weight.


psalm_onethirtyone: (Default)

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