psalm_onethirtyone: (Cascade Pond)
Tuesday's New York Times science section had an article this week on old people getting plastic surgery. That, coupled with my post from Tuesday, has led me to a rather icky discovery of something I did admittedly kind of already know. Which is that we kind of have this ideal, in America -- I don't know how it is in other cultures, having dog-paddled but never really been immersed in any other than American -- that old people are supposed to be adorable grandparents.

Old ladies are supposed to be tiny and do knitting, or fat and do baking, and old men are supposed to whittle things and dispense pithy pieces of wisdom and fix neighbourhood bikes. They're allowed to be lonely, but only so they can adopt small children as honourary grandchildren or be used to shame us generally into spending more time with our own old people. If they're bad-tempered or put their makeup on all over their faces or have to wear Attends or sag in random places, we turn them into the subjects of honestly very mean-spirited comedy.

And I'm not trying to say that everybody needs to go out and adopt some isolated nursing-home inmate, but really I think it's wrong both to idealise old age or to make fun of it. Idealising it removes us from all the problems that come with getting old and also makes it look like people who don't fit the ideal are defective -- hence, I think, things like old-person plastic surgery. I mean, Jesus Christ, this one woman in the article spent seventy-seven thou on facelifts to get rid of wrinkles and implants to cope with sagging breasts. She's eighty. At eighty, people should not have to focusing on this kind of thing. I cannot even count all the better ways to spend that money to enrich one's own life or someone else's. And at the same time this whole "lol let's as a culture shame old people and send them the message that once you are old your usefulness has ended and you should keep out of sight" thing is absolutely heinous.

The thing is, old people are just like everybody else, in that they deserve to be treated with respect. Whether they bake you apple pies and tell stories of their children, or have Alzheimer's and scream at you and refuse to bathe or -- like one old lady I visited while I was working -- have to be talked out of suicide. I've really kind of run the spectrum of old person personality types; I've had an adorable old man who wanted me to meet his cat and showed me around his house and called his wife "Mom", I've had a hilarious old lady with MS who was wheelchair-bound and showed me how to lift her from her chair to her toilet, I had an old man who was totally bedridden and with whom I communicated through really patchy hand signals, and an old lady who threatened to punch me while I was giving her her bath. And every single one of them deserved my respect and the best care I could give them, by virtue of being human beings. And I really hope that's how I've carried myself throughout this summer, and how I do for the rest of my life, because that's not just true of old people, it's true of everyone.

Which is not to say it wasn't hilarious when my one old gentleman had me burn a bonfire made of used Depends, or when Audrey (my Wednesday client) stole the dated brick from a condemned schoolhouse down the street from her apartment (actually, Audrey always does something funny when I visit. ♥ She makes me squee).

In other, non-soapboxy news, I stopped by Michael's to-day to enjoy my new and undoubtedly brief period of solvency. It's been about a whole week since I was over, so they already have about eleven-thousand new products in the scrapbooking section, and I was amazed and ... hilarified? amused is too gentle a word, I think. Hilarified to find that you can now buy adhesive metal gears and keys for your scrapbooking or cardmaking projects. At this point, I'm starting to think that 'steampunkery' should be a word in much the same way 'fuckery' is. I may start using it. "What kind of steampunkery is this?" I will say, staring in disbelief at the fact that you can now buy tiny watch faces as embellishments. They discontinued my goddamn copper pearlised dots that I use for eyes, but they've started producing tiny glitter-covered top hats and monocles that are already adhesive-backed.

Naturally I eschewed this silliness and instead managed to spend seventy-five dollars (!!!!) on scrapbook paper and cake glitter, and that embellished tape I've had my eye on for about six months now. >_>

I also went to Target and discovered that it is nearly impossible to find a black, wire-free bra in 38B. Did you know that there are a lot of black, wire-free bras in the nursing section? There are. There are a lot fewer in regular. But I got to embarrass a teenage male cashier by buying bras and underpants, and I found The Most Beautiful Scarf in the World, which I purchased because of its aesthetic qualities and also I love scarves and also it helps me pretend winter is NOW DAMMIT.

To-morrow I work at the library, and Saturday we are going to our vacation in the mountains. I look forward to sitting in the sun by the lake doing crossword puzzles and reading all day, as well as the greased-watermelon water polo that has become something of a family tradition. Also Maria's birthday! I finished her calender and everything. :D

I would say that to-day was a success.
psalm_onethirtyone: (Cascade Pond)
This has really been an almost perfect summer day. I don't have work, for what feels like the first time in ages, so I got up late this morning and got to wear whatever clothes I like -- which in this case is my new jean skirt and my blue shirt with the bicycle on it -- and eat breakfast slowly and do the crossword.

Then I drove down to Whispering Pines, and the first cling-stone peaches are in there, so I bought a basket of those as well as the things I actually went to get. I took the scenic route home by the sawmill and over Clark's Hill. I fed my fish; Tash is getting braver and braver. I haven't seen the new ones yet, but they always take a while to warm up. I fed and checked on my babies. I got the mail.

I finally finished all the artwork on my summer project, so I need to start doing the layout and text parts now, which I'll begin in a moment. The only nuisance is that my room is so hot, being upstairs, that I don't really feel like going up there. :P On that note, I do need to call the photographer.

I brought my favourite client blueberries yesterday, since they're in at the store, and since peaches are in now I think I'll bring her those next week. She was not doing super well yesterday -- she has trouble with anxiety and depression -- so I am kind of in a fuss-over-her mood right now. I made her shortcake yesterday to go with her blueberries, which I really hope she likes.

Pretty much the only downside to to-day is that I do get lonely when I'm home alone all day; and I'm still feeling a bit sick. --oh, except Mama just came home. So that's all right, I'll go bother her.

I'm pretty sure it's going to rain.
psalm_onethirtyone: (Annie with Red Hair)
So for those of you who are aware of my weekend of FUBAR (i.e. [livejournal.com profile] mhari, but shh), GUESS WHAT. My mother did not break her rib after all! Also, the ER doctor thought she was hilarious and prescribed her "full body armour". So that's cool.

I got up at six this morning to go see my client out in Hellafarawayville; the coworker who gave me report on him implied that he was a dirty old man who would try to get me into the shower with him by claiming he couldn't do his own personal care, but actually he was a complete sweetheart. We talked about his family, and his dead wife who he really misses, and farming, and I took care of his ancient blind Pomeranian, who was also a doll. He was pretty low-key -- once I made him his foods and gave him his medicine, he just wanted to talk. So we did! He said yesterday he went to his grandson's fourth of July party and shot clay pigeons for an hour. :D

Now I have an hour or so before I go to see my lady here in town, so I'm camping out at the library stealin' their WiFi before I head down there; it's way shorter than going home and then going out again, and if I don't go home between visits than I can claim reimbursement for mileage, so that is what I am doing. It's not so bad, except I am exhausted and really wish I could nap. Oh, well.

The rabbit chewed through the mouse cord on our computer at home, so we are in the process of seeing whether that can be fixed. If it can, I'll be online to-night. If it can't... hell if I know. My work schedule to-morrow and the day after that is insane anyway, though Wednesday I get to go back to my favourite client, who I only do a four-hour shift with. She is my favouritest favourite.

Positive: Thursday I got a koi and a shubunkin (Liung and Erik), and they are gorgeous. I am training them to come when called, like the others. It took a few weeks with Tash (catfish), but he caught on really well, so I am hoping they will too.
psalm_onethirtyone: (Spinny Wheel of Death)
I am... pretty much hot and miserable.

I am not sure how, but I ended up with the job of taking care of the poults, and the chicks (which arrive Friday), so to-morrow I will be getting the brooder shed ready for them, which involves evicting the broody turkey hen and moving her eggs to the incubator, papering the floor, and making cardboard fences to keep them separate from each other to begin with. I wouldn't mind except to-morrow is supposed to be SO. HOT. OMG. ;___;

To-day's visits were kind of fun; my first client is one who I've seen before and I really like, she keeps me really busy with cleaning and errands and things, and to-day she let me wash and brush her hair. My second client was new, but she was friendly and very nice. This is certainly a job that involves not judging anybody by appearance -- which is not to say that I make a habit of judging people based on how they look or live, but a lot of the people I visit are very low-income and live in kind of terrible houses, and I know they're what people think of when they say "white trash" and "rednecks", but so many of them are really kind and mostly lonely. And a lot of them have also lived through very tough circumstances. It makes me understand more and more that the only way to approach people is with compassion.

I did get a lecture Monday on how having babies out of wedlock is degenerate and immoral, and everybody -- including Catholic priests and gay people -- should be allowed to marry, which I thought was kind of a fun contrast.

Also, my morning lady said, "I really like you, so they're probably going to get rid of you or something!" and I admitted that I would be leaving the agency at the end of summer, and she said, "And they'll replace you with somebody crap! I know how they do!" I'll be honest, I was really flattered.

But now I am going to go back to sitting in my chair wishing I were dead because of the heat. Maria accused me of not having a real job to-day because a lot of my client houses are air conditioned, whereas she goes lifting beehives around in the heat. Then Mama said we should both shut up because this morning at work she got sprayed in the face with diarrhea. :D
psalm_onethirtyone: (This is My Way out of This)
Ash Wednesday service! It was really nice, although we had a visiting priest and she gave a very, very condescending sermon about how it is petty and trivial to give up things like chocolate or cola for Lent. Since I've given up both of those, I lol'd quietly to myself in my pew. Then she said that she had made a significant change to her personality by taking on the responsibility of being less grouchy in the morning, and resolving not to frown at people. So, on that note, I've resolved to frown at people for no reason during Lent. I mean, let's face it, if you're going to tell people not to give up petty things for Lent, you better damn well have devoted all your spare time to AmeriCorps work in New Orleans or personally weaving blankets of your hair for orphans or something.

Anyway, there was this terribly old lady who kept coughing like she was about to die during the sermon--not really any other time--and that got me thinking. When I am old, I am going to take full advantage of my oldness to cough inappropriately when people are saying things I don't like. And no one will dare to tell me to stop, because they'll all be afraid I'm about to have an aneurysm. Don't tell me this plan isn't perfect, because I am going with it.

Also, for [livejournal.com profile] erinpuff: It struck me to-day that all of our church bulletins are printed in Papyrus, and I wept inside.

And before that I got harassed by a creepy boy at the library! But that's kind of incidental.
psalm_onethirtyone: (Soujin's People)
This morning in Anthropology we watched a film about old Jewish folks living in Venice Beach, California. It was beautifully made and the interviews with the people were great, and I burst out sobbing at the end and continue to cry through the entire discussion.

I realised how much I miss Granddad, and not just Granddad but my people, Charlie and Gayle and Anna and Jennie and Bobby and everybody. Knowing that things are better for them doesn't mitigate the loss of them. I mean, it does, to a degree, but--

On the way back from class I met my therapist, which was fortunate, so I cried at her and she hugged me and made me tell her good memories about Granddad and then made me promise not to be alone to-day (that woman is wise to me and my ways, which is not exactly a bad thing). So I'm going to try to remember to do that.

For now I've decided to lurk here in the student cafe until they bring up the soup. It's supposed to be turkey rice, which would be nice, because otherwise I don't have much incentive for not skipping French like a bitch. It is not my favourite class ever.
psalm_onethirtyone: (Mattress Sheep!)
Soujin: Hey, Mama, they have these little personal size Boston cream pies!
Mama: Lol whatever I'm buying pecans.
Tiny Old Lady: (whispering) You should put it in your shopping basket. Just tuck in under there.
Soujin: Meep?
Tiny Old Lady: You deserve it.
Soujin: ilu.
psalm_onethirtyone: (Just Clothe Me in a Blur)
Got sent home early to-day because I'm useless.

Now I can't stop crying over the CMO DNR pt. She's been refused.

here, have a shite pseudo-sonnet )
psalm_onethirtyone: (You Done Good)
a handful of stuff:

Teeny Tiny Old Hospice Patient: [proudly] That's my grandson's picture! He's a teacher. He has nine autistic kids right now.
Hospice Nurse: [to Soujin, kindly, under her breath] She means artistic.

why do teenage boys smell so funny? I've changed my mind, I'm not bi, I'm a lesbian. ick. and he changed HIS mind, so I didn't get to see a cryo treatment yesterday.

took the pink pill. turns out the rabbit hole is full of sleep.

[livejournal.com profile] petitmorte wtf kill me.

got my first parking ticket yesterday, did NOT have a nervous breakdown, did NOT cry on the police officer, really pleased about that. of course, still have to pay the ticket. not crying means they don't decide to waive the fine.

secretary called me up to hospice to-day: hey, nancy, dr. [soujin] is here from afp. that was kind of an ego-booster, let's be honest.

One Week's Shadow )
psalm_onethirtyone: (Soujin's People)
I do not like:

When people imply that if you work in hospice or a nursing home, you have to be pretty heartless, because otherwise there is no way you could cope with seeing people you interacted with and liked dying all the time. No, no, no. That's not how it works at all.

How it works is, it's not fair to give up on loving people just because they're sick and dying. Sometimes their families can't handle that, sometimes it is too much work or it is too scary for them or they live too far away or they don't know how to deal with it; and so you make sure that if they need help taking good care of their people, you are there.

That's the point.

Of course you feel bad, and when people die, you grieve, and you hurt plenty. But you know that most of the people are pretty sick, and you want them just to feel as loved as possible until they can stop being hurt or sick or in pain.

Ugh.

(I am working hospice this summer, and really excited about it. I miss this kind of work so much.)
psalm_onethirtyone: (Soujin's People)
Mama: How's your dad?
Ellen: Oh, he's okay--it's just that his response time is getting so long. They had to take away his driver's license.
Me: Yeah, we had that a lot at the nursing home.
Ellen: So it's normal?
Mama: Oh, yeah.
Me: My Charlie had really slow response time just before the end.
Mama: ...
Me: Of my time working there, I mean.
Ellen: Aw.

LATER.

Mama: Nice save.
Me: Yeah, I realised as I was saying it. >_>
Maria: I was waiting for you to go "And then his responses stopped altogether!"
Me: The worst part is, that's not the first time I've done that.
psalm_onethirtyone: (Window)
In my continuing pursuit of early death, I gave a ride to-day to a man whose car had run out of gas just off the highway. It was pouring rain and he was behind me in the line at the pharmacy to buy a gas can, and I asked him if he wouldn't like a ride so he wouldn't have to get sopping, and he said yes, so I drove him back to his car. He was very nice. He said it was his daughter's really and the needle didn't go all the way down on the gas gauge, so he hadn't realise how low he was until he ran right out.

I said good-bye to my people to-day. Only Carrie cried. She said she was already feeling miserable and now she didn't know what she was going to do, and I swear--I swear that was when I thought maybe I'd take it back, never mind the hour drive, and keep on coming, but I was so tired--I was so tired--and I just hugged and hugged her instead and told her how much I'd miss her. Sarah, who's her roommate, gave me her cell phone number, so maybe if I call I can talk to them both.

Reading about Arthuriana always makes me cry, makes my heart rock so hard I can't keep it steady, and the tragedy is overwhelming. War is so breaking, and I lose track of time periods--Dan, our maintenance man at work, is a Vietnam vet. He told me that his wife says he still talks to other soldiers in his sleep.

The sorrow I feel at this makes me wish I could pull it out of myself in a handful and hold it and rest it and keep it warm until it eased. Why can't I?

(also I'm getting sick. I have the most horrible sore throat imaginable. You see how petty I am.)
psalm_onethirtyone: (Mattress Sheep!)
To-day I called off work at the nursing home; I told Jess I was sick, which I hold to be true--I don't care if it's not physical. Then I slept until ten, got up, had breakfast and did a little schoolwork, and went back to sleep from noon to about three.

I went to the gym and finished my book, which has been creepy as hell and unfortunately ends on a cliffhanger--have I mentioned I hate series? I DON'T HAVE THE ENERGY, AUTHORS. PLEASE JUST WRITE ME A GOOD STAND-ALONE BOOK. Is that too much to ask...?...! Apparently! I don't like reading series unless I have vested interest in the author or subject (see: [livejournal.com profile] eegatland), and even then it's slightly exhausting. I love YA fantasy, but it's all part of long series that I don't want to get involved in. >_> Even juvenile fantasy is like this. Whyyyyy. The last really excellent by-itself book I read was Younguncle Comes to Town, and that was perfect. They don't write like that any more...! I need to find The Ear, the Eye, and the Arm.

But I digress.

After gym I did the grocery shopping, which is always fun. I am turning into my father, sadly--I stand around comparing prices for about five minutes on every item I buy. But it's important, because we're short on money, significantly, and I need to worry about this kind of thing. Luckily I got everything on the list for under twenty dollars, which was cheering. Also they had chocolate pie samples in the bakery department. ^_^

I forgot to bring in my cloth grocery bags, but the checkout girl was incredibly nice and let me take everything out in my basket instead of bagging it in plastic, and I got a bag out of the trunk and put everything in, and then brought the basket back. I was so glad. Less waste is always good.

On the way home I drove the long way by the river--you can smell the river as long as the sun shines. There were cows in all the pastures, and I think cows truly are beautiful, a kind of peace--I love them. They swish. Then I went by Hillchurch to give my love to the cemetery. The cemetery is special because almost everyone there has a last name of someone who's been to the nursing home, and I feel like I know them all by proxy, this huge, tangled, country family of farmers. I love to drive that way. I think of all my people being there somehow.

Then we had supper, and Mama and Maria went to pottery, and I finished up my work. So now I'm hoping to do icons for a bit. I have a new painter for [livejournal.com profile] painted_by. But I thought--it's been too long since I've felt well enough to post, and I thought I should do that.

I think I may have to quit working at the nursing home. I can handle three jobs, but it's so hard; and I could never leave the library, and of course the convenience store is my income job; and the thing is, the difficult thing is that over the last year we've become much more of a rehab centre than a nursing home, so people go in and out so fast--and all the people I had connexions to, my Charlie and Gayle and my sweet people, have died this last year. I would still come by and visit once in a while, I'd certainly do that, but it's not the same as it was when I first started working there, and I also have trouble with the pressure Michelle puts on me. I don't know--maybe, once my class is over, I'll be saner; but that's not until December; too, we're moving to Snyder County, and that takes me from fifteen minutes from work to almost an hour. Maybe I'll work there until the move. I like to pretend everyone would understand.

Decisions are difficult for me at the best of times, o vae, ahime.

My kitty slept with me last night. ♥
psalm_onethirtyone: (Soujin's People)
Charlie died on Sunday. Gayle died Monday night. I'm going to have to call my professor and tell her I can't make class to-morrow. I have to go to Gayle's funeral.

Charlie didn't even have anybody. The newspaper obit didn't give a funeral date to go to. I don't know what Bobby's going to do without him. He sang Bobby to sleep every night. I don't know who's going to sing to Bobby any more. And the obit was only about four lines, because nobody even knew him. I should have written one and sent it in. I should have done something so they could see somebody loved him. I loved him.

And I didn't even know Gayle was sick. They told me she was fine and she was just as the hospital for routine stuff. They told me she'd be back next week. They said she was fine. Three weeks ago I took her to the mall and bought her popcorn shrimp, and we went shopping. It's just not right, it's too sudden, they don't let us say good-bye right.

I wish I knew when Charlie's funeral was, or where he's even buried. I miss him so much. I can't even stop crying.

I wish I wasn't working to-morrow. I don't know how I'm going to handle working until ten after this. The funeral is at ten and then I'm going right to work, and my heart is crying, I just wish it hadn't been so sudden. There was plenty of time to let Grandma go.
psalm_onethirtyone: (Soujin's People)
Well, the glasses are irreparably broken, so I had to order new ones. They're coming in a week or so, and in the meantime I have to keep taping these ones. XD They keep sagging off down my face like they're melting. Anyway, the new ones will be purple. I can't wait. ^___^

While I was at work to-day, I went down to see Mary and ask her to Bingo, and she said no, she didn't want to go, and I said hey, no problem. And then I gave her a kiss, and then--

Mary: I love you.
Me: I love you too! ^__^
Mary: I like it when you come to visit.
Me: <333 Me too.
Mary: But I know when you're not here, and those days I SPIT ON YOU.
Me: ...I can't be here every day!
Mary: I SPIT ON YOU.
Me: I have to go.

Also, we have a wonderful new lady named Carrie, who is absolutely adorable and so funny-looking. She has a big round body and teeny arms and legs and she wears long pink gingham dresses, but her head and face are little and extremely gnomish and don't look like they belong on her body. Plus she can't move except her head. So when she talks it's just this moving head that's perfectly animated on a body that looks more like a giant beanbag. It's so funny! In a really sweet way. She's unspeakably nice. ♥ I need to visit with her more.

Oh, right, and before I left I was going up the hall to see Gayle, and I heard one of the CNAs yell,--

"I WORK IN SOUJIN'S NURSING HOME. OF COURSE I HAVE ISSUES."

Me: HA HA HA!
Her: IT'S TRUE. PEOPLE KEEP EXPECTING ME TO BE NORMAL, BUT LOOK WHERE I WORK.
Me: Oh, man. XD

Also, Charlie seems to be doing better. I am really relieved.
psalm_onethirtyone: (Soujin's People)
Work to-day. I'm supposed to want to go to work, aren't I? Why do I always feel so drained when I get home? Nggg. --Working again to-morrow, at any rate.

If the dialysis people do not stop making Gayle sick, I may have to launch an offencive mission.

On the other hand, Harry told the nurse I was his girlfriend who lives next door when I was visiting him to-day. He's a very wonderful man.

Anna is sick again, but Eleanor came out of her room to play Bingo, which she hasn't done in a year. I am so proud of her. She had a good time, too.

Truly, I shouldn't dread it. I'm glad to be there. I am glad to be there. I just feel so tired.
psalm_onethirtyone: (Sparkle)
Bahhhh. I feel so sick. All woozy and stomach-achy and I'm also getting random stomach cramps. And dizziness worse than usual. Bleh. I need not to die! I have too much to do!

The brother is here. He is not leaving until Saturday morning, augh, so I am going to have to work around him and pack around him the rest of the week, which I really, really don't want to do. I also have to sleep on the couch because he's taking the guest room and the temperature in my (semi-attic) room is so high that I cry myself to sleep each night (...don't ask. I cry when I'm too hot. I breathe funny and I cry. this is because I am stupid). So--yes. Couch. Which I don't wanna. Also he hassles me a lot. I just want to see my film and read my books and make it through the week! ;______;

To-day was okay, though. I am making the situation sound worse than it is. I went out to-day, so I hardly saw him.

I went to work and spent forty-five minutes with Charlie, who is really messed up. I think he must be taking a strong anti-depressant or something; he's really out of it. But I think he was happy to have me come. So I did that, and also accidentally totally destroyed my relationship with my boss, which was exciting.

Then I went to Newport and got my whole job app filled out, and Mary-Jane helped me with the weird bits, and that was nice. Also as I was leaving I thanked Sarah, who in my experience does not like me (or anybody), for letting me go overtime on the computers (they have a half-hour per user time limit, and she let me go forty-five to get the application finished), and she said, Absolutely, she said, For you it's okay.

So I went ^___^, because really. She's always been pretty neutral about me before. So it was really nice of her. And Mary-Jane found out from the records that I've been working there since February two-thousand, can you believe it? I had no idea it had been so long. And she said I could use her for a reference. So I think that was good, and hopefully they won't call back while I'm in the Adirondacks. Hopefully they'll, you know, call back.

And then I went to the gym, and to the convenience store for diet Dr. Pepper, and I went to get the groceries. Daddy made the mistake of giving me a twenty to buy three things with, because, um. For me that always means I'll spend the extra. I did! I bought crackers for Waen and a big bunch of pink roses for Mum, because she's having the day from hell to-day (three nurses, forty-two patients, and Dr. Moreau), so I thought she could use something pretty. I also got a Three Musketeers bar for Waen. She thinks they're great. I think they're disgusting. And I went home the long way, took Morris Road and went to Amity by the river and drove alongside, and then up to the Hill Church so I could see my people there. I don't know why I'm so proprietorial, all that's my church those are my people, except that a few years ago I always used to walk there and pray in the graveyard, and they listened. So I like to visit them, even though I don't walk there any more. So I did that.

I love to drive in the country, because people there wave back when you wave. They don't do that in town.

There; see. It was a better day than I said. I'm just feeling so sick that I'm being all negative. I got another chapter of Catechism done last night! Things are okay. To-morrow I have to drive into town for my doctor's appointment, and I have to call Dr. Flaily Hands so I can get more medicine, but that's all. The rest of the day I can just keep still, which is all I want to be.

P.S.: Oh! Oh! It's National Leave Your Zucchini On Your Neighbours' Back Porches Night! :D Trufax, guys.
psalm_onethirtyone: (Secret Garden)
Oh, we had a good time to-day! We drove off early and got to Selinsgrove in time, and the film was fantastic--we saw Hairspray. Waen loved it, which she doesn't usually. She loved the girl who played Tracy. And we sat in the back of the theatre where it was cool and shared diet Coke, even though she hates it, and we even got popcorn, and we laughed and laughed and she had a great time.

Then she decided we had to go get ice cream at the Cruiser Cafe, which is this fantastic old diner in Freebourg where you can actually get your food in a cardboard car (I am collecting them. next time I go I need to get the black hot rod with flames) and it has spinny seats with red leather covers, and she got a black cherry milkshake and I had an ice cream cone, and we laughed and talked to the waitresses and had enough money left over for a really good tip, and she found a brochure about covered bridges in our county, so we decided to drive to Oriental by Potato Valley Road so we could go through one, and we got massively, massively lost.

So we drove through the country for over an hour, sometimes really fast, looking at stuff and talking and getting loster and loster and having so much fun, and we passed the Run we were supposed to turn off on, and Waen screamed STOP THAT'S IT, so I slammed my foot on the brake and backed up the whole way to the Run, and we turned off and went down it for ten minutes before she realised we should have gone in the other direction-- XD So I turned us around and we went back and followed it and got to Snapper Road, and followed that to Oriental. We fed the horses together, and I took a photograph of the inside of the house, and got the water sample we needed, and then we drove home.

So I cleaned my bathroom for Daniel and then wrapt Waen's birthday presents, and wrote a few postcards and things and am working on Zara's birthday package. Waen and Mum finished Oliver's Travels.

To-morrow I am going to work not to work but to see Charlie; his brother died last week of a heart attack/cancer. He's feeling pretty bad, it seems like, so I thought he might like a visit. Then I actually am going to Newport for the job app. Daniel is coming God-knows-when, and somewhere in the middle of this I am watching Titanic with the Cleolinda parody in front of me (we have the book). That, I think, will be enough for one day. I really hope it cools down.
psalm_onethirtyone: (Our Lesson)
Well, I was sick last night and ended up sleeping until three to-day, which I suppose explains a lot of my recent behaviour. I apologise to everybody affected before. I think I'll be a little better now that it's broken.

Since I got up I have been doing a little bit. I got funny neat paints the grocery yesterday and I have painted a few very silly, pointless paintings that are mostly just me enjoying the way a brush makes shapes (I do enjoy that so much) and strokes and colours. Also I finished one of the library books I had out, and it was actually incredibly good, which I didn't expect. I do love this project (my Find Good Children's Books project). I helped Mum peel peaches, and by help I mean leaned over her shoulder and ate pieces out of her bowl. I finished the last two of my Five Things pieces (can still request more, if you'd like!), and I'm working on my TM piece for this week to get it out of the way.

I got my letters written, and the thank-you letters for Manon and her family. I sort of cleaned my room.

To-morrow I go back to work, and it will be good to see my people again. I hope everyone's okay; Gayle was in the hospital when I left. She goes in and out a lot now, though. I miss them. I'll be glad to see them, no matter how much I complain about everything before I go. It's always the anticipation I hate most. I'm happy once I'm there. And then after that I'll drive out to the Sheetz and see if they're still hiring. They pay really well. Mum says I have a good chance because I have a good skills resume, since I've been working the other two jobs I have for three and seven years respectively, and I know how to use a cash register and I like people a lot. I'm hoping this proves true.

Everything is still dying, so we're doing a lot of rain prayers. The potato harvest failed spectacularly, and the watermelons looks extremely sad. I think that's the worst part of drought: you see all the things you started with so much hope dying instead of growing, and you know they should be growing, but somehow they just don't have the strength, and all the water you pour on them can't change that. On the other hand, the tomatoes are enjoying it more than they have any right. Wretched tomatoes. I don't even like them.

I'm really excited about going to the Adirondacks. It's a Safe Place (I keep using this term; I guess I should explain it. Safe places are the few places in the world where I'm always comfortable and happy, and don't worry so much and sometimes even relax. They're places that I'm never sorry I've gone, and always feel like I fit in good and belong. So far I have three--they're the library, the Adirondacks, and Manon's house). Also it's cooler! It's about twenty degrees cooler. And even if it weren't, there are five kajillion lakes to swim in, and there are cool tree trails and ducks and sand and rocks that glitter all sorts of colours, and islands to explore and a big library with a piano where Waen loves to play, and the house is just the right size. I love it there. It makes me very, very happy. Only a week! This is a good thought.

I need to upload Touch of Grey. Remind me to do that to-night. It's a really good song.

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Soujin

January 2012

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