psalm_onethirtyone: (The Perfect Pool)
Got my Yuletide assignment yesterday. It's pretty cool and I think there is a lot of potential in it, and I think I also can do a good job with it -- certain elements of it weird me out, but the prompter gave me a lot to work with so I think I leave some things out while still giving them what they want. So I am excited!

I go home to-day for Thanksgiving, so I'll be scarce for the next week.


A presenter in my cog psych class used this page about art by autistic people in his presentation, and I thought that was pretty neat, so here is the link. It is pretty cool from both an art and a mental shenanigans standpoint. (I also ended up talking about the gender issues surrounding autism with the professor after class, which was pretty neat -- she agreed with [ profile] mhari and said that autism is generally viewed as a "boy's disorder" and not something girls are supposed to get.)

Octopodes can go on land and that is totally awesome. Plus also super cute.

Although we already knew that, Ann Coulter is a maniac and I don't understaaaand, Jesus. I don't want to live on this planet any more? Liz said I should move to Canada, but I feel it is my duty to model sane Christianity for people in America.

I am currently using this programme to try and manage my issues with computer light = migraines; I've only had it downloaded for a day, so I haven't got a real clear idea of how well it works yet, but it's an interesting idea.

This tumblr exists and it is pretty pro -- Ugly Renaissance Babies.

A really interesting essay/article on why "born this way" is a bad argument for queerness.

This guy is my hero -- a devout Muslim whose faith led him to try to save the man who shot him. I heard an interview with him on NPR on Sunday -- he was really incredible. Warning: Article contains pictures of headshot.

For your webcomic organising needs, piperka is a great site for tracking updates and keeping stuff neat.

Finally, when you have just delivered a good Caruso zinger, the instant CSI. Yeahhhhh!
psalm_onethirtyone: (Only Time Gold Doesn't Sink)
I have a lot of ~feelings~ right now, but most of them are unprintable invective directed towards my mother, so they're probably best kept between me, my therapist, and Maria, who has been displaying a vast sense of understanding (she is used to being the "bad" daughter, so the switch in our positions has left her rather sage and sympathetic). Part of this issue stems from the fact that standing up to my mother will accomplish nothing, as she will misinterpret the reasons for the standing-up and then feel like a horrible person rather than just a perfectly nice person who is insanely passive-aggressive, and then I will feel like a horrible person too and nothing will get done -- so I am just capitulating with her insane passive-aggression, which makes her feel good, I assume, but makes me feel fairly awful.

In the meantime, I have a paper to write to-night, which I had better at least make some headway on -- I am starting to fall into the habit of panicking about papers but not actually writing them, whereas these previous three years I would panic while writing, so I need to get my act together. As long as I'm panicking, I might as well get work done.

So I will be probably not around to-night, [ profile] mhari, [ profile] raanve, and [ profile] pax_morgana, because I am busy beating my head against the metaphorical wall of Islam/US!Christian relations, which suck. Also I do not have enough Diet Coke, which is not helping matters.

HOWEVER my koi icon is here to remind me that even though this weekend is going to be TERRIBLE, I will at least get to feed my fish, and I do like that.

I am exhausted. I will say that I don't think it's fair that I'm already in major anxiety/bipolar mode and it's only about five weeks into the semester. I HAVE SO MUCH MORE TIME TO TRY AND FORCE COMPETENCY INTO. ;_____; Also, I'm still having migraines every day. Time to see the doctor and see about getting my dosage upped! I'm starting to wonder whether my Depakote was actually helping to mitigate the migraines after all, and whether stopping has actually had an effect. That would be really annoying.
psalm_onethirtyone: (Body Dysmorphia is a Cliche)
Soooo at my one client's house the t.v. was on, and there was an ad going for some weight-loss programme. It started out fairly inoffensively: middle-aged, stocky woman going "yay now I am not quite as heavy I can do more!" which is a reasonable approach, really; and the fact that she wasn't skinny made it seem much more like a "I'm just wanting to be healthier, this isn't about the beauty standard" kind of thing. So far so good.

And then the last line of the commercial is her saying "Thank you [name of product] for letting me be pretty one last time".

What. the actual fuck.

So yeah, I thought you all might like to know what's wrong with the world.
psalm_onethirtyone: (Disappointed)
So I'm sure everyone is desperately interested in hearing the continuation of the Saga of the Insurance Company from Hell (yes, you are).

Yesterday my doctor told me that she had called the insurance company again and faxed them being all URGENT URGENT MY PATIENT IS DYING PLZ SEND HER HER MEDS, and she assured me, when I phoned, that they had told her I would be authorised to have them within twenty-four hours. So this morning I ran to the pharmacy, because I'm out again.

Where the pharmacist told me, as nicely as possible, that the insurance company had NOT authorised my scrip and everyone was now out for the weekend, so it was unlikely I would be authorised until Tuesday. He also suggested that I call the insurance company and grovel to them on Tuesday. In the meantime, I could buy some meds out of pocket.

Now, because the pill I'm taking does not come in 225 mg caps, which is the dose I take, I have to take three 75 mg caps every day. Which means in order to get by until Tuesday, I had to buy twelve caps instead of four. And because Mama is broke right now, I paid for them with my birthday money. ;___; Which is just a minor complaint, honestly, because at least I have money, but I am whinging because I wanted to get art supplies with it.

So my plan is to call the insurance company on Tuesday. Yayyy! In the meantime, I have incredibly expensive medication, and a twelve-hour shift at work to-morrow.

On the PLUS SIDE, Maria and Mama and I went clothes shopping to-day and I managed to find two pairs of jeans that fit, as well as a really cute denim skirt and even a pair of shorts (which is disguised to look like a skirt, which suits me just fine). Which is great, since usually the fact that I am shaped exactly like a hobbit makes clothes shopping a fairly traumatic experience. I also made cupcakes for a party to-morrow that I will not get to go to, but they turned out really nicely! Even though I burnt my hands, bleh.

Yeah. If it weren't for this insurance thing, my life would be going pretty nicely overall.
psalm_onethirtyone: (Men Behaving Stupidly)
Fff here is the letter I sent to Res Life. I am hoping it is basically professional:

Mr. [redacted],

I am writing regarding the issue of [redacted], the transgendered woman who is currently not allowed to use the female restrooms on campus. I really would like to express that I think this is appalling. [Redacted] may not be biologically female, but she is attempting to transition into a lifestyle that is appropriate to the gender she identifies with. Just as I would find it incredibly uncomfortable to be told that I was not a real woman and could only use male restrooms and showers, she is uncomfortable, and is feeling that there is a sense of stigma and insufficiency beginning to surround her and her identity. Transgendered folks are already marginalised by society and told that they are not "real" men and women because they don't happen to be lucky enough to have a biological sex that matches their gender identity. When we support that marginalisation and discriminatory culture we enhance feelings of shame and inability to fit in, and make people put their lives on hold while we--the privileged people in the conflict--argue over whether or not we are willing to concede civil rights to people who deserve them by virtue of being people.

Please consider that while it seems like a small issue to us cis folks because we can use whatever bathroom we want without even having to think about it, to a trans person this is a really big deal--a part of their identity is being completely denied. Small things like this are what lead to escalations in the larger society when we label people's differences with negative connotations. I know that Res Life is trying to resolve the issue appropriately, but I think that as members of a purportedly forward-thinking college and as decent human beings we cannot just "hide" our trans students off-campus or pretend that their gender identity is irrelevant. [Redacted] deserves the rights and consideration of any other student, woman, and person.

Thank you for your time,

I think this is okay? I am bad at writing angry letters. Incidentally, the student mentioned in this e-mail is currently facing suspension for using the women's restrooms/showers, and that Res Life has tried to fix the problem by offering her off-campus housing, which she feels would be not actually solving the problem. Also I think I am hoping that this letter reflects both some familiarity with transgendered issues and the fact that I am taking Interpersonal Comm and Conflict Resolution this semester (I want to be able to communicate!).

Anyway, it took me a whole damn hour to write and that is why I am not in bed like I want to be, so now that OTHER PEOPLE'S PROBLEMS HAVE INCONVENIENCED ME!!11!, I am going to try to get some sleep for once. >_> To-morrow is poetry day! yay!
psalm_onethirtyone: (God Dammit)
So here's the deal. A bunch of the people I know, while generally nice people, do not seem to know the difference between 'this is a legitimate cause for annoyance' and 'this makes you look like a smug self-righteous douchebag'. So I am making a little primer to help with the problem.

The Culprit: Toria and Andy
The Crime: They have a lot of sex. A lot.
You Shut Up and Sit the Hell Down About This: They have a lot of sex.
S/he Deserves to DIAF Because of This: They like to tell you about it.

The Culprit: Jake
The Crime: Having a great deal of unpopular/unpleasant opinions.
You Shut Up and Sit the Hell Down About This: His morbid obesity.
S/he Deserves to DIAF Because of This: Stalking me for a semester.

The Culprit: Vesper
The Crime: Being a nerdy kid in my philosophy class. Also, a ginger.
You Shut Up and Sit the Hell Down About This: His potential Asperger's.
S/he Deserves to DIAF Because of This: "Women created the glass ceiling themselves. They choose low-paying jobs."

The Culprit: Lady Gaga
The Crime: Writing popular music.
You Shut Up and Sit the Hell Down About This: Her being transgendered.*
S/he Deserves to DIAF Because of This: Bad Romance has been stuck in my head for over a week.

I hope this was helpful. I only wish I could distribute copies en masse to the people I know.

*I can find absolutely NO evidence to suggest that Lady Gaga is transgendered or transsexual or anything of the kind, but since people WILL NOT shut up about it, here it appears.


In other news, campus is showing Sherlock Holmes free on the quad to-night. COUNT ME IN. I am still working on my Bechdel-approved Mary Watson/Irene Adler fic for [ profile] lokogato, so this is srs bsns.

Also, FREE COMICS DAY in State College to-morrow. Oh hell yes.

Now I just need to finish my paaaaper.

Edit: Woke up this morning and I CAN BREATHE AGAIN. I might finally be getting over this stupid cold omg.
psalm_onethirtyone: (God Dammit)

being really, really stressed out atm, kind of wish professors would stop sending me cryptic half-e-mails in response to my painstakingly worded, highly nervewracking-to-me e-mails about important stuff that kind of needs to be addressed kind of in the near future.

List of people currently making my life difficult:

Dr. Matter needs to e-mail me back re: drag show
Dr. Peters re: drag show
Dr. Widman re: course equivalents
Dr. Rosell re: FISHN credits
Dr. Wagoner re: course equivalents
Valasko re: study abroad (I'm just going to have to camp on her doorstep again, I know it)
Dr. Braxton re: scheduling sign-off

The study abroad application is due to-day, argh. I need to call Mama and see if she will pay for it or whether I will have to get an extension to mail in a cheque.

I need to start the first draft of my 15-page research paper, I should outline my response paper for history, and there aren't any other writings that I can really do right now but STILL, anyway I just finally managed to beat my anthropology paper into submission.

Also, the anthro professor from hell told us this morning that part of the reason Western culture sucks is because we distance ourselves from birth and stick our grandparents in homes. Fuck you, lady, my nana had to be in a home because they had better access to care for things that we couldn't help with. Also, respite care is incredibly important because some people have shit going on and literally can't deal with the added pressure of taking care of an elderly and sick relative.


Me: ^^ Hi, I'm just trying to find a stapler--
Me: --It's out of staples.
It: *is out of staples*
Her: *glares at me accusingly*
Me: Heh, sorry, that's pretty much been the story of my morning.
Me: ok i'll just use the secretary's stapler do you want my paper now?
Me: *hides in classroom*

She is so loud, you giez. ;____; She speaks like four times about normal volume and it makes me so twitchy, I can't even. She yells.

Luckily, the pottery shop is letting random-ass students (a.k.a. me) come in and make bowls for a few hours this afternoon, so I am going to try and hide and relax there for a little while before my drag show audition.

I just want Easter to be here. I have enormous faith that things will get better once we're out of Lent. This is the time of suffering. Soon it will be full of joy, and joy will temper the crazy things. I can handle this. I just need to take deep breaths. And Dr. Miller, who is on sabbatical, came to lunch, and I said hi to him and he hugged me! And so did Dr. Hutto, the professor I want to be my adopted grandpa. He lifted me right onto my toes and asked if I was still writing poetry! And that made me feel warm all over.
psalm_onethirtyone: (Gross Things are Cool!)
I'm sitting in Maria's classroom here at Del Val, watching Food, Inc. We've only watched the chicken part so far, but I am never eating again.

Just so you know.

Edit: In the corn part now. AHHHHH.

Edit: Almost done with the bit on salmonella/e.coli/feedlots. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. WHAT THE HELL, AMERICA.
psalm_onethirtyone: (God Dammit)
I was just informed by my anthropology professor that I could cure my depression if I just exercised more. I am so mad I can't see.
psalm_onethirtyone: (Body Dysmorphia is a Cliche)
Here is an article that ran in the Patriot-News to-day: ousts members for being overweight
By Colin Stewart
Orange County (Calif.) Register, a dating and social networking site that only accepts members who are attractive to the opposite sex, has ousted about 5000 members for allegedly gaining weight during the holidays.

"Letting fatties roam the site is a direct threat to our business model and the very concept for which was founded," site founder Robert Hintze said in a press release.

The site benefits from the fact that laws against discrimination typically cover personal characteristics such as gender, age, ethnicity, religion and sometimes sexual orientation but not weight or appearance.

Members from the United States topped the list of excluded former members, followed by the UK, Canada, Poland and Germany.

"The USA has been grossly over-indulging since Thanksgiving--it's no wonder that so many members have been expelled from the network," said Greg Hodge, managing director of

"After the recent cull, over 550,000 members remain on the site, representing 190 countries and almost every ethnic and cultural background," the site said.

"The drastic measures took place after many members posted photos of themselves celebrating Christmas and the new year--revealing that they have let themselves go. Vigilant members, who take pride in the standards demanded by the site, called for action," said.

"Despite considerable backlash against us, the numbers don't lie--we are catering to a very clear demand. may be morally ugly to our critics, but our growing success is a very beautiful truth."

I really hope these people feel a deep sense of shame when they wake up every morning. I am just appalled. Really, really appalled. I mean, I recognise that the kind of people who would sign up for a site like this are the kind of people who should really expect to be kicked off said site over a reason like that, but. Just.

I can name at least five actresses off the top of my head who are plus size and completely fucking gorgeous. It's not that hard to do with men, either (when I read the article to Maria, she said "WILLIAM SHATNER". Take that). How can you claim that weight is a defining factor in physical beauty? It's so obviously not. There are lots of people who are plain-looking and thin, and anyway physical beauty is 1) such a subjective thing and 2) so secondary to a person's character that I just can't even wrap my head around a site with over 550,000 members who are so shallow I just aklfjaklsfjlaksjfalskjflksfla.

p.s. Queen Latifah called she's going to fucking squish you. (And since this is my livejournal post and I can do what I want on it, after that she's going to take me on a date.)

Edit: I don't think I sound angry enough in this post, so let me add: FATTIES? ARE YOU FOR FUCKING SERIOUS? DIAF, MOTHERFUCKERS. OH NOES SOMEBODY ATE FOOD DURING THE HOLIDAYS THOSE BASTARDS BURN THEM AT THE STAKE FOR THEIR CRIMES AGAINST THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE OF THE WORLD. I'm sorry, my self-esteem is pretty goddamn low, but even I know that this is fucking shit.

Also, 'a very beautiful truth'? Maybe outside, but inside you are a cancerous lung, sir, and I feel very sorry for you.
psalm_onethirtyone: (Body Dysmorphia is a Cliche)
Okay. Here are some links you need to see.

This one, because it makes me furious--that is, not the post, but the article it's talking about: the author of the post is right on.

This one, because it is brilliant, and this woman should be supported and rallied around and I love her.

And this one because we need something light after all that, and this is hilarious.
psalm_onethirtyone: (Nay Nor Woman Neither)
WARNING. RAPE. Please be aware that the article linked could be extremely triggering.

I would write something coherent about this guy, but every time I try to compose a post all I get is FUCK YOU YOU UTTER FUCKING PSYCHOPATH. I mean, there's so much to say here, there's the fact that there's plenty of non-passive art out there, there's the fact that what he's proposing is utterly morally reprehensible, there's the FUCK YOUR FACE UNCLEFUCKER whuhhuh?

I just. What. No. No further. That is enough. (tealdear guy rapes people for art.)

(I need a FUCK YOU icon very badly)


psalm_onethirtyone: (O RLY?)
I'm so mad I can't see. And I'm linking to [ profile] lokogato's post because she has a bunch of links rather than just one, so you can see EXACTLY how atrocious and ridiculous this is.


psalm_onethirtyone: (Try Again To-morrow)
I'd just kind of like to state for the record that it's an hour past our departure time, and, once again, the fact that my father is alive has everything to do with my self-control and nothing to do with him. Forty-five minutes ago I asked him if he would put his suitcase in the car so I could finish doing the packing, and he looked at me and said, in a pitiful voice,

"Now? Before I eat my breakfast?"

And you know what? I haven't eaten my breakfast either. I've been up since seven packing the car, dealing with the cats, wading through the morning dew for all the vegetables Maria wanted me to bring, on four hours' sleep, and I told him, "Yes, that would be very helpful."

And he gave me a pitiful look to go with the pitiful voice, waded upstairs, and started packing his suitcase, which he apparently had not done yet. Because before an eight hour trip where you were supposed to leave at eight o'clock sharp the obvious thing to do is to wait until departure time to do the actual packing of your actual stuff.

He just came back downstairs and informed me in a martyred tone that he had finished packing and if it was all right with me he would just have a "bite of breakfast". He's nowhere near ready yet, and I am going to finish the packing and then go to sleep in the car, and dammit he can just figure out what he wants to do from there. I will not be involved any more.

afasfjals I hate my mother right now, actually, for abandoning me with him again. I can't wait to get back to school, I cannot take much more of this man.
psalm_onethirtyone: (Nay Nor Woman Neither)
It is SO HOT here I cannot TAKE it any more, and my father is alive through NO ACTIONS OF HIS OWN, and the cat is weeping for indiscernable reasons and my feet hurt and IT'S SO HOT and I am never, never ever making individual cakes for a party of twenty EVER AGAIN, and I don't even KNOW and said party is to-morrow and I am so sick of people coming over and Daddy wants me to clean the house and then SCRUB THE FLOORS as in he literally told me that the floors needed to be scrubbed even though he did them himself LAST WEEK OR NOT EVEN and he's all mad at me for not answering the phone while I was INDIVIDUALLY ICING TWENTY-THREE SMALL CAKES and I am never using this liquor frosting ever again it gets EVERYWHERE and now MAGGIE is crying and I haven't minded the chickens yet although I have fed and watered the other four portions of birds on this farm and I HATE HAY and I've got yellow dye all over my nice white conservation club shirt and I swear to the lord if Maria doesn't shoot some of those guineas soon I will learn to use the .22 myself.

*curls up under the bed*

post scriptum I weighed myself for the first time in two years and I shouldn't have done that also I ripped all my toenails out again and they were just starting to heal up after the last time I HATE EVERYONE &c &c.
psalm_onethirtyone: (God Dammit)


I have Jesus Movie Marathon again to-night for my religion class, and I can ONLY HOPE that the all-encompassing love of the Saviour keeps me from wishing the eight plagues and a gay grandchild on you. GOOD CHRIST WOMAN. Not only are you giving many viewers of Fox News (NOT ALL OF WHOM SUCK I HAPPEN TO KNOW) false information that will undermine the whole purpose of the very bill being passed, but his mother was RIGHT THERE. DIAF.

psalm_onethirtyone: (And She'll Go Mad)
Deux items:

1. Apparently while I was out my mama called and left a message with my roommate, to whit: "Tell her to make sure she eats something before her exam!" Oh Mama. Ilu so much. And I will have a bowl of soup, if Jitters is stocking anything that is not full of evil priony beefy goodness (contradiction in terms lol whut where).

2. There is a name for my particular suicidal tendencies! Specifically, death instinct, which is a theory developed by Freud that essentially says that people have a natural instinct to want to get away from the stress and craziness of life, they want to stop the demands that are made upon them (whether consciously or unconsciously, for both the demander and demandee -- good God, what linguistic constructs I am making up), they just want everything to go away and let them rest. Which is usually how I feel when I am experiencing suicidal ideation; that is, the strongest emotional I usually experience is being tired. I feel tired and like there's too much being asked that I just can't live up to or fulfill, and I want to die so that I can just be alone and be quiet.

So that was pretty cool, to learn that it's a legitimate psychological theory. Funny thing it was referenced by my Short Story professor in regards to Melville's Bartleby the Scrivener, which is a work of PURE CRACK and apparently deeply symbolic and if I have to write an essay comparing it to Joseph Conrad's Secret Sharer and Poe's Cask of Amontillado and Fall of the House of Usher I will stab my eyes out with a red pen, but the point is I tend to take what that particular professor says with a saltshaker, so I am mildly amused that I got something really worthwhile from one of his lectures. Which is not to say that his lectures are bad, per se, just that I frequently either don't agree with him or don't agree with his method of presenting things. Either way, he is infinitely more competent than my Death and Dying professor, inasmuch as he actually knows what he is doing and actually teaches us something, which is more than can be said for her. Also her class makes me want to strangle myself with my laptop cord. It runs my soul through a paper shredder. Once my soul is properly transformed into thin strips of useless, the class takes it, dumps it into a vat of acetic acid, stirs it around for a while, treats it with carboxylic acid, contaminates it with EDCs, then mixes this solution with methane and lights a match to it. Then it spits on my grave. If both I and the professor are still alive by the end of the semester, it will be because I have showed admirable restraint and have confined my fury and frustration to capslocked rants in the margins of my note-taking, and not because she has done anything to deserve survival in regards to her class, which she DOES NOT TEACH.

...That was a pretty good rant y/n? I've never done that before. :D Mmm catharsis.
psalm_onethirtyone: (Mine has SPACE PRIESTS)
I have a headache and I can see no quantifiable reason for my existence. /whiny

Also, everybody in my sosh discussion group is picking on me because I'm the only Christian. And while Christians as a whole probably do deserve to be picked on, considering how often we've made every other group on earth our punching bag, I am still feeling definite emotions of WHY ME JUST STOP IT. I am SORRY. It's not like I've been proselytising at anyone! I wouldn't even have mentioned it except our discussion questions included one about whether religion helped you cope with death! I AM SORRY QUIT TELLING ME HOW CHRISTIANITY IS FOR WEAK PEOPLE WHO NEED SOMETHING TO GRASP AT THAT WILL CONVINCE THEM THEIR LIVES ARE NOT UTTERLY MEANINGLESS END CAPSLOCK argh.

Also I can't figure out stoichiometry. Also I haven't had breakfast.

Also I'm just feeling rushed and depressed because of the season, so I'm overreacting to things as a matter of course. This is usual, but no less irritating.
psalm_onethirtyone: (And She'll Go Mad)
Daddy reads daily:

--The New York Times
--The Daily Item
--The New York Times Online


--The Sunday Patriot-News
--The Sunday New York Times
--The Juniata Sentinel
--The Duncannon Record
--The Newport News-Sun

And yet he still makes me listen to NPR and WITF radio news ON THE LOUDEST VOLUME POSSIBLE both ways whenever I have to drive with him anywhere.

I hate the radio, and I hate our local radio. It's all hateful and angry and bitter and hurts something awful all the time. And it's pretentious and sure of itself and superior and smirking and I hate it I hate it. Damn it. Ruins my entire sense, just having to hear it for two or three hours. It makes everything taste bad and gets inside me and jitters me up and makes me angry. I hate the radio. I'd much rather listen to quiet music, but Daddy needs MORE INFORMATIONS.

Which I think was kind of the cap on the poisonous death angel mushroom of my day, seriously.


psalm_onethirtyone: (Default)

January 2012

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