Soujin (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
psalm_onethirtyone) wrote2004-04-12 09:55 pm
psalm_onethirtyone) wrote2004-04-12 09:55 pm
"Look at me and tell me who I am..."
I don't want to write ever again. No. Just--no.
I'm not getting any enjoyment out of it, and I don't care, and I feel like all I'm turning out is bad material, and it doesn't seem like other people are interested. And yes, I am one of those people who can't work on projects without outside support. Wanting to do something myself doesn't work. I need someone else to want it too, which is why I'm always taking commissions.
But to-day I hate it. I don't like what I'm writing, and I don't like the prospect of writing, so I feel horrible and guilty because I've just taken all these requests, and--stuff.
No. Don't want to write anymore. Don't want to touch the keyboard for writing.
Damn, but I have to write Emma's story for Scum Club, and I don't even want to do that. Thank God I'm quitting.
I hate my writing, and I hate myself, and I do not want to do it.
AHHHHHH.
This is so. Stupid. Stupid? Yes, Soujin, it is stupid.
I do not want to talk to anyone to-night, as I all I have been doing the last week is whining or crying or angsting at people. I'm sick of doing that. I'm angry with myself, and I hate myself every night when I get offline because all I've done is whinged at some innocent person or another.
Stupid.
'But lately I find that I reek of discontent and it fills me...'
And shit, it induces headaches.
I'm not getting any enjoyment out of it, and I don't care, and I feel like all I'm turning out is bad material, and it doesn't seem like other people are interested. And yes, I am one of those people who can't work on projects without outside support. Wanting to do something myself doesn't work. I need someone else to want it too, which is why I'm always taking commissions.
But to-day I hate it. I don't like what I'm writing, and I don't like the prospect of writing, so I feel horrible and guilty because I've just taken all these requests, and--stuff.
No. Don't want to write anymore. Don't want to touch the keyboard for writing.
Damn, but I have to write Emma's story for Scum Club, and I don't even want to do that. Thank God I'm quitting.
I hate my writing, and I hate myself, and I do not want to do it.
AHHHHHH.
This is so. Stupid. Stupid? Yes, Soujin, it is stupid.
I do not want to talk to anyone to-night, as I all I have been doing the last week is whining or crying or angsting at people. I'm sick of doing that. I'm angry with myself, and I hate myself every night when I get offline because all I've done is whinged at some innocent person or another.
Stupid.
'But lately I find that I reek of discontent and it fills me...'
And shit, it induces headaches.
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You should write what you want to write. Even if that's nothing at all. Don't feel pressured.
And don't feel inadequate. You write wonderful things, even if they're not perfect -- what is?
no subject
And I don't want to let anyone down ever, especially not after taking requests. I want to do things for people that will make them happy.
no subject
And you *do* make people happy! Often and greatly.
no subject
Really? *sighs* Oh, well, then.