"Look at me and tell me who I am..."

[psalm_onethirtyone]

I don't want to write ever again. No. Just--no.

I'm not getting any enjoyment out of it, and I don't care, and I feel like all I'm turning out is bad material, and it doesn't seem like other people are interested. And yes, I am one of those people who can't work on projects without outside support. Wanting to do something myself doesn't work. I need someone else to want it too, which is why I'm always taking commissions.

But to-day I hate it. I don't like what I'm writing, and I don't like the prospect of writing, so I feel horrible and guilty because I've just taken all these requests, and--stuff.

No. Don't want to write anymore. Don't want to touch the keyboard for writing.

Damn, but I have to write Emma's story for Scum Club, and I don't even want to do that. Thank God I'm quitting.

I hate my writing, and I hate myself, and I do not want to do it.

AHHHHHH.

This is so. Stupid. Stupid? Yes, Soujin, it is stupid.

I do not want to talk to anyone to-night, as I all I have been doing the last week is whining or crying or angsting at people. I'm sick of doing that. I'm angry with myself, and I hate myself every night when I get offline because all I've done is whinged at some innocent person or another.

Stupid.

'But lately I find that I reek of discontent and it fills me...'

And shit, it induces headaches.

Comments

[and-i.livejournal.com]

Oh, don't feel guilty or bad. If you want to take a break, do. Sometimes it helps to come back to things with fresh eyes after a break. Believe me when I say that I am always interested when you write things (despite my bad commenting skills), because you do have talent by the bucketload.
Don't think that you have to do anything for anyone, but if you feel that you need outside input, you've always got something to look to.

and I feel like all I'm turning out is bad material
Take our word for it that you're not, but this is certainly a normal feeling which I can guarantee that every writer worth anything has felt at least once, probably several times.
Like I said, do break if you want to and don't worry about it. You mustn't force yourself to do things.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

*takes deep breath and a break* ^_^

Also, thank you. *hugs*