Entry tags:
"Or Combing Their Lovely Hair..."
"Look," he said. "I just don't know whether we should be friends any more."
"But we're best friends. We've been best friends for-ever."
He stirred coffee with a black straw. "Look, there's this problem. When we talk, all right? It's just that when we talk, no matter what I say, I just feel ignorant or like a jerk when I'm talking to you. All the time, you know? Most of the time. I don't know what all this city stuff you talk about it, and you're just very-- you act older than me. You sound older than me. I feel stupid. You know? And that's really hard. And then there's the stuff we disagree on."
"We don't disagree on stuff."
"No, look. You're a vegetarian. Every time you come over, I feel like an asshole for having lunchmeat in my refrigerator. I have bad dreams about it, for crying out loud. I know you don't say anything. It's just that you don't say anything. That's what makes me feel so bad."
"What? What are you talking about?"
"You asked me if my leather jacket was real leather. And I said yes. And you didn't say anything. I wanted to go home then. I mean, just totally turn around and go home."
"You know I don't like killing animals. They're alive too."
"I know! And some of them eat meat. No, stop. This isn't the issue. It's just that I can't help feeling like a jerk when I'm with you. I feel like you're always looking at me and wondering how you ever got to be friends with this jerk."
"I don't think that at all. I like you."
"Like Marissa's new puppy with the perky ears. You were like 'did they crop the ears?' and she said yeah, and you just looked at her. I hate that. You didn't have to ask or bring it up, not if you were just going to be mad about it. You do that to me, too. And I feel like I'm just adding to my jerkdom by feeling angry when you do that. Okay? You know. I just never feel like a person when I'm around you. Just dumb. And if I say anything, you say that I'm overreacting, and then I feel even more dumb, you know? Even more like an ignorant jerk. We spend like half the time we're together just making up and trying to figure out misunderstandings. I feel like a loser. And I feel stressed out and sick of it, but feeling like that just makes me feel like I'm not working hard enough to make this work. Look, I don't know how to explain this. I just wish you could try to think about the way I feel, being on the receiving end."
"I--"
"You know? Like, you'll be like 'this reminds me of NYC' and I'll be like 'how?' and you'll just be like 'nevermind', and I feel like I'm too dumb to get it. I feel like, why don't you have friends who know NYC. Why do you hang out with me when I just remind you of things that I don't get? And I'm always trying to take us out to places with vegetarian options, and wear the clothes that won't bother you, and I try not to use stereotypes and everything, but it seems like you never notice that stuff or appreciate it. I mean, could you please meet me halfway? Could you please not notice only when I do something that bugs you? Could you please not say that I'm imagining all this stuff? I hate this. I can't be friends with you if everything keeps going on like this. I just feel like I'm going insane, you know? What should I do?"
"But we're best friends. We've been best friends for-ever."
He stirred coffee with a black straw. "Look, there's this problem. When we talk, all right? It's just that when we talk, no matter what I say, I just feel ignorant or like a jerk when I'm talking to you. All the time, you know? Most of the time. I don't know what all this city stuff you talk about it, and you're just very-- you act older than me. You sound older than me. I feel stupid. You know? And that's really hard. And then there's the stuff we disagree on."
"We don't disagree on stuff."
"No, look. You're a vegetarian. Every time you come over, I feel like an asshole for having lunchmeat in my refrigerator. I have bad dreams about it, for crying out loud. I know you don't say anything. It's just that you don't say anything. That's what makes me feel so bad."
"What? What are you talking about?"
"You asked me if my leather jacket was real leather. And I said yes. And you didn't say anything. I wanted to go home then. I mean, just totally turn around and go home."
"You know I don't like killing animals. They're alive too."
"I know! And some of them eat meat. No, stop. This isn't the issue. It's just that I can't help feeling like a jerk when I'm with you. I feel like you're always looking at me and wondering how you ever got to be friends with this jerk."
"I don't think that at all. I like you."
"Like Marissa's new puppy with the perky ears. You were like 'did they crop the ears?' and she said yeah, and you just looked at her. I hate that. You didn't have to ask or bring it up, not if you were just going to be mad about it. You do that to me, too. And I feel like I'm just adding to my jerkdom by feeling angry when you do that. Okay? You know. I just never feel like a person when I'm around you. Just dumb. And if I say anything, you say that I'm overreacting, and then I feel even more dumb, you know? Even more like an ignorant jerk. We spend like half the time we're together just making up and trying to figure out misunderstandings. I feel like a loser. And I feel stressed out and sick of it, but feeling like that just makes me feel like I'm not working hard enough to make this work. Look, I don't know how to explain this. I just wish you could try to think about the way I feel, being on the receiving end."
"I--"
"You know? Like, you'll be like 'this reminds me of NYC' and I'll be like 'how?' and you'll just be like 'nevermind', and I feel like I'm too dumb to get it. I feel like, why don't you have friends who know NYC. Why do you hang out with me when I just remind you of things that I don't get? And I'm always trying to take us out to places with vegetarian options, and wear the clothes that won't bother you, and I try not to use stereotypes and everything, but it seems like you never notice that stuff or appreciate it. I mean, could you please meet me halfway? Could you please not notice only when I do something that bugs you? Could you please not say that I'm imagining all this stuff? I hate this. I can't be friends with you if everything keeps going on like this. I just feel like I'm going insane, you know? What should I do?"