*"like all kingdoms worth talking about, hamlette's was under a curse -- perhaps the curse was made by her evil stepfather, or perhaps the princess was merely paranoid. but under this curse, when the wind blew north northwest, hamlette could not tell a hawk from a handsaw ... she also heard things from dead people. which isn't exactly normal, but this is a fairy tale, remember."*

*-- actually, has no idea what she's talking about, just know she wants it to end with the brave sir horatio saving the day with good old-fashioned diplomacy and princess hamlette sekritly being prince hamlet and everyone gets tea --*