psalm_onethirtyone: (Slightly Confuzzled - Holly Brook)
Oh, kittens. I swear I am going to respond to the comments left on my two previous posts, I am just terribly distractable and tired right now. So have a collection of diverting things that I have made from the internets:

1. A meme.

Pick one of my current rp characters and I will:

(a) Three facts about them from my personal fanon.
(b) A reason they're amazing.
(c) Five things that I'd like to see happen to them.
(d) Three people that I might ship that character with and why.

I'll probably do old characters, too, if you ask; I am pliable that way.

2. A tumblr.

Fuck Yeah, Benedict Cumberbatch. Oooh yeah.

3. A game.

I had sex with Oprah.

4. Photography.

Hummingbirds, it turns out, are as derpy as the rest of us.

5. A Polyvore.

This always makes me happy.

6. A fanfiction.

Raj/Howard, Big Bang Theory. Yesssss.

7. A request.

I'm almost done with a Holmes/Watson Sherlock fanfic, would anyone mind beta-reading it for me?
psalm_onethirtyone: (Narwhals Narwhals Swimmin' in the Ocean)

Trans )


Paper Thin Hotel )

**this poem is a tribute to Leonard Cohen, as evidenced by the references to Famous Blue Raincoat, Paper Thin Hotel, and his rather unique singing voice.


Psychophysics )


Apitoxin )


Genesis )
psalm_onethirtyone: (Found Myself!)
So the doctor diagnosed my [near-constant for the last two years] headaches as migraines, and upped my Depakote from 500 to 1000 mg, which she says is much closer to a therapeutic dose. I am also supposed not to have anything containing chocolate, yeast, or lots of salt. So that is--a start, anyway, a diagnosis, finally, something to do about it. It's only been a day, so I'm not really seeing any results of the increased dose yet, but. I will hope for the best.

Meanwhile, I am watching lots of X-Men ([ profile] settiai gave Maria and me the fourth season of Evolution, and I bought Wolverine and the X-Men) and we just finished marathoning Spider-Man (the Sam Raimi films) because Maria had her wisdom teeth out and can't do anything but lie in bed and be miserable and watching films. Spider-Man is interesting, in that in the comics I totally ship Mary-Jane/Peter, but in the films they are so bad for each other and really shouldn't be together, it's ridiculous. Harry and Mary-Jane are so much better suited.

Anyway, I cried pathetically when Harry died, which is very embarrassing. Maria did not mock me too much, though.

And I borrowed two films on marine biology from the library, because it is my sekrit passion. I love marine invertebrates. Did you know that in the Palau archipelago there are sea anemones that grow up to three feet big? Can you imagine? It is SO COOL. AND there are inland lakes that have non-stinging jellyfishes a foot large that slime divers? I want to go there so. bad.
psalm_onethirtyone: (Narwhals Narwhals Swimmin' in the Ocean)
So! Two different ladies at the pet store told me that probably the reason Perci died was because of his sponge--that they no longer recommend using sponges in hermit crab tanks because sponges make it too moist and as a result bad bacteria grows. So after deep-cleaning the tank with chlorox, running all the stones and shells through the dishwasher, and baking the sand and wood in the oven for fifteen minutes at 400 degrees, I have put everything back together and installed Mark II, or Twoy, the new crab.

He is adorable--he's about a fifth Perci's size and has a spiky shell, and absolutely tears all over the place. He's a different type, too; whereas Perci was an Ecuadorian, he's a Purple Pincher. I'm hoping he proves a little hardier. I also think he's younger, because he's so much smaller.

Also bought food for the fishies, which means they've gotten extremely affectionate. Any time I sit by the pond they come over in droves to suck on my feet. I love my fish. ♥

Otherwise, I found the kittens (there are only six now), but the mother moved them again this morning so I have to go on the prowl again. I am going to borrow a Have-a-Heart trap from my crazy cat lady aunt to try and catch the mama. Larry moved into the main turkey shed this morning, and he loathes it.

Also, [ profile] tulipmonster, I made you a giant paper collage squid but he may be too big to fit into a mailing envelope. Or at least too big to go without costing the rest of my college education. It depends! I am going to ask at the post office to-morrow.
psalm_onethirtyone: (Only Time Gold Doesn't Sink)
This evening I decided, for reasons unclear, that the way to be a stellar houseguest would be to have a major OCD meltdown all over [ profile] mhari's room. The only reason we are still friends is because she has a remarkable lot of patience and because her mother threw me out when the room was only about fifty percent cleaned.

On the other hand, we went to the beach on Monday, where I found this lovely specimen of crabhood and sat around in tidepools.

I'm feeling kind of weird--I'm not really sure where I am, mentally. I feel very lonely, in a way, like I'm terrified of everyone forgetting about me over the summer while I'm not around (for example Liz, and [ profile] the_chloroplast), and also people online, especially people who I want to be good friends with but am for-ever having anxiety over (like [ profile] tulipmonster, who I want to like me but who I am convinced sits around wondering when I will die already). I feel like I could be in a better state of mind, but on the other hand I'm not depressed, so--idk, be grateful for what I have? In the general scheme of things, anxiety is easier to deal with than depression (for me).

I'm also having a lot of anxiety nightmares and a lot of just random like--lying awake at night thinking of all the things that could potentially go disastrously wrong. Like I sit in my bed and think about all the ways my father could die (I think this is being triggered by Nana and Granddad just dying, and by [ profile] mhari's father dying, because he was pretty much my second dad, and it's made my anxious self hypersensitive to the possibility, I think?), or how I don't want to drive any more because I'm afraid I'll hit one of the cats, or how if I pick up Perci I could drop him and he's so delicate he'd just shatter. I will run through a good twenty or so of these scenarios just while I'm trying to fall asleep, and then I'll have even more anxiety because I'm worrying about whether worrying about stuff will make it come true. And not all of it is stuff that's grounded in reality, either--I think about how the house could collapse or I start to wonder whether I left the stove on and the house is going to burn down in the night or-- And so on, ad finitum, pretty much constantly. And any little noise or anything of that sort jerks me wide awake because I immediately connect it with one of the scenarios I've been worrying about and then I have to calm myself down until I can relax enough to sleep, and it's driving me crazy.

I've also started getting the daily headaches again, and that whole mess has been going off and on for over a year now, of terrible headaches in this icky swimmy place between a normal headache and a migraine (I've only had like two true migraines, and these are definitely not that bad), which last all day and cannot be chased off by painkillers. The problem with them is that I end up taking a lot more aspirin than is good for my system in an attempt to dull them at least. I'm starting to think that I should talk to a doctor possibly. <--and this of course is triggering my anxiety even further (what if I have a brain tumour? what if I have encephalitis? &c &c &c).

tl;dr my anxiety is worse than usual and my head hurts. Also, I like to whine.

But I do like it here, and I'm sorry I have to go home on Thursday. [ profile] mhari is pretty much my favourite person ever.
psalm_onethirtyone: (Everyone is Fond of Owls)
So yesterday afternoon when I went to get my bike there was a clump of reeds, grass, and sticks vaguely resembling a bird's nest in the basket. I assumed that someone had just stuck it there, since I've had a problem with kind of random vandalism this semester. I just left it there because I was in a hurry, and it mostly melted in the rain.

This morning when I came down to get my bike the nest was rebuilt into a perfect nest shape and there was a bird in it. It flew away when I came closer.

I took the nest and put it in a tree nearby, but I feel kind of guilty. My bike basket is the perfect place, since I park it under the overhang, so it's out of the rain and elements; also the basket supports the nest well. Moreover the sidewalk near the overhang is prime worm suicide ground whenever it rains. I almost want to leave it there, but then the poor bird would be in trouble when semester ends and I took my bike away. >_> But yeah. Random bird's nest! That is my fun story for the day!

Also, I am still sick, but a little less dead, thanks to Health and Wellness filling my pockets with various medicines. Doesn't mean I'm not going to sulk like a five-year-old, though. I really need a good night's sleep, but that's not likely to happen.
psalm_onethirtyone: (Look Where Sadly the Poor Wretch--)
[ profile] mhari showed me this, and right now I really want to curl up there on the bed and stay there for-ever.
psalm_onethirtyone: (Cephalopods Need Heart)
On a better note, check out this awesome article that [ profile] nowgoesquickly sent to me!
psalm_onethirtyone: (Cephalopods Need Heart)
This almost makes up for the fact that I have to get up at seven o'clock Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Watch the video--I promise it makes it even better. At about 1:30 the octopus moons the camera.

In other news, I discovered EpiCute to-day. This is good news, as it makes up for a lot of the anger I am feeling at the world generally for the divers failures of humans to take care of their fellow humans.
psalm_onethirtyone: (Gross Things are Cool!)
This however I do approve of.
psalm_onethirtyone: (Only Time Gold Doesn't Sink)
In the Glass Darkly )
psalm_onethirtyone: (Annie with Red Hair)
I am declaring my major on Wednesday, assuming I can get all the necessary paperwork signed by then--I still need advisor signatures, but I have classes with both my advisors before Wednesday, so my evil plan is to corner them after said classes and flail at them until they sign. It should work.

I'm writing a paper about red clover and cancer, but every single scientific article on red clover and cancer is written in language so aggressively scientific that I have absolutely no idea what they are trying to say, please see this (wtf) and this (wtf wtf) and this (derp derp derp). Last week I was researching gynaecology in rural India and the articles made more sense than this. Good Christ.

Fourteen people failed this third O.chem II exam; I don't know whether I'm one of them or whether my magic (last year I got 74, or a B-, on every single exam, and this year so far I've gotten 71 on every exam) is still protecting me. I won't find out for a while yet.

I'm not exactly happy right now but I'm not depressed. It's sort of a neutral in-between zone. I feel like someone who is working and getting by. I think that's accurate. The lady in my icon has always kind of reminded me of someone who works and gets by, and since my hair is the same colour as hers right now I'm willing to go with that.

Also, Mama brought me my cross on a new chain when she visited. I haven't worn it for three months because it was at the jeweller's. It feels so good to have it back again.
psalm_onethirtyone: (Only Time Gold Doesn't Sink)
OH MAN GUYS. This is the CUTEST FROG I HAVE EVER SEEN. Look at its big black eyes. They are so beautiful. Omg. I really wish I could have one.

Also, this is not, in fact, a placenta; it is a Giant Slime Star (Hymenaster).

Other super awesome and subjectively gross links for to-day include:

videos )
psalm_onethirtyone: (Clock Sheep!)
Omg. A post that's not about being sick!

Because, even though I am definitely still sick, and losing my voice besides, I actually got out of bed and did things instead of feeling sorry for myself all day!

...Where by things I mean homework and spending three hours at Unity House working on the Pinwheels for Peace project, but that's okay. It was really nice. Toria and Andy and Stephen and I sat around and cut out a million and a half pinwheels that people had coloured during the week, and put them together, and to-morrow Toria and Andy are going to line the main walk on campus with them for International Day of Peace. It's going to be really, really pretty, and I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm going to go around and photograph all of the ones I did, because I'm obnoxious like that.

Also I spent two hours sitting at the very corner of the Sunderland quad with Erin and Liz talking about sexuality and invisible illnesses (Liz has some sort of disastrous arthritis-like condition and Erin and I have mental illnesses). There is something these experiences when you just create or discuss or explode with language that feels very grown-up at the same time it feels very naive and unlike the world.

Half an hour ago Kat and Katie and Sarah kidnapped me and drove us to Sheetz, which I normally boycott, and they bought ice cream and Sarah got jelly beans and I got Gatorade and a cup of noodly hot soup, which my throat is very happy about. It was completely impulsive and I was in my pajamas.

The good thing about being sick is that I literally have had no time to be depressed. I don't mean to imply that you can be nondepressed by staying busy--I hate when people say that--but my head has been filled with this unending mantra of 'oh god I hate being sick' and it's driven everything else out. I haven't wanted to self-injure since this started. I haven't had that feeling of being wrapped up in concrete. I don't know, maybe when your body is fighting so hard to push off sickness, when everything is being directed towards that one goal, there's nothing to spare for anything else. I am just making things up, of course.

My arm is covered with blue and red and gold paint from Stephen's paint pens, which I was using to make pinwheels. I am hoping to wake up to-morrow without a fever.
psalm_onethirtyone: (Little Breezes Dusk and Shiver)
It's nearly time for lab and I haven't started my o.chem homework, but just pulling out of the world for a few moments tastes unbelievably good. It feels like my days are long streams of chaos, kind of like the insides of cells, with the motor proteins swishing the cytoplasm around the way Maria and I used to in the swimming pool, swimming in circles until we made a well in the center of us.

I can't make the homework programme for French class work, I am unbelievably too stupid for biology 106, but I love my religion class, I love deconstructing the cultural needs and aspects of religion, and the way it shapes us and we shape it, I love that. So I have one class that I love, and I think everybody needs an anchor and if that's the only one I have this semester, it doesn't matter, I can still go to Brumbaugh and hide in the vertebrate zoology lab for half an hour and watch the snakes. And when I go watch the snakes, I can always pretend that they love me as much as I love them.

I've already begun to forget about sleep, I've already gotten deep deep deep into clubs when I should be concentrating my energy elsewhere, but it suddenly, dramatically occurred to me that when people say "what are you going to do with your major" it's not a fault to say "I don't know" (you can even laugh carelessly and hop on your bicycle, pedalling off in a swirl of skirt, looking like a crazy girl) and if they look down on you (because at Juniata you're supposed to be driven) you can still go be loved by the snakes. Or the bees. And you can remember that you know where the secret places are, where to find the snakes and the bees, and you know how to climb that tree in the Sherwood quad.

So I'm unprepared and I'm unready, which is how all children come into the world, whoosh all covered in blood and fluid and newness, and I'll learn the stupid cell biology and I'll do my o.chem homework and I'll even remember to eat dinner.

The world doesn't have to love me as long as I love the world.


psalm_onethirtyone: (Default)

January 2012

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