Soujin (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
psalm_onethirtyone) wrote2005-08-09 11:04 pm
psalm_onethirtyone) wrote2005-08-09 11:04 pm
"And I'm Going to Go There Free..."
*trembles*
I am going to be a good girl. A good girl.
To-day I have managed not to be right, not to finish things, not to be a good sister, not to explain things properly, not to be any use, and not not to talk about these things because the last thing anybody needs is my angst on top of everything else.
I think I need to go away.
Conveniently, I am. I'd forgotten to say. We're leaving Saturday.
*collects pocketsful of stones and rubs them*
I love my mother so much it hurts.
I do need to go away, and collect myself. I must learn to be less sad, and I shall learn to be a good girl.
I want to laugh. I don't know why I won't.
*lines stones up in a box* ...If stones are bits of Soujin that do not fit properly on their beach by the lake, then going away Saturday is finding a box to put them in to make them safe.
Last year I had beautiful books to read when we went away. I had Frankenstein and Orlando and Dracula and lots of books. This year I have Brothers Karamazov and Gawain and the Green Knight. I have something else, too, but I can't remember it. I want to sleep for a long time. I want to find a good place to be. I want to pretend to be whole and I want to smile a lot.
Only I remember that I'm always a little lonely when we go away. I remember that.
And I remember the piano.
And David.
And I remember the broken stained-glass window in my room, the tiny one up by the ceiling.
I will be a good girl.
I like birch bark.
I hadn't realised I was going away Saturday. That's awfully soon, isn't it?
I am going to be a good girl. A good girl.
To-day I have managed not to be right, not to finish things, not to be a good sister, not to explain things properly, not to be any use, and not not to talk about these things because the last thing anybody needs is my angst on top of everything else.
I think I need to go away.
Conveniently, I am. I'd forgotten to say. We're leaving Saturday.
*collects pocketsful of stones and rubs them*
I love my mother so much it hurts.
I do need to go away, and collect myself. I must learn to be less sad, and I shall learn to be a good girl.
I want to laugh. I don't know why I won't.
*lines stones up in a box* ...If stones are bits of Soujin that do not fit properly on their beach by the lake, then going away Saturday is finding a box to put them in to make them safe.
Last year I had beautiful books to read when we went away. I had Frankenstein and Orlando and Dracula and lots of books. This year I have Brothers Karamazov and Gawain and the Green Knight. I have something else, too, but I can't remember it. I want to sleep for a long time. I want to find a good place to be. I want to pretend to be whole and I want to smile a lot.
Only I remember that I'm always a little lonely when we go away. I remember that.
And I remember the piano.
And David.
And I remember the broken stained-glass window in my room, the tiny one up by the ceiling.
I will be a good girl.
I like birch bark.
I hadn't realised I was going away Saturday. That's awfully soon, isn't it?
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