"And I'm Going to Go There Free..."

[psalm_onethirtyone]

*trembles*

I am going to be a good girl. A good girl.

To-day I have managed not to be right, not to finish things, not to be a good sister, not to explain things properly, not to be any use, and not not to talk about these things because the last thing anybody needs is my angst on top of everything else.

I think I need to go away.

Conveniently, I am. I'd forgotten to say. We're leaving Saturday.

*collects pocketsful of stones and rubs them*

I love my mother so much it hurts.

I do need to go away, and collect myself. I must learn to be less sad, and I shall learn to be a good girl.

I want to laugh. I don't know why I won't.

*lines stones up in a box* ...If stones are bits of Soujin that do not fit properly on their beach by the lake, then going away Saturday is finding a box to put them in to make them safe.

Last year I had beautiful books to read when we went away. I had Frankenstein and Orlando and Dracula and lots of books. This year I have Brothers Karamazov and Gawain and the Green Knight. I have something else, too, but I can't remember it. I want to sleep for a long time. I want to find a good place to be. I want to pretend to be whole and I want to smile a lot.

Only I remember that I'm always a little lonely when we go away. I remember that.

And I remember the piano.

And David.

And I remember the broken stained-glass window in my room, the tiny one up by the ceiling.

I will be a good girl.

I like birch bark.

I hadn't realised I was going away Saturday. That's awfully soon, isn't it?

Comments

[bewareofitalics]

You're leaving again? Nooo! (Except if it's good for you, in which case, yay for you!) (And as for books, Oz and Peter Pan? *g*) How long are you going to be gone? Long enough to receive a letter if I finally write one?

And also, *hugs bunches*

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Yes, I'd forgotten. I'm sorry. It seemed like it was a long time away when I knew about it first. (^_^) (They haven't come yet!) For a week, so I think yes.

*hugs back*

[bewareofitalics]

Aw... (Hmph. Phooey on library!) If Michael's friend doesn't stay over again tonight (OH GOD PLEASE), I'll start taking dictation writing. And then maybe I can send it before Saturday so it'll definitely get there on time. *g* Address?

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

(I'm a little sorry. Usually thinks come quickly.) *sends hopeful wish regarding Michael's friend's absence* Ooh. ^_^ All right. Thank you so much.

I'll know to-morrow.

[bewareofitalics]

(Hey, not your fault! It's obviously an Evil Conspiracy.) *keeps fingers crossed* *way crossed* Thou art welcome!

Okeydokey!

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

(Undoubtedly. I'm injured that my dear library would do such a thing to me.) ^______^ *crosses everything including eyes and tongue*

I have it. I shall post it to-night.

[mhari.livejournal.com]

oh, honey. *clinghuggles*

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

*hugs onto* I'm sorry.

[julietveiled.livejournal.com]

Where are you going? We all want to know.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

I'm going to Blue Mountain Lake in New York. It's a big lake below a big mountain with a spot where there aren't any trees and the slab of rock you can see from the lake is shaped like a heart, and we have a cottage across the lake from the mountain, and there are birch trees everywhere. We go every summer in August for Waen's birthday.

[fish-bananas.livejournal.com]

......Saturday...?

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Saturday to Saturday.

[fish-bananas.livejournal.com]

...You do realize that this makes me weep burning tears of remorse and longing...?

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

You can write me?

[erinpuff]

Going away again?? NOOOOOOO! *laments*

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

*clings* I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[silverdragon262.livejournal.com]

*coughchoke*

You're leaving again. ;____;

Can we write to you there? I've mailed Hamlet's letter to Horatio, but perhaps I will write to you as myself. Gasp!

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

I'm leaving again. I'm sorry.

Yes! Yes, of course. I just need to find the address.

*hugs* I'm so glad you're back. I was going to telephone to-night if you weren't on. What happened? ;_;

[silverdragon262.livejournal.com]

When will you be home?

Oh, excellent! You cannot escape me.

*hugs tightly* I nearly called you, as well. My internet went down Sunday night; a malfunction with our connection. I've been going mad. And am terribly sorry I stood you up for our sleepy!cuteness.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

The next Saturday again.

But do I want to?

*wobbles* It's fine, don't worry about that. I'm just glad you're all right. For some reason I'd gotten the idea you were ill, and I was biting my nails all yesterday.

[silverdragon262.livejournal.com]

A ha! You shall be gone for my birthday.

...I assume so. ^_~ Perhaps we could telephone once before you leave?

You're not the only one, actually, and I do feel terrible for worrying everyone. I've been no worse than usual, and still have my doctor's appointment tomorrow.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Despite which I shall send a card.

We could! We could on Friday, yes indeed we could.

It's okay. Okay. *squashhugs* Oh! Doctor's appointment! Good good good.

[silverdragon262.livejournal.com]

I will look forward to it. *beam*

Oooh, excellent!

Still. ;___; *snugglecuddles* No doubt, you shall hear all about it.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

^___^

Yes yes. *bounce*

*hugs* Yes, I want to. I want to know how it goes.

[silverdragon262.livejournal.com]

*happies* You're lovely.

I'm not expecting much, but we'll see.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Only because you are. *loves*

Okay. *hops anxiously*