"It Started With a Low Light..."

[psalm_onethirtyone]

Over the last week, I have watched a deliciously bad horror film called The Swarm, and live-chat summed it up for various victims. Here, for your pleasure, starring Michael Caine, Henry Fonda, Richard Widmark, Olivia de Havilland, Katharine Ross, Richard Chamberlain, Ben Johnson, and THE MOTHERFUCKING MOLES OF BEES, is

rainbowjehan: :D!
rainbowjehan: I am watching a movie about African killer bees starring Michael Caine.
raanve: o_O
rainbowjehan: it is hilarious.
raanve: My friend Rob the Primatologist has several interesting stories about avoiding African killer bees
raanve: What's it called?
rainbowjehan: ~The Swarm.~
raanve: Ooooooh
rainbowjehan: his eyelashes are so long, hee.
raanve: I asked Rob if that cartoon trick of jumping in a lake with a reed works
raanve: He says that's about the only way to escape them once they're on you
rainbowjehan: cripes!
raanve: I know!
raanve: He has many horrifying tales of fieldwork in Tanzania
rainbowjehan: XD That's awesome.
raanve: I'm okay with them as long as they continue to end with: AND SO I DIDN'T DIE
rainbowjehan:...fair enough.
rainbowjehan: oh. my. god.
rainbowjehan: this is effing hilarious.
rainbowjehan: SLOOOOW MOOOOO BEEEEE DEATH.
rainbowjehan: this is seriously the funniest film ever.
rainbowjehan: it literally RAINS BEES on this kid.
raanve: whaaaaa
rainbowjehan: BEEEEEEEEEEEEEES.
rainbowjehan: watch. this.
rainbowjehan: unless you're scared of bees.
raanve: hahaha
rainbowjehan: if you're scared of bees, do not.
raanve: Bees I am mostly okay with
rainbowjehan: because there are fucking moles of bees.
rainbowjehan: MOLES OF BEES.
raanve: We had some yellow jackets or something and when my old car died I just kind of left it in the driveway for a while & when I went to clean it out they had built a nest inside the door and it was all AHHHHHHH HORNETS
rainbowjehan: well, pardon my french, but hornets/yellow jackets/things of that ilk
rainbowjehan: are evil motherfuckers.
rainbowjehan: bees are just cute.
rainbowjehan: and do not sting you unless you provoke them.
raanve: This is true
rainbowjehan: AHAHAHA jess.
rainbowjehan: jess.
raanve: Unless they are KILLER AFRICAN BEES
rainbowjehan: The FLOWER FESTIVAL has come to this small southwestern town.
rainbowjehan: what do you think follows flower festivals?
raanve: THIS SPELLS DISASTER
raanve: BEES FUCKING LOVE FLOWERS
rainbowjehan: >:D >:D >:D
rainbowjehan: I will keep you posted on what shit goes down.
raanve: hahahaha
rainbowjehan: so far just old people flirting.
rainbowjehan: lololol old men getting into fights over old ladies.
rainbowjehan: AHAHAHA HENRY FONDA.
raanve: hot
rainbowjehan: "Dear Michael Caine: srry we made fun of you. The president says you're awesome. love, the government."
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: That's okay bitches, how far does my authority reach?
rainbowjehan: government guys: Everywhere, sir. ;____;
raanve: I am now wondering if your live-chat isn't perhaps better than seeing the movie itself. ;)
rainbowjehan: uh. my live chat is always better, I am awesome. XD
rainbowjehan: "*awkward silence descends*"
raanve: XD
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: When you went through my totally unthreatening equipment, did you bitches mess up my files?
rainbowjehan: Army guys: noooooo we swear.
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: THEN GET THEM FOR ME, BITCHES.
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: "The war that I've always talked about has finally started".
rainbowjehan: DIRECT QUOTE.
raanve: The war between Michael Caine & THE BEES?
rainbowjehan: yes. you are correct.
raanve: ahahahahahahaha
rainbowjehan: the war between Michael Caine and the FUCKING BEES.
rainbowjehan: he's like the Samuel L. Jackson of his age.
raanve: He so is
raanve: Michael Caine is a baddass, no question
rainbowjehan: God, I am loving this film.
rainbowjehan: And it is TWO AND A HALF HOURS LONG.
raanve: That's pretty long for a movie about bees
raanve: Hopefully a lot of that running time is Michael Caine showing bees who's boss
rainbowjehan: It better be.
rainbowjehan: no pun intended.
rainbowjehan: ha! the army is assigning guys to keep an eye on him.
rainbowjehan: FOOLS.
rainbowjehan: this is MICHAEL CAINE.
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: Badass scientist, AND accomplished child psychologist.
rainbowjehan: ahahaha, silly ethnic doctor, you are nothing compared to Michael Caine!
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine can cure cancer with sensible advice!
raanve: Wow.
raanve: That's pretty magical
rainbowjehan:...the bees ATE a plastic cup.
rainbowjehan: I think.
rainbowjehan: "A plastic cup. In pieces, all around."
rainbowjehan: "What's that mean?"
rainbowjehan: "I'm afraid to speculate."
raanve: hahahahahahaha
raanve: holy shit
raanve: this writing is amazing
rainbowjehan: So he's just HINTING that they eat plastic.
raanve: how did this not win a million screenplay awards???
rainbowjehan: I DON'T KNOW.
rainbowjehan: "Your American honeybee has a weak mouth.
rainbowjehan: "They can barely break the skin of a grape. But suppose these African bees are using plastic to line their nests.”
rainbowjehan: "NO BEE IS THAT SMART."
rainbowjehan: "But suppose these bees......
rainbowjehan: "ARE."
rainbowjehan: CUT SCENE.
raanve: hahahahaha
raanve: That was in the trailer
raanve: I would put money on it
rainbowjehan: I hope so.
rainbowjehan: Also, Michael Caine and Henry Fonda JUST MIGHT be flirting.
raanve: I
raanve: I don't know where my brain wants to go with that one
raanve: I think maybe nowhere
raanve: I think I might like to turn back time to a point where I would not have thought about Caine/Fonda slash
rainbowjehan: OH GOD HE JUST PICKED HIM UP PRINCESS STYLE. :D
raanve: ...
raanve: you are breaking my brain
raanve: actually
raanve: i guess michael caine is breaking it, so you're off the hook
rainbowjehan::D :D :D
rainbowjehan:....
rainbowjehan: Henry Fonda just asked Michael Caine if he's still writing dirty books.
raanve: ahahaha
rainbowjehan: Also, there is absolutely no question that he is staring at Michael Caine's ass.
rainbowjehan: Also, cheesy romantic music is playing.
rainbowjehan: "Dr. Crane seemed uneasy."
rainbowjehan: "I can't imagine why anyone would be uneasy around all these DEAD MEN."
raanve: hahahahahahahahaha
raanve: Oh I am almost literally lolling
rainbowjehan: this is the best movie in the world.




rainbowjehan: LOLOL so I am watching my death bee movie.
rainbowjehan: "I never thought it would be the bees. They're always been our friends."
rainbowjehan: "UNTIL NOW."
rainbowjehan: I LOVE the dialogue.
rainbowjehan: I do not know who wrote this goddamn script, but s/he deserves a medal.
rainbowjehan: Meanwhile, Michael Goddamn Caine looks mildly bored while Some Guy takes his dead son.
mhari: XD
rainbowjehan: Oooh, who's Beardy McBearderson?
rainbowjehan: Probably some damned dirty hippie.
rainbowjehan: Well, it looks like he's an antagonist.
rainbowjehan: Or at least some kind of anti-hero.
rainbowjehan: With facial hair, that's pretty much a given.
rainbowjehan:..what the hell is that guy's accent?
rainbowjehan: generic midsouthwestern, I guess. O_o
rainbowjehan: Dr. DDH: Blah blah killer bees cannot exist blah!
rainbowjehan: Michael Goddamn Caine: Bitch please.
rainbowjehan: Michael Goddamn Caine: THEY BREED FLOWERS
rainbowjehan: HERE, OF COURSE THESE BEES ARE HERE.
rainbowjehan: Dr. DDH: YOU CAN'T EVEN PROVE THESE ARE KILLER BEES.
mhari: Bee: KILLS HIM
rainbowjehan: Henry MF Fonda: THE VICTIMS WERE FULL OF BEE VENOM.
rainbowjehan: Michael Goddamn Caine: /makes shit up
rainbowjehan: Michael Goddamn Caine: BUT Dr. Damned Dirty Hippie, you can be on our research team anyway.
rainbowjehan: Meanwhile, as I was telling Jess the other night, it is the Flower Festival at the nearby innocent little town of Merrysville.
mhari: XD
rainbowjehan: "How long will we be here?"
rainbowjehan: "Until we have destroyed the African bee... or IT has destroyed US."
rainbowjehan: Chapter Eight: A Small Boy with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder breaks out of The Hospital to Track Down the Killer Bees.
mhari: oho!
rainbowjehan: in the meantime, a Middle-Aged Cowboy courts an Random Woman.
rainbowjehan: this is Incidental to the Plot.
rainbowjehan: oh cripes most horrible flirting ever agh.
rainbowjehan: in horrible horrible fake southern accents.
mhari: Emory: Hey now. :P
rainbowjehan: I hope they both get stung by bees and die. X_x
mhari: /giggles
rainbowjehan: Emory, hon, your southern accent is not fake.
rainbowjehan: ahh, back to the charming moppets plotline!
mhari: Moppets. <3
rainbowjehan: I do not know what is up with these moppets, except that they utter lines of dialogue like "We'll have to come back later. We have to plan this right. 'Coz these aren't just any old bees."
rainbowjehan: I also love how the bee mass is big enough to show up on radar.
rainbowjehan: "Let's go take the bees down with airborne chemical lasers mounted on choppers!"
rainbowjehan: "....let's not."
rainbowjehan: also, p.s., that wasn't the moppets, that was the government.
rainbowjehan: LASER CHOPPERS.
mhari: A subtle but vital distinction.
rainbowjehan: Government: LET'S AIRDROP CHEMICALS.
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: I'M MICHAEL GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING CAINE, BITCH.
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: DON'T YOU FUCKING DROP NO FUCKING CHEMICALS, BITCH.
rainbowjehan: Government: yessir. /small tiny voice
mhari: XD
rainbowjehan: He is such a ham.
rainbowjehan: I think he is loving it.
rainbowjehan: holy shit, the moppets made Molotov cocktails.
mhari: :o
rainbowjehan: Molotov. fucking. cocktails.
rainbowjehan: and then threw them in the bee nest.
mhari: well goodness.
rainbowjehan: p.s. it didn't work.
mhari: alas, poor moppets.
rainbowjehan: the bees are now headed, inexorably, for the sleepy little town of Merrysville.
rainbowjehan: Lady: Sorry I lost the moppet, sir.
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: I'm Michael Goddamn Caine, lady, I can romance you, look for the moppet, and save the world at the same time.
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: No worries.
rainbowjehan: Random Old Guy: Ma'am, it's time to get back to the Old People Romance subplot.
rainbowjehan: Maureen: ...uh, I already said yes to Ten-Gallon Hat Guy, he introduced the subplot first.
rainbowjehan: Random Old Guy: If I be really passive-aggressive, will you chance your mind?
rainbowjehan: Maureen: And I'll put you off indefinitely. GOODBYE SO SOON.
rainbowjehan: Kicky Reporter: I'M IN CHARGE OF THE NEXT SUBPLOT.
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: CANCEL ALL SUBPLOT.
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: THE BEES ARE COMING, THE BEES ARE COMING.
rainbowjehan: Citizens of Merrysville: /dither ineffectually, but a lot less ineffectually than a lot of citizens in a lot of other horror films
rainbowjehan: Adorable Moppet Causalities Alert
rainbowjehan: THE BEES BLACK OUT THE SKIES.
rainbowjehan: Dying, Bee-Covered Man: /SLOWWWW-MOOOO DEATH THROUGH WINDOOOOOWWWW.
rainbowjehan: Love Interest: /swoons
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: I'M MICHAEL GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING CAINE, BITCH, DON'T YOU DIE.
rainbowjehan: ....am I having too much fun?
rainbowjehan: maybe a little.
rainbowjehan: the best part is, there's still like an hour to go.
rainbowjehan: and we've already killed off half the town.
rainbowjehan: and the love interest has been stung.
mhari: it does make it a teeny bit difficult to tag you. XD
rainbowjehan: what the HELL are they going to do with all that extra time? -- sorry. >_>
rainbowjehan: I would babble at Jess, but she's not on!
rainbowjehan: ...I wonder if Dele would enjoy having to hear my commentary.
mhari: There is, I suspect, only one way to find out.
rainbowjehan: She said yes.
mhari: \o/


rainbowjehan: delllle.
rainbowjehan: I am annoying mhari by providing a running commentary on this dreffle horror film I'm watching.
rainbowjehan: can I jabber at you instead?
saucynuisance: HAHA good times
saucynuisance: feel free
rainbowjehan: okay.
rainbowjehan: she basically went CUT THAT OUT.
rainbowjehan: So, to sum up, Michael Goddamn Motherfucking Caine has to save the world from Killer Bees.
saucynuisance: man i love that guy
saucynuisance: isn't he great?
rainbowjehan: He is amazing.
saucynuisance: his wife is mega hot, also
rainbowjehan: really?
saucynuisance: y
saucynuisance: or she used to be
rainbowjehan: pics or it didn't happen.
saucynuisance: gimme a sec
saucynuisance: they met because he saw her in an ad
saucynuisance: and was like
saucynuisance: FUCK ME THAT IS THE HOTTEST FUCKING WOMAN
saucynuisance: and looked her up.
saucynuisance: http://www.imdb.com/media/rm1898616576/nm0000323 saucynuisance: she's pretty foxy.
rainbowjehan: Hot damn.
rainbowjehan: Oh, yeah, dude, she's pretty smokin'.
saucynuisance: http://www.imdb.com/media/rm3936000000/nm0129008
rainbowjehan: OH DUDE.
rainbowjehan: Hot.
saucynuisance: i wouldn't kick her out of bed
saucynuisance: ...or him.
rainbowjehan: So this is an older movie, so he basically looks like that second pic.
rainbowjehan: only without the glasses.
rainbowjehan: also, he's totally sleeping with Henry Fonda in this film.
saucynuisance: really
rainbowjehan: LOVE IT they are taking the bee-dead out in body bags.
saucynuisance: ahahahahaha A+
rainbowjehan: Henry Fonda: P.S. the bees are more fatal than we thought.
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: ...MORE FATAL?
rainbowjehan: Henry Fonda: ...yeah.
saucynuisance: how do you be
saucynuisance: MORE FATAL
rainbowjehan: Apparently it takes fewer stings to kill people than they thought.
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: Hey, Love Interest, are you still useless?
rainbowjehan: Love Interest: yes!
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: Cool, just checking. Now I'm going to do useful things.
rainbowjehan: Adorable Moppet: ...So you know how the bees attacked us? That might have been because the adorable moppet brigade and I threw Molotov cocktails at them.
rainbowjehan: Love Interest: ...well, fuck me.
rainbowjehan: Government Guy: LET'S CHEMICAL SPRAY THE BEES.
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: I'M MICHAEL GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING CAINE, LET ME GO THROUGH MY LIST OF WHY YOU'RE A FUCKING MORON.
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: AGAIN.
rainbowjehan: Government Guy: Well maybe the bees want revenge.
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: WELL MAYBE YOU'RE A MOTHERFUCKING IDIOT, BITCH.
rainbowjehan: Government Guy: ;___; quit yelling at me.
saucynuisance: i love your summary
rainbowjehan: >_> I love summarising horror films while I'm watching them.
rainbowjehan: It brings joy to my cold evil life.
rainbowjehan: Adorable Moppet: /confesses his crime
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: /bitch please face
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: Look, kid, I lost my parents in a tragic past, too.
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: And did I fuck up spectacularly and get hundreds of people killed?
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: NO I DID NOT. BECAUSE I AM MICHAEL GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING CAINE AND I MAKE BATMAN LOOK LIKE A WHINY EMO KID.
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: Actually, he is. But I digress.
rainbowjehan: Kicky Reporter: Time for my subplot now!
rainbowjehan: --oooh, ominous music.
rainbowjehan: Dr. Damned Dirty Hippie: Oh hay these are totally killer bees ignore that they're in a honey bee frame.
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: Did the director stiff us on the budget?
rainbowjehan: Dr. DDH: Maybe a little?
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: Eh, whatever, it's not like anybody actually knows the difference between a killer bee and a honey bee.
rainbowjehan: Dr. DDH: >_>
rainbowjehan: Henry Fonda: Hey, you're just in time! We're trying electroshock therapy on the bees!
rainbowjehan: oh my god, they're just throwing around handfuls of bees.
rainbowjehan: what the everloving fuck.
rainbowjehan: Henry Fonda: Wow! Bee venom smells like bananas!
rainbowjehan: Soujin: ....what.
rainbowjehan: Soujin: now I know you are just fucking with me.
rainbowjehan: Random Ethnic Doctor: Allow me to hit on you, random pregnant patient whose husband just died!
rainbowjehan: Random Patient: Sure thing, doctor! It's these subplots that are going to keep this movie running the full two and a half hours!
rainbowjehan: Random Ethnic Doctor: /soulful gaze
rainbowjehan: Meanwhile, evacuation of the entire North American southwest is underway.
rainbowjehan: Old People Romance Subplot: You haven't forgotten about me, have you?
rainbowjehan: Old People Romance Subplot: No, really, I'm still here, I swear! and I'm totes still interesting!
rainbowjehan: Kicky Reporter: HOSHIT, they made my subplot helping that random lady have her fucking baby?
rainbowjehan: Kicky Reporter: This is such a gyp.
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: It has been too goddamn long since i was in this movie, bitches.
rainbowjehan: Love Interest: If I cry on your shoulder, can I be in this scene too?
rainbowjehan: Old Lady: Guys, I think I just had a premonition of my sudden death.
rainbowjehan: Old Guys: Nah, it's nothing.
rainbowjehan: Old Lady: No, seriously, I think we're all about to be swarmed by the bees or something.
rainbowjehan: Old Guys: Pffffff.
rainbowjehan: Engineer: What's this fucking bee doing in my engine room?
rainbowjehan: SUDDEN BEEFUL DEATH: /STRIKES THE ENTIRE TRAIN.
saucynuisance: beeful
rainbowjehan: TERRIFYING BEE-INDUCED TRAINSPLOSION: HI EVERYONE.
rainbowjehan: Old Lady: fuuuuuckkkk thaaaaaat noooooiiiiiiisssssse.
rainbowjehan: Old Lady: /flies through air, dies.
rainbowjehan: Henry Fonda: Michael Caine, please get your hand out of my lap.
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: ...I'm Michael goddamn motherfucking Caine, bitch, I will grope you if I fucking want to.
rainbowjehan: Dr. DDH: Damn, I feel like such a third wheel around you guys.
rainbowjehan: And then they airdrop anti-bee pellets all over the southwest.
rainbowjehan: Bees: ...uh.
rainbowjehan: PM Michael Caine: "They seem to sense it's something that will kill them."
rainbowjehan: ACTUAL LINE, DELE.
saucynuisance: ...lmao
rainbowjehan: Random Ethnic Doctor: HOHO, back to my subplot!
rainbowjehan: Random Patient: I love you!
rainbowjehan: Random Ethnic Doctor: I guess this is supposed to be an inspiring subplot about how even in tragedy we can find love, but really I'm just glad your drugs are kicking in.
rainbowjehan: oh, wow, I think the moppet just bit the dust.
rainbowjehan: I truly did not call that one.
saucynuisance: ~*and another one bites, and another one bites, and another one bites the dust*~
rainbowjehan: oh man, they are not dying fast enough.
rainbowjehan: HOW is there still like an hour of this left?
rainbowjehan: Love Interest: THIS FINALLY IS WHAT TESTS MY FAITH.
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: Wait, you're screaming at me because this one stupid moppet died?
rainbowjehan: Love Interest: ...It was just emotion. Please sleep with me.
rainbowjehan: 11:54 PM Michael Caine: I MOST CERTAINLY WILL NOT.
rainbowjehan: Love Interest: Then I'm going to flashback.
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: Aww, MAAAN.
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: Oh p.s. I forgot to tell you that most people who've been stung end up relapsing and dying and that probably includes you.
rainbowjehan: Love Interest: ...
rainbowjehan:.......the bees ate a nuclear power plant?
rainbowjehan: oh, no, never mind, they're GOING to.
rainbowjehan: oh, that's MUCH better.
saucynuisance: that sounds unhealthy.
rainbowjehan: NUCLEAR KILLER BEEEEES.
rainbowjehan: every time I think this film can't top itself, it does.
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: Let's move to New Zealand!
rainbowjehan: Soujin: ......but that's where the killer sheep are.
saucynuisance: don't fucking bring the bees, mr caine, i'll kill you
rainbowjehan: XD XD XD
rainbowjehan: oh man, the killer sheep movie is SO great.
rainbowjehan: Henry Fonda: I WANT BEER AND PIZZA OR I AM NOT MAKING YOUR GODDAMN BEE ANTIDOTE.
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: ...All you had to do was say it in that tender tone of voice.
rainbowjehan: PM Henry Fonda: DAMMIT GET YOUR HAND OFF MY THIGH.
rainbowjehan: Jesus Chriiiist there are still forty minutes left what is this.
rainbowjehan: Henry Fonda: I am the only person who can make bee antidotes, so I will test them on myself and possibly die.
saucynuisance: I HAVE TO GIVE UP THE COMPUTER FOR AN HOUR
saucynuisance: but just
rainbowjehan: WHAT.
saucynuisance: keep putting this stuff in
rainbowjehan: NO.
rainbowjehan: okay.
saucynuisance: i'll read it when i get back >_>
saucynuisance: BUT I WANT TO SE- ty :3
rainbowjehan: fair enough.
saucynuisance: I AM ENJOYING YOUR WORDS okay
saucynuisance: okay bbl <3
rainbowjehan: OKAY.
rainbowjehan: I may give up before it ends and finish to-morrow, because this is fucking ridiculous, and it's already midnight, and I have class to-morrow, but.
rainbowjehan: Henry Fonda: I WILL NOW INJECT MYSELF.
rainbowjehan: Henry Fonda: I WILL NOW ATTEMPT TO USE MY FAKE EPIPEN.
rainbowjehan: Henry Fonda: HAVING ISSUES.
rainbowjehan: Henry Fonda: ....oh my god this fucking shit worked holy shit.
rainbowjehan: Love Interest: YOU'RE A FUCKING MORON.
rainbowjehan: Henry Fonda: ...oh wait I may have lied I think I'm flatlining.
rainbowjehan: Henry Fonda: Bibble babble nonsense nonsense blah.
rainbowjehan: Love Interest: ...I'mma go get Michael Caine.
rainbowjehan: Nope! He's dead too! Wow, the death toll among the main characters is really rising now.
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: Excuse me, did you bitches kill Henry Fonda? NOW WHO WILL I GROPE INAPPROPRIATELY?
rainbowjehan: Love Interest: Me?
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: /holds Henry Fonda's hands in his and weeps manfully while repeating his name.
rainbowjehan: Dr. DDH: so we should probably shut down the nuclear plant before we get radioactive bees.
rainbowjehan: Dr. DDH: They like infrared lights.
rainbowjehan: Nuclear Plant Guy: ....uh, fuck you.
rainbowjehan: WOOP WOOP WOOP NUCLEAR PLANT OVERTAKE BY BEE ALERT.
rainbowjehan: WOOP WOOP WOOP.
rainbowjehan: Dr. DDH: /RUNS IN SLOOWWWW-MOOOOO
rainbowjehan: Dr. DDH: FUUUUUUCKIIIIIINNNNNG BEEEES IIIIIIN MYYYYY FAAAACIIIIIIALLLLL HAAAAAIIIIIR.
rainbowjehan: Nuclear Plant: /ASPLODES
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: /gazes sadly at Henry Fonda's glasses
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: "Who would have thought that bees would be the first alien force to invade America?"
rainbowjehan: Another line of ACTUAL DIALOGUE.
rainbowjehan: provided to you by the screenwriters.
rainbowjehan: Love Interest: Now that the president isn't endorsing you, what can you do?
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: I'M MICHAEL GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING CAINE, BITCH, WHAT DO YOU THINK I CAN DO.
rainbowjehan: Love Interest: Save the world?
rainbowjehan: 12:26 AM Michael Caine: TY finally.
rainbowjehan: Also, it is really disturbing how they shorten "African Killer Bees" to "Africans" the whole way through.
rainbowjehan: Thus, "We're going to exterminate the Africans!" "By to-morrow there will be NO MORE AFRICANS in the United States!"
rainbowjehan: It's like, guys? guys? anybody? was anybody thinking about this?
rainbowjehan: Actually, I don't think anybody was thinking at ALL about this, but.
rainbowjehan: Government Guy: TIME TO BOMB THE FUCK OUT OF TEXAS.
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: I fucking hate you all.
rainbowjehan: Bees: O p.s. we developed spontaneous immunity to the pesticide you were trying to kill us with.
rainbowjehan: Government Guy: ...I guess the occupation of Houston... HAS BEGUN.
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: Sunflower seed?
rainbowjehan: Love Interest: It's like you respect the bees.
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: Of course I do, they're the only thing as awesome as me.
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: GOD MADE THEM AWESOME.
rainbowjehan: Love Interest: God made us with firebombs.
rainbowjehan: Love Interest: Also, get over here, it's sexy massage time.
rainbowjehan: Michael Caine: mmm, that's -- AWW MAN, BEES.
rainbowjehan: Love Interest: P.S. I'M HAVING MY RELAPSE NOW.
rainbowjehan: Random People: /die bee-covered deaths
rainbowjehan: ...I feel like they might be running out of steam a little.
rainbowjehan: JUST A LITTLE, mind you.
rainbowjehan: "CAN WE COUNT ON A SCIENTIST WHO PRAYS?" ARE YOU FOR REAL?
rainbowjehan: Meanwhile, the bee carnage rages on hilariously.
rainbowjehan: "I can't get through to the general! too much interference! damn bees!"
saucynuisance: DAMN BEES
rainbowjehan: I don't know why they even bothered with the plot, I would have watched two and a half hours of random bee carnage.
rainbowjehan: Government Guy: Here I stand in my office high above Houston, while it burns, wondering whether God exists.
rainbowjehan: Government Guy: "Will history blame me or the bees?"
rainbowjehan: This film is just.
rainbowjehan: taking itself SO SERIOUSLY.
saucynuisance: GOOD
rainbowjehan: for a film about KILLER BEES.
saucynuisance: nobody else will.
rainbowjehan: there are only fourteen minutes left.
rainbowjehan: FINALLY.
rainbowjehan: OH GOD.
rainbowjehan: THE BEES ARE ATTACKING EVERYONE BECAUSE OUR SONIC ALARM SYSTEMS SOUND EXACTLY LIKE A THREATENING MESSAGE.
rainbowjehan: SO IF WE USE THE SAME SOUND WE CAN LURE THEM OUT OF OUR CITIES AND KILL THEM IN A REMOTE SPOT.
rainbowjehan: I AM NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP.
rainbowjehan: ELEVATOR FULL OF BEEEEEEES.
rainbowjehan: SLOWWWW-MOOOOO FIIIIIIIRE DEAAAATHHHHH.
rainbowjehan: "What the hell's going on?"
rainbowjehan: "The bees! They've broken inside!"
rainbowjehan: Bee death overtakes Houston.
rainbowjehan: Only Michael Caine and Love Interest survive.
rainbowjehan: "Did we finally beat them?
rainbowjehan: "Or is this just a temporary victory?"
rainbowjehan: "I don't know. But we did gain time. If we use it wisely, the world might just survive.”
rainbowjehan: THE. MOTHERFUCKING. END.
rainbowjehan: WHAT DID I JUST WATCH.
saucynuisance: ............................lmfao

And now I am going to bed, dammit.

Comments

[raanve]

OMG.

Okay. So I just wrote an email to my best pal/former roommate/Queen of Horrible Movies and it had lots of all caps that told her that the next time she comes up here WE ARE WACTHING THIS.

Then, please lady I beg your forgiveness, I didn't read the rest of your live-chat log because I wanted to keep the ending fresh. -_^

Also, you make me laugh. A LOT.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Totally acceptable. I would want to be surprised/horrified, too.

Ilu and I only wish you had been there to watch/hear about it with me.

[raanve]

Perhaps someday we shall have a festival of awful films! With cookies! Huzzzah!

ilu too!

(Also, I almost posted as Imaginary Girl. :P There's an open post in her journal, if'n you get interested.)

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Yesssss.

(link me?)

[raanve]

I liiink!

http://sparrowblade.livejournal.com/6884.html

[mhari.livejournal.com]

That is astounding.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

And trufax.

[tinyammmy]

...can't...stop...laughing...

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

>:D AS WELL YOU SHOULDN'T.

[the-chloroplast.livejournal.com]

I must watch this movie. MUST WATCH. this movie.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

As well you should.

[azurai.livejournal.com]

WAIT WAIT WAIT. Do you mean moles like the thing in chemistry/was that biology? Cause if you do then WOW I JUST REMEMBERED THAT.
Alos on a slightly unrelated note hop over to my journal if you get a second, cause I really think you'd get a kick out of my most recent entry.

[azurai.livejournal.com]

*Also

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Moles in chemistry! Yes! :D

*hops over*

[azurai.livejournal.com]

Woohoo!