"How Silent... How Silent the Chamber is..."

It is a despondent day. I didn't have a fencing lesson - we're cut off from the world by the snow. The angst of living in an out-of-the-way town that no one's even heard of.

Someone from the newspaper called me to interview me on what homeschooled students do on snow days. Uh, hello? We have school. I have a sneaking suspicion this was your fault, tairaworld. *pokes good-naturedly*

But seriously. I did not have a good day. It is not a good evening. We likely won't have our piano lessons tomorrow either.

I am over my crush on Kate. She really seems to not-like me so much that I couldn't still. The conservative Christian boy is back haunting me again.

I cannot write. I feel utterly worthless. I spent an hour last night just staring at a blank computer document with an inspiring phrase in my head trying to write, and I could not. I have absolutely no talents outside of writing. For God's sake.

I feel shivery but not cold; the sort of shuddery like I'm going to cry but that I'm not.

Everyone else is taking SATs. I don't want to yet. I feel stupid because of this. Kate is bloody twelve, and she's taking hers. tairaworld either just took or is going to take hers. I am disgusting. And wretched.

Waen is always angry at me. I don't know why. She yells at me almost every day, and she's never happy with me, and she gets disgusted with me easily, and she's always making nasty, sarcastic remarks about how nice it must be to have friends. I don't know what to do. I can't do anything about it except cut myself off from everyone and never get online.

And everyone keeps telling me to just stop writing fanfiction, and try being original. Everyone in the Thursday Scum Club writes originally, and half of them have won awards for it. Not me. I've never entered in anything because I can't. And all around me, people tell me to just quit fanfiction and try to write my own things.

Damn it all to hell.

"The Ladies Seek Him Everywhere..."

Oh, I totally crack myself up. Everyone else in the Outsiders fandom writes Mary-Sues, and I write slash. And you know what? They're going to violently murder me for putting slash into their fandom.

Bah.