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Jun. 15th, 2005
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In other news, you know it's time to get the hell out of fandom and start amusing yourself with something else when you begin to slash the daily comics.
Mum said she might bring home my photographs to-night.
I feel a quiet shade of bluish-green colour.
I hate my most of old work, most of everything I wrote more than a day ago, but I still like Parsifal. Poor Parsifal. *flutters a little*
And, and, secretly I want to go away into another world. I want to go into a place with a very blue sky. And trees.
And a little, I think, I would like a balloon. One of the kind that float. It--you can't hold balloons, but. It's such a good, round word.
If I could draw, I would draw myself a balloon. And colour it red.
Mum said she might bring home my photographs to-night.
I feel a quiet shade of bluish-green colour.
I hate my most of old work, most of everything I wrote more than a day ago, but I still like Parsifal. Poor Parsifal. *flutters a little*
And, and, secretly I want to go away into another world. I want to go into a place with a very blue sky. And trees.
And a little, I think, I would like a balloon. One of the kind that float. It--you can't hold balloons, but. It's such a good, round word.
If I could draw, I would draw myself a balloon. And colour it red.
Oh, oh, oh! Have had the most wonderful day at work imaginable.
*cries because her people are the best people in the world*
12:00: Came in, and stood around talking to everyone as they ate lunch. Marcie was feeling much better than she had been on Monday, and hugged me; Malcolm and I did my hand-twisty thing--this is when first we clasp hands, and then we thread fingers, and then we fold our hands together, and then we clasp again, lingeringly; and it takes the place of a hug, because I am not allowed to hug the gentlemen; and it also just feels good, and my people like it--and we saluted; Katy and I talked for a little while; Jennie and I talked; Daniel was not feeling so well, but I said hello; I spoke with Norm and Al and Charles; I said hello to Anna and May; and I made jokes with Mary. It felt so good to see everybody, and I did see almost everybody.
12:30: No one was doing the 12:30 activity, so I ran out and snagged the Circle and the beach ball and played with a tonne of people--I got Alberta and Jennie and Helen and Verna and Katy (who says she is blind, but nonetheless hits the ball admirably) and Harvey and Doris, of all people, who never joins anything because she is very tiny and very fragile and never speaks above a whisper; and lots of other people besides.
13:00: Went off and visited Charlie, and we talked until 13:40, regarding Watergate and Deep Throat, which neither of us know anything about, and Betty Grable, Olivia de Haviland, and Cary Grant; about Harry S. Truman and Mamie Eisenhower, and about his family, and the first time anyone said the word 'damn' in a film. Charlie and I get along so well. Possibly this is because I am antiquated as hell and can't even carry on a conversation with someone my own age. And before I left, he told me--he said that if he'd ever had a daughter, he wished she was just like me, and that I looked pretty, and that I was his lady hero and always made him happy, which is just too many things to say all at once, too overwhelmingly wonderful, because it means I'm doing things right. Whatever else I've done, I've managed to make Charlie happy, and it's the most important thing in the world. It doesn't matter whether I'm not pretty or I don't like the way I am or if I don't think I'm good enough for people--Charlie does, and he's happy to think so, and--I am not explaining this at all properly, but. I'm not embarrassed, you know. I don't feel too flattered. I feel glad because he's happy. Am sorry. This makes no sense. My words are not fitting together the way I want them too.
14:00: Got all the transport done for the 14:00 activity, and did a favour for Mary-Catherine, which always feels nice. ^_^ She was happy. And then I visited Anna, because the 14:00 activity happened to be one I'm not allowed to participate in; and so I spent until 14:35 in Anna's room, talking about her family and about me learning to drive next year. I am convinced I will kill myself or somebody else. Anna is convinced nothing of the sort will happen. So we argued, fondly, and laughed, and kissed each other and said good-bye, and she said she was always happy to have me visit. Also, after I left her, I spoke to Kim [the Assistant Activities Director] briefly, and mentioned wanting to become a stoma surgeon, and she understood! She didn't think it was silly of me! It is really a very important fancy for me just at present, and probably in a year I shall want something entirely different, but right now I want to be a stoma surgeon, and Kim understands. And I was happy.
14:40: I, all by myself, did a spontaneous activity! Because the 14:00 activity turned out to be almost an hour shorter than it was supposed to be, I spontaneously, my own idea, captured half a dozen people and organised a sing along. They always go off well because everybody likes singing, and I know all the songs, and the music is good and familiar. And it went! Until 15:15! And I thanked everybody for coming and they went off and left me to muddle down the hall and fetch the mail. Only Kim did the mail ahead of me; but I mentioned that it was my favourite thing to do, so she said she'd be sure to leave it for me every time I come in, in that case.
15:20: I bobbed around and visited people, helped with the hydration cart, ran errands, read through the activity books, organised the 16:15 activity ahead of time, put up a few calenders and folded still more, and watched Linda do documentation. One notable unfortunate thing happened here, but it was the only one: Kim accidentally gave Mots a styrofoam cup for his cheese curls, and he ate it. Which he does. But he only ate part of it, and I managed to get him to give it to me and spit out what he had in his mouth because I was the only one in that huge room full of people who noticed--that Mots was eating a big styrofoam cup, augh! Afterwards, I pretended to hang myself with my scarf to Daniel, and made him laugh.
16:15: The activity happened to be Tongue Twisters, which I have never done before, and I was very nervous, but it went off really beautifully! I made so many people laugh, and we all had loads of fun. ^____^ Daniel especially laughed, but I even made Alberta not angry with me any more. I placated her with seventy-seven benevolent elephants! *dansez* My new favourite tongue twister, incidentally, is 'a quick-witted cricket critic'. I cannot say it. I have tried so many times, but--no good. I am utterly charmed. At any rate, the activity! So good! Ran all until 17:00! Got Marcie and Millie and Helen and Mary to join in, and made Al and May laugh, which in both cases is a supreme victory. Al does not laugh, and May is always crying. Anna actually told me why--I didn't know before. I knew that May's daughter, who was my age, died, and that May loves me because I look like her; but Anna told me that her husband and her daughter died within a year of each other of cancer, and May is heartbroken. Anna thought that perhaps I was upset because May is always so often crying, and so often after seeing me or any other children. And I made May laugh. She took my hand and pressed it very tight, and I kissed her and hugged her and smiled for her; but she did laugh a little. No one can resist Soujin when she tries to say 'a quick-witted cricket critic' three times fast.
17:05: Right before I left, I took Marcie to dinner, and she was surprised and delighted to find I know exactly which table is hers. *blithely* This is very silly of her, because I come in and say hello to her at lunch every day I'm in. But she made me smile, because I pleased her.
It's so funny. I'm horridly awkward around people my own age, and especially children younger than I am. I honestly can't do a thing in social situations. My peers find me weird and creepy, and I find them frustrating: they find me pretentious and ridiculous; and I find them annoying, no matter how hard I try: but my people, with my people, I fit in so exactly.
We can talk. The reason, too, is often because we're all in the same time period.
Sometimes I think a Soujin is a lot like a little old woman. A tiny little old woman who smiles and dashes about insanely, perhaps, but nevertheless--I think a Soujin is almost the exact opposite of Sophie from Howl's Moving Castle.
At any rate, it doesn't matter. What I mean to say is, I had the most wonderful day at work, and I am all out of shape and full-up feeling from love.
*cries because her people are the best people in the world*
12:00: Came in, and stood around talking to everyone as they ate lunch. Marcie was feeling much better than she had been on Monday, and hugged me; Malcolm and I did my hand-twisty thing--this is when first we clasp hands, and then we thread fingers, and then we fold our hands together, and then we clasp again, lingeringly; and it takes the place of a hug, because I am not allowed to hug the gentlemen; and it also just feels good, and my people like it--and we saluted; Katy and I talked for a little while; Jennie and I talked; Daniel was not feeling so well, but I said hello; I spoke with Norm and Al and Charles; I said hello to Anna and May; and I made jokes with Mary. It felt so good to see everybody, and I did see almost everybody.
12:30: No one was doing the 12:30 activity, so I ran out and snagged the Circle and the beach ball and played with a tonne of people--I got Alberta and Jennie and Helen and Verna and Katy (who says she is blind, but nonetheless hits the ball admirably) and Harvey and Doris, of all people, who never joins anything because she is very tiny and very fragile and never speaks above a whisper; and lots of other people besides.
13:00: Went off and visited Charlie, and we talked until 13:40, regarding Watergate and Deep Throat, which neither of us know anything about, and Betty Grable, Olivia de Haviland, and Cary Grant; about Harry S. Truman and Mamie Eisenhower, and about his family, and the first time anyone said the word 'damn' in a film. Charlie and I get along so well. Possibly this is because I am antiquated as hell and can't even carry on a conversation with someone my own age. And before I left, he told me--he said that if he'd ever had a daughter, he wished she was just like me, and that I looked pretty, and that I was his lady hero and always made him happy, which is just too many things to say all at once, too overwhelmingly wonderful, because it means I'm doing things right. Whatever else I've done, I've managed to make Charlie happy, and it's the most important thing in the world. It doesn't matter whether I'm not pretty or I don't like the way I am or if I don't think I'm good enough for people--Charlie does, and he's happy to think so, and--I am not explaining this at all properly, but. I'm not embarrassed, you know. I don't feel too flattered. I feel glad because he's happy. Am sorry. This makes no sense. My words are not fitting together the way I want them too.
14:00: Got all the transport done for the 14:00 activity, and did a favour for Mary-Catherine, which always feels nice. ^_^ She was happy. And then I visited Anna, because the 14:00 activity happened to be one I'm not allowed to participate in; and so I spent until 14:35 in Anna's room, talking about her family and about me learning to drive next year. I am convinced I will kill myself or somebody else. Anna is convinced nothing of the sort will happen. So we argued, fondly, and laughed, and kissed each other and said good-bye, and she said she was always happy to have me visit. Also, after I left her, I spoke to Kim [the Assistant Activities Director] briefly, and mentioned wanting to become a stoma surgeon, and she understood! She didn't think it was silly of me! It is really a very important fancy for me just at present, and probably in a year I shall want something entirely different, but right now I want to be a stoma surgeon, and Kim understands. And I was happy.
14:40: I, all by myself, did a spontaneous activity! Because the 14:00 activity turned out to be almost an hour shorter than it was supposed to be, I spontaneously, my own idea, captured half a dozen people and organised a sing along. They always go off well because everybody likes singing, and I know all the songs, and the music is good and familiar. And it went! Until 15:15! And I thanked everybody for coming and they went off and left me to muddle down the hall and fetch the mail. Only Kim did the mail ahead of me; but I mentioned that it was my favourite thing to do, so she said she'd be sure to leave it for me every time I come in, in that case.
15:20: I bobbed around and visited people, helped with the hydration cart, ran errands, read through the activity books, organised the 16:15 activity ahead of time, put up a few calenders and folded still more, and watched Linda do documentation. One notable unfortunate thing happened here, but it was the only one: Kim accidentally gave Mots a styrofoam cup for his cheese curls, and he ate it. Which he does. But he only ate part of it, and I managed to get him to give it to me and spit out what he had in his mouth because I was the only one in that huge room full of people who noticed--that Mots was eating a big styrofoam cup, augh! Afterwards, I pretended to hang myself with my scarf to Daniel, and made him laugh.
16:15: The activity happened to be Tongue Twisters, which I have never done before, and I was very nervous, but it went off really beautifully! I made so many people laugh, and we all had loads of fun. ^____^ Daniel especially laughed, but I even made Alberta not angry with me any more. I placated her with seventy-seven benevolent elephants! *dansez* My new favourite tongue twister, incidentally, is 'a quick-witted cricket critic'. I cannot say it. I have tried so many times, but--no good. I am utterly charmed. At any rate, the activity! So good! Ran all until 17:00! Got Marcie and Millie and Helen and Mary to join in, and made Al and May laugh, which in both cases is a supreme victory. Al does not laugh, and May is always crying. Anna actually told me why--I didn't know before. I knew that May's daughter, who was my age, died, and that May loves me because I look like her; but Anna told me that her husband and her daughter died within a year of each other of cancer, and May is heartbroken. Anna thought that perhaps I was upset because May is always so often crying, and so often after seeing me or any other children. And I made May laugh. She took my hand and pressed it very tight, and I kissed her and hugged her and smiled for her; but she did laugh a little. No one can resist Soujin when she tries to say 'a quick-witted cricket critic' three times fast.
17:05: Right before I left, I took Marcie to dinner, and she was surprised and delighted to find I know exactly which table is hers. *blithely* This is very silly of her, because I come in and say hello to her at lunch every day I'm in. But she made me smile, because I pleased her.
It's so funny. I'm horridly awkward around people my own age, and especially children younger than I am. I honestly can't do a thing in social situations. My peers find me weird and creepy, and I find them frustrating: they find me pretentious and ridiculous; and I find them annoying, no matter how hard I try: but my people, with my people, I fit in so exactly.
We can talk. The reason, too, is often because we're all in the same time period.
Sometimes I think a Soujin is a lot like a little old woman. A tiny little old woman who smiles and dashes about insanely, perhaps, but nevertheless--I think a Soujin is almost the exact opposite of Sophie from Howl's Moving Castle.
At any rate, it doesn't matter. What I mean to say is, I had the most wonderful day at work, and I am all out of shape and full-up feeling from love.
Incidentally.
It occurs to me that I have not made an omgtehdiet post in an obscenely long time. With that in mind--
I never mentioned this, but I've joined Curves. It's far more fun than it has any right to be. As with 'Sweatin' to the Oldies', I can sing along with allll the music, which give me much glee, and the workout is energising and squee and really very bouncy. And I like bouncy. It feels good, and it goes fast--despite being half an hour for the whole thing.
I gained a bit of weight on vacation, so I am working hard to get down before Sewanee. I skipped my WW meeting to-night to go to Curves, and I am not sure whether this makes me a good person or a bad person, but. ^_~
I mean to cut down on my sodium. I seem to be getting very swollen in the legs from too much salt, so from now on I shall find over things to season with.
And. That's all. This has been taking up a good deal less of my life than it used to. It must be something about stealing Waen's old jeans and wearing them.
I shall say, however, that the vast amounts of wonderful vegetables that are coming in in the garden with delightful alacrity are only helping my cause. Excessively. Bweeee for summer!
It occurs to me that I have not made an omgtehdiet post in an obscenely long time. With that in mind--
I never mentioned this, but I've joined Curves. It's far more fun than it has any right to be. As with 'Sweatin' to the Oldies', I can sing along with allll the music, which give me much glee, and the workout is energising and squee and really very bouncy. And I like bouncy. It feels good, and it goes fast--
I gained a bit of weight on vacation, so I am working hard to get down before Sewanee. I skipped my WW meeting to-night to go to Curves, and I am not sure whether this makes me a good person or a bad person, but. ^_~
I mean to cut down on my sodium. I seem to be getting very swollen in the legs from too much salt, so from now on I shall find over things to season with.
And. That's all. This has been taking up a good deal less of my life than it used to. It must be something about stealing Waen's old jeans and wearing them.
I shall say, however, that the vast amounts of wonderful vegetables that are coming in in the garden with delightful alacrity are only helping my cause. Excessively. Bweeee for summer!
An announcement which of course DFers should see:
I need to take a small break. I have no life any more. I am getting five hours of sleep a night, and am in danger of getting consumption again. At the risk of sounding like a melodramatic twit, my cough has already come back and knocked me over a couple of times.
So. I shall be taking the rest of the week off: shall be on LJ, no question, but nowhere near![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
desperatefans.
Because I have gifts to write, and it is summer, and I ought to be outside lying in the grass by the crabapple. I ought to helping with the garden, and helping thin the fruit trees. I live on a farm, and things need to be done.
And--and me, you know. Because I am just--everything hurts. And I need to concentrate on keeping hold of my friends, because as I said earlier, I am not holding on tight enough, and I need to. So.
My sockses will absent themselves, and I will apologise, but I need to belong to myself a little.
Thank you for understanding, everybody. <3
I need to take a small break. I have no life any more. I am getting five hours of sleep a night, and am in danger of getting consumption again. At the risk of sounding like a melodramatic twit, my cough has already come back and knocked me over a couple of times.
So. I shall be taking the rest of the week off: shall be on LJ, no question, but nowhere near
desperatefans.Because I have gifts to write, and it is summer, and I ought to be outside lying in the grass by the crabapple. I ought to helping with the garden, and helping thin the fruit trees. I live on a farm, and things need to be done.
And--and me, you know. Because I am just--everything hurts. And I need to concentrate on keeping hold of my friends, because as I said earlier, I am not holding on tight enough, and I need to. So.
My sockses will absent themselves, and I will apologise, but I need to belong to myself a little.
Thank you for understanding, everybody. <3
