"A Fine Romance, with No Kisses..."

1. I don't think I'll be online this week. See everybody when I feel like existing again.

2. My feet hurt. ;_________________; And are bleeding, flail.

3. *waves*

"And I'm Ready -- I Can See It..."

I really don't know what I'm doing.

I feel like I'm split up into two parts; and on the one hand, I'm so happy--I keep dancing for no reason, I keep singing for no reason, everything makes me smile, I get proper sleep now, I feel beautiful (and, Jesus God, I haven't felt beautiful in so long, it's been so long since I felt I was worth anything at all, it's been so long since I didn't hate myself, that this is all so new and so light), and I'm happy looking at the stars and I twirl a lot, and I laugh a lot, and I hug people and love people and I just can't believe how happy I am all the time, and I'm taking my life back. I am honestly to heavenly getting things back. I'm not scared and I don't spend all my time in hysterics and I don't want to cry with frustration and I keep realising how good things are and I'm me and it's all right and obviously this won't all come back at once, it'll take time, and I'll still have bad days, but I am getting things back and I don't have words enough or any way to express how wonderful it is. It feels like coming back to life.

But on the other hand, I feel completely aimless. I feel distinctly lonely, for no reason, and utterly purposeless, and I want to cry for no reason, and I want to sleep all the time, and I have lost all my motivation to get things done, and--it's like an entirely different extreme. I'm just--I feel all floaty and empty and rather lost.

And I have no idea why, and I don't know what it is, and I definitely won't be on LJ for a while, but I have so many things to tell everyone, but I don't feel I have enough energy to say them, and I'm weeks behind answering comments, and looking at my flist, and--

I don't know. I just don't know what it is.

And I can't sleep to-night, so I think I'll go do to-morrow's schoolwork. But.

I don't really know.

Maybe I really should cry. I don't know whether it would help, but my eyes keep stinging, and my head feels rather achy. I mean--I just don't know what it is.

(I wish it were next week. I wish it were two fridays from now. I want I want I want to go away from here and I want someone so badly)

And I want so badly to be touched, why is that? I thought I was ill this morning, maybe I am? But do you see what I mean, it's all very silly, and it doesn't make any sense, and it's just very floaty and quiet. It as though even being sad is drawn apart from me. It's like being in two parts, a happy Soujin and a quiet sad one, and I just don't know.

...Possibly this is just ordinary teenage angst?

...Be back next week.