"I Wish We Weren't Conceived in Violence..."

Please let me sleep without medication to-night.

"I Get Up in the Evening, and I Ain't Got Nothing to Say..."

To-day I called off work at the nursing home; I told Jess I was sick, which I hold to be true--I don't care if it's not physical. Then I slept until ten, got up, had breakfast and did a little schoolwork, and went back to sleep from noon to about three.

I went to the gym and finished my book, which has been creepy as hell and unfortunately ends on a cliffhanger--have I mentioned I hate series? I DON'T HAVE THE ENERGY, AUTHORS. PLEASE JUST WRITE ME A GOOD STAND-ALONE BOOK. Is that too much to ask...?...! Apparently! I don't like reading series unless I have vested interest in the author or subject (see: eegatland), and even then it's slightly exhausting. I love YA fantasy, but it's all part of long series that I don't want to get involved in. >_> Even juvenile fantasy is like this. Whyyyyy. The last really excellent by-itself book I read was Younguncle Comes to Town, and that was perfect. They don't write like that any more...! I need to find The Ear, the Eye, and the Arm.

But I digress.

After gym I did the grocery shopping, which is always fun. I am turning into my father, sadly--I stand around comparing prices for about five minutes on every item I buy. But it's important, because we're short on money, significantly, and I need to worry about this kind of thing. Luckily I got everything on the list for under twenty dollars, which was cheering. Also they had chocolate pie samples in the bakery department. ^_^

I forgot to bring in my cloth grocery bags, but the checkout girl was incredibly nice and let me take everything out in my basket instead of bagging it in plastic, and I got a bag out of the trunk and put everything in, and then brought the basket back. I was so glad. Less waste is always good.

On the way home I drove the long way by the river--you can smell the river as long as the sun shines. There were cows in all the pastures, and I think cows truly are beautiful, a kind of peace--I love them. They swish. Then I went by Hillchurch to give my love to the cemetery. The cemetery is special because almost everyone there has a last name of someone who's been to the nursing home, and I feel like I know them all by proxy, this huge, tangled, country family of farmers. I love to drive that way. I think of all my people being there somehow.

Then we had supper, and Mama and Maria went to pottery, and I finished up my work. So now I'm hoping to do icons for a bit. I have a new painter for painted_by. But I thought--it's been too long since I've felt well enough to post, and I thought I should do that.

I think I may have to quit working at the nursing home. I can handle three jobs, but it's so hard; and I could never leave the library, and of course the convenience store is my income job; and the thing is, the difficult thing is that over the last year we've become much more of a rehab centre than a nursing home, so people go in and out so fast--and all the people I had connexions to, my Charlie and Gayle and my sweet people, have died this last year. I would still come by and visit once in a while, I'd certainly do that, but it's not the same as it was when I first started working there, and I also have trouble with the pressure Michelle puts on me. I don't know--maybe, once my class is over, I'll be saner; but that's not until December; too, we're moving to Snyder County, and that takes me from fifteen minutes from work to almost an hour. Maybe I'll work there until the move. I like to pretend everyone would understand.

Decisions are difficult for me at the best of times, o vae, ahime.

My kitty slept with me last night. ♥