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"Whoever Got That Brave..."
Apr. 25th, 2009 12:43 amI really do not like April.
I'm not angry any more, but now I'm weepy and anxious and depressed; I keep cycling around from feeling sort of okay again to feeling awful, and bursting into tears for no apparent reason; and I had several meetings/talks with professors to-day and came away from all of them feeling like an idiot and wishing I hadn't said anything. I probably wasn't an idiot, but I feel like everything I said was stupid or pretentious or made me sound like I thought I was better than other students, and I don't (I told Dr. Reingold about how some of the other folks in my sosh class started the twelve-page research paper the day before it was due, and how I just can't do that because I get too stressed out, so I'd done mine about three weeks earlier, and then I realised that made me sound like I was saying I was better because I got my work done early, and that's not how I meant to sound).
Serena and I had dinner together on the quad and we met Steph, and she was all dressed up and looked so cute--I like this warmer weather because all the girls like to go out walking in these really cute clothes and they're so pretty. And Serena invited me to Mayfest to-morrow and we are thinking maybe we'll bicycle to the Peace Chapel on Sunday, which sounds really nice.
Maria's turkeys hatched out seven poults but three are dead, and the pigs are growing really quick. She came up to visit on Thursday and we went to Boxer's for lunch, which was nice: I think the people who run it are very sensitive to the fact that this is a college town, because it's incredibly good food but it costs very little, and we were able to eat for thirteen dollars, which was wonderful. I'm all out of money for food so right now I'm sponging off people whose meal plans were more extensive than mine. Serena has a lot of meals left and doesn't mind (she says) spending them on me, and I'm grateful. She's going to come home with us after finals and spend a few days in Oriental before she goes home, because she's transferring out after this semester and going to Indiana, which is a real shame. Anyway she wanted to meet the Quaker and get to hang out with our family one last time because everybody adores her.
I have a terrible headache and a lot of homework although most of it is reading (Heart of Darkness is due on Tuesday, O God). Actually I think less homework than I have been telling myself, mostly because I am having one of the sustained anxiety attacks that last over several days and make everything terrifying and stressful. Also the other day when I was having lunch I decided to get ice cream and I passed my sociology professor and she was all "omg what an enormous bowl of ice cream you have there!" and I have been feeling fat and losery ever since. >_< So--I don't know, I'll blame it on April.
I think I need some time for myself.
I'm not angry any more, but now I'm weepy and anxious and depressed; I keep cycling around from feeling sort of okay again to feeling awful, and bursting into tears for no apparent reason; and I had several meetings/talks with professors to-day and came away from all of them feeling like an idiot and wishing I hadn't said anything. I probably wasn't an idiot, but I feel like everything I said was stupid or pretentious or made me sound like I thought I was better than other students, and I don't (I told Dr. Reingold about how some of the other folks in my sosh class started the twelve-page research paper the day before it was due, and how I just can't do that because I get too stressed out, so I'd done mine about three weeks earlier, and then I realised that made me sound like I was saying I was better because I got my work done early, and that's not how I meant to sound).
Serena and I had dinner together on the quad and we met Steph, and she was all dressed up and looked so cute--I like this warmer weather because all the girls like to go out walking in these really cute clothes and they're so pretty. And Serena invited me to Mayfest to-morrow and we are thinking maybe we'll bicycle to the Peace Chapel on Sunday, which sounds really nice.
Maria's turkeys hatched out seven poults but three are dead, and the pigs are growing really quick. She came up to visit on Thursday and we went to Boxer's for lunch, which was nice: I think the people who run it are very sensitive to the fact that this is a college town, because it's incredibly good food but it costs very little, and we were able to eat for thirteen dollars, which was wonderful. I'm all out of money for food so right now I'm sponging off people whose meal plans were more extensive than mine. Serena has a lot of meals left and doesn't mind (she says) spending them on me, and I'm grateful. She's going to come home with us after finals and spend a few days in Oriental before she goes home, because she's transferring out after this semester and going to Indiana, which is a real shame. Anyway she wanted to meet the Quaker and get to hang out with our family one last time because everybody adores her.
I have a terrible headache and a lot of homework although most of it is reading (Heart of Darkness is due on Tuesday, O God). Actually I think less homework than I have been telling myself, mostly because I am having one of the sustained anxiety attacks that last over several days and make everything terrifying and stressful. Also the other day when I was having lunch I decided to get ice cream and I passed my sociology professor and she was all "omg what an enormous bowl of ice cream you have there!" and I have been feeling fat and losery ever since. >_< So--I don't know, I'll blame it on April.
I think I need some time for myself.
