gileonnen already said this far more eloquently than I ever could. Even so...
That feeling, "I can't do everything people expect of me", it's terrible. It's partly being a teenager, and partly doing such a lot of things - you have two jobs and you're in high school and it's almost Christmas; the three combined would be enough to give anyone hysterics. Sometimes, when you've committed yourself to something, it's difficult to say "This is enough, I can do this much but not more" - but being ill is not a crime, and neither is going away for Christmas. Unfortunately, it's rather too easy to think, "I can just push my limits a little bit further" and forget that it's quite possible to push oneself too far.
Because surprisingly often, we expect far more from ourselves than what others expect from us. We catch ourselves trying desperately to be perfect at something, when being okay is enough. The thing is, you're incredibly much more than just "okay" at what you do, and you really do care about what you do, else you wouldn't feel like this.
- And talking about these things (or writing, which in this case amounts to the same thing) is incredibly important and a huge step towards - I can't remember the correct word and have no dictionary here, but it's a very important step definitely. It doesn't make you a drama queen or anything of the sort; it makes you someone who realises that maybe feeling like this isn't necessary (which it isn't, but not feeling like it isn't easy, even so).
And you do wonderful things all the time - you work ever so much and you send Christmas cards all over (which is so kind; I've hung it on the wall with blue-tack and it's beautiful). If people do look at you, it's because they think you're great, not because they're angry with you.
This doesn't sound quite like it should. Sorry. But. Cheer up? - Which isn't terribly helpful advice. Don't stop posting about these things - post all you like; e-mail me if you feel like it; anything that makes you feel better, even a little better.
Because you're not stupid, you simply want to do your best, or even better. Which may not be sensible, but it's certainly human.
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Date: 2005-12-14 06:11 pm (UTC)That feeling, "I can't do everything people expect of me", it's terrible. It's partly being a teenager, and partly doing such a lot of things - you have two jobs and you're in high school and it's almost Christmas; the three combined would be enough to give anyone hysterics. Sometimes, when you've committed yourself to something, it's difficult to say "This is enough, I can do this much but not more" - but being ill is not a crime, and neither is going away for Christmas. Unfortunately, it's rather too easy to think, "I can just push my limits a little bit further" and forget that it's quite possible to push oneself too far.
Because surprisingly often, we expect far more from ourselves than what others expect from us. We catch ourselves trying desperately to be perfect at something, when being okay is enough. The thing is, you're incredibly much more than just "okay" at what you do, and you really do care about what you do, else you wouldn't feel like this.
- And talking about these things (or writing, which in this case amounts to the same thing) is incredibly important and a huge step towards - I can't remember the correct word and have no dictionary here, but it's a very important step definitely. It doesn't make you a drama queen or anything of the sort; it makes you someone who realises that maybe feeling like this isn't necessary (which it isn't, but not feeling like it isn't easy, even so).
And you do wonderful things all the time - you work ever so much and you send Christmas cards all over (which is so kind; I've hung it on the wall with blue-tack and it's beautiful). If people do look at you, it's because they think you're great, not because they're angry with you.
This doesn't sound quite like it should. Sorry. But. Cheer up? - Which isn't terribly helpful advice. Don't stop posting about these things - post all you like; e-mail me if you feel like it; anything that makes you feel better, even a little better.
Because you're not stupid, you simply want to do your best, or even better. Which may not be sensible, but it's certainly human.