I've been there, oh, have I been there. I used to call myself the underachieving overachiever. I have a lot of ambition, and a lot of drive, and a lot of goals...when I'm well. These aren't the manic type of goals that people with bi-polar have, they're just normal young people goals that are not too hard to obtain, if some effort is involved. I'm not well very often, and when I am considered "well" by some professionals I'm really just scraping by, so I don't have the true energy to "live up to my potential." I've been told by many that I could have been a musical prodigy, or a published poet and prose author, if I just "put more effort into it." They don't seem to understand that a lot of my effort goes into just getting out of bed every day, and then making sure I get past the couch. Not to sleep, since I don't do much of that, but the pull of lying down and counting dots in the ceiling is tempting when depression takes over and everything you do seems pointless. Might as well do something that actually IS pointless, eh?
Basically my tl;dr comment to your post is to say you are not alone. I did manage to get through college with a semi decent GPA and thus the possibility of fulfilling one of my ambitions (Ph.D) in the future, so there is hope, even if you aren't doing as well as you'd like. I usually scraped by on just enough credits as well and I STILL feel guilty when I hear about people holding down 20 credits and a job or something like that.
But remember, they don't have to use all their energy simply to put on their clothing in the morning, and depressives do.
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Date: 2009-02-23 07:00 am (UTC)I used to call myself the underachieving overachiever. I have a lot of ambition, and a lot of drive, and a lot of goals...when I'm well. These aren't the manic type of goals that people with bi-polar have, they're just normal young people goals that are not too hard to obtain, if some effort is involved. I'm not well very often, and when I am considered "well" by some professionals I'm really just scraping by, so I don't have the true energy to "live up to my potential." I've been told by many that I could have been a musical prodigy, or a published poet and prose author, if I just "put more effort into it." They don't seem to understand that a lot of my effort goes into just getting out of bed every day, and then making sure I get past the couch. Not to sleep, since I don't do much of that, but the pull of lying down and counting dots in the ceiling is tempting when depression takes over and everything you do seems pointless. Might as well do something that actually IS pointless, eh?
Basically my tl;dr comment to your post is to say you are not alone. I did manage to get through college with a semi decent GPA and thus the possibility of fulfilling one of my ambitions (Ph.D) in the future, so there is hope, even if you aren't doing as well as you'd like. I usually scraped by on just enough credits as well and I STILL feel guilty when I hear about people holding down 20 credits and a job or something like that.
But remember, they don't have to use all their energy simply to put on their clothing in the morning, and depressives do.