"Akane-Iro no Setsunai Jounetsu..."
May. 19th, 2004 10:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
psalm_onethirtyoneOkay. Because I am ill, Mum went soft and gave me one of my birthday presents early. This present is (drumroll, please) Diana Wynne Jones' masterpiece The Tough Guide to Fantasyland. It's supposed to be out of print. No idea where she got it.
If you have not read this book, I am now demanding that you do so. Go. Now. To your library or to your local used bookstore, or wherever else you get books. Read it.
"Horses are of a breed unique to Fantasyland. They are capable of galloping full-tilt all day without a rest. Sometimes they do not require food or water. They never cast shoes, go lame, or put their hooves down holes, except when the Management deems it necessary, as when the forces of the DARK LORD are only half an hour behind. They never otherwise stumble. Nor do they make life difficult for Tourists by biting or kicking their riders or one another. They never resist being mounted, or blow out so their girths slip, or do any of the other things that make horses so chancy in this world. For example, they never shy and seldom whinny or demand sugar at inopportune moments. But for some reason you cannot hold a conversation while riding them. If you want to say anything to another Tourist (or vice versa), both of you have to rein to a stop and stand staring out over a VALLEY while you talk. Apart from this inexplicable quirk, Horses can be used much like bicycles, and usually are. Much research on how these exemplary creatures exist has resulted in the following: no mare ever comes into season on the Tour, and no STALLION ever shows interest in a mare; and few Horses are described as geldings. It therefore seems probable that they breed by pollination. This theory does seem to account for everything, since it is clear that these creatures do behave more like vegetables than mammals. It also explains why the ANGLO-SAXON COSSACKS and the DESERT NOMADS appear to have a monopoly on Horse-breeding. They alone possess the secret of how to pollinate them. See also HORSE-BREEDING."
"Bread is quite well-known in Fantasyland, but you will seldom get much of it and it will never be fresh. You might be given some to sop up your STEW in an INN of an evening, but in the morning, just as that day's baking should be ready, the Rules state you have to make a hurried departure, having time to grab up only a piece of stale loaf and a hunk of cheese."
Etc.
*thrilled*
If you have not read this book, I am now demanding that you do so. Go. Now. To your library or to your local used bookstore, or wherever else you get books. Read it.
"Horses are of a breed unique to Fantasyland. They are capable of galloping full-tilt all day without a rest. Sometimes they do not require food or water. They never cast shoes, go lame, or put their hooves down holes, except when the Management deems it necessary, as when the forces of the DARK LORD are only half an hour behind. They never otherwise stumble. Nor do they make life difficult for Tourists by biting or kicking their riders or one another. They never resist being mounted, or blow out so their girths slip, or do any of the other things that make horses so chancy in this world. For example, they never shy and seldom whinny or demand sugar at inopportune moments. But for some reason you cannot hold a conversation while riding them. If you want to say anything to another Tourist (or vice versa), both of you have to rein to a stop and stand staring out over a VALLEY while you talk. Apart from this inexplicable quirk, Horses can be used much like bicycles, and usually are. Much research on how these exemplary creatures exist has resulted in the following: no mare ever comes into season on the Tour, and no STALLION ever shows interest in a mare; and few Horses are described as geldings. It therefore seems probable that they breed by pollination. This theory does seem to account for everything, since it is clear that these creatures do behave more like vegetables than mammals. It also explains why the ANGLO-SAXON COSSACKS and the DESERT NOMADS appear to have a monopoly on Horse-breeding. They alone possess the secret of how to pollinate them. See also HORSE-BREEDING."
"Bread is quite well-known in Fantasyland, but you will seldom get much of it and it will never be fresh. You might be given some to sop up your STEW in an INN of an evening, but in the morning, just as that day's baking should be ready, the Rules state you have to make a hurried departure, having time to grab up only a piece of stale loaf and a hunk of cheese."
Etc.
*thrilled*
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Date: 2004-05-19 08:35 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-05-19 08:41 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-05-20 03:35 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-05-20 08:12 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-05-20 12:58 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-05-20 08:13 pm (UTC)And JKRowling so ripped her off, but I've promised not to bitch about that.