"I'm All Alone at the Drive-In Movie..."

!!! Howl's Moving Castle!

...So very not like the book. Except that mostly it is. But omg Michael. What he did to Michael! ...And yet it works.

*flails incoherently*

You know, to change the subject entirely, work is quite mad since I've come home. When I am not so distracted and exhausted I plan to write about that in detail. For now, however, bed is more than necessary.

Also, Fish? You owe me, I think. Read TMI!

"Et à demain, ami fidèle..."

Aaaand a happy Bastille Day to all you lovely people who celebrate it! ^____^

To-day I went to a flower show Mum was judging in. I love flowers, and I love arrangements, and I love seeing what madness people come up with for themes. This theme, incidentally, was Leading Ladies. This meant the subthemes were, in order, Betsy Ross, Sacagawea, Julia Child, Jackie Kennedy, Susan B. Anthony, Ella Fitzgerald, Audrey Hepburn, and Amelia Earhart. I find this slightly amusing. In any event, was pleasant. I began at last JS&MN, and ate blueberries, and mainly disagreed with the judges.

Mum and Waen are making fish bread of squee, and I am wasting my life on DF. *g* Eventually I shall wander into the kitchen and watch them. Life is gentle and good. At some point I really will talk about Howl's Moving Castle and work. No, really!

"What'll I Do? What'll I Do When I See the Two of You...?"

I've turned into something I always thought I had too much pride to be. And I hate myself. I hate myself much more than I ever did before and I'm so scared because I think I'm going to hate myself all my life.

I have no idea what's wrong with me. I used to be able to do this. It used to work. I wasn't always happy, but I was losing weight and I was even proud of myself for a little while, remember that? But not any more. Now I'm just unhappy and fat. And that is such an ugly sentence that I feel crawly just typing it, but it's true. I think it even embarrasses Waen now, and that makes me so ashamed. A moment ago I was sitting on my hands because I wanted so badly to hurt myself and scratch at my face and do something. I've taken away all my jewellery to punish myself, and won't be allowed to wear it until I've begun to lose weight again. I'm going to take away my dresses, too, if this goes on, and just wear trousers.

I just. So much hate.

And I can't even write any longer. I used to have that. Now I'm completely useless. I can't stand my writing any longer, and I hate it. I notice everything that's wrong, and I don't know how to fix it and there's just nothing I have any longer, because I don't want to write any more. Again. I will put everything into becoming a surgeon, because that is all I am going to be able to do.

I don't know what to do any longer. I do not think I will ever be beautiful.

"Well, Take My Hand We're Gonna Howl..."

*flails a little* The most impossibly beautiful, blue-lightning thunderstorm is going on outside just now.

...Thank heavens. The corn crop was about to fail.

Luisa is right. This song is hot. Er. Yes. Very hot.

And I am tired.