"I'm the Last, I'm the Last, I'm the Last..."

[psalm_onethirtyone]

Last night I did not get online because I was frustrated and depressed. I have writer's block, I was wet, Mum was furious with me, and I needed to treadmill. I went to bed at nine o'clock. If you know me at all well, you will realise that me going to bed at nine is like Joon eating raisins in her tapioca.

Also, the apocalypse.

This morning I got up, found that Mum was still angry with me, treadmilled, took a shower, read the Sunday comics over my favourite rabbit food cereal, and then went out and played in the snow with Waen.

We came back in after writing 'Aliens Take George Bush' and 'Love. Kindness. Peace. Hope' and drawing peace symbols in the snow, and sliding on the ice. We made popcorn, hot cocoa with peppermint, cinnamon, nutmeg and allspice for her, ramen noodle soup broth with no noodles for me, and watching James Bond.

I am dressed all in pink and red.

Mum is still angry, but she's out riding with Waen now. I have the advice columns with me. I have saved points so that I can have a candy cane for dessert to-night, since I obviously can't eat the chocolate-rum creme brulee.

My happiness is a very precarious thing, because of Mum and the writer's block, which still exists. I am working very hard on being okay.

I took away my earrings and my bracelet again last night for having a hysterical fit, because I am trying to discipline myself. I will not be giving them back until Wednesday, soonest.

Right now I am all right. I wish that I could also be writing and that Mum was not angry, but obviously this is asking a little too much.

Now I am going to go read my paper.

Thank you, brain. With any luck you were reading this post as I typed it and have decided to obey it. The end.

Comments

[snowyofthenight.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Soouuujiiiin. When you're sad you oughtn't punish yourself... you should try and make yourself happy. 'tisn't fair. Someone as sweet and lovely as you deserves to be happy always.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

No, no. When I'm mean to my family and sulk at myself, I need to discipline myself in order to stop. I can't be happy always, but that's no reason to make everyone else unhappy. Hence the jewellery going until I can learn to behave.

[mhari.livejournal.com]

*clings onto a Soujin*

Be nice to you.

[allyness.livejournal.com]

I agree with that.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

*shakes head* See above.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

When I deserve it, I will. *hugs*

[mhari.livejournal.com]

*pokes!*

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

?

[kateorman.livejournal.com]

Stop punishing yourself all the time.

Also, you didn't happen to take a photo of "aliens take George Bush", did you? :-)

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

When parents have a bad-mannered child, they (hopefully) don't allow that behaviour to continue. Spankings, time-out, grounding, whatever. My parents think I'm too old for such things to be done by them, so I'm taking matters into my own hands. The whiny bitch who's all wrapt up in herself looses her pretties privileges.

Wish I had. ^_^; Sorry. I can check to-morrow and see whether it's still there.