"Wasn't He Your Lover Just Yesterday...?"

[psalm_onethirtyone]

*flaiiiiiiil*

Me. Bad day. But not really. But--not good, ne? But but but.

I have got a dancing class now. Oh, God, it's--I've never danced before, not anything real, not anything that's not just me twirling on my feet to make people laugh or to make my people happy, but--Oh, it was wonderful. It was like nothing else.

And I can dance two reels now, very simple ones, but oh! And I shall practise all the footwork at home, I shall, every day, even just a little, but oh, oh, oh, it was wonderful, and quick and beautiful and so amazing, and I forgot everything, I forgot that I'm fat and I hate myself and I don't ever want people to see me, I was dancing--and my partners were so good to me, and helped me get my feet, for I'm not very good at the footwork, not just yet, but the music was wonderful and I didn't even mind that there were mirrors everywhere, it was all just the dancing.

OhGod.

And it's only twenty dollars to pay for eight weeks, so I can do it all on my own, it can be all mine, it'll be like buying my own books--

I can't even type properly, I'm just so happy, and I wasn't before, you understand? I wasn't happy before, I was tired, and sick of myself, so completely sick of myself and I hardly got out of the house on time and I was afraid it would be like every single disaster I've been trying to forget and it's not.

Oh, I shall disillusion myself so badly some day, because when something's good I think it's marvellous, and probably I shall be so disappointed because this won't be perfect, I just think it's perfect, but I do think it's perfect I can't think oh. One of the ladies said I must have danced before, because I have a certain grace that must have come from dancing, and I haven't, I've never danced before, just fencing, and this is all wrong for fencing, you do everything the way you shouldn't in fencing.

I could have danced it for-ever. My feet ache and I was so hot and tired by the end but I could have gone on dancing for-ever. I can't believe I'll miss next week's class, but I'll come back, I will, the week after, and I'll never miss a class, I won't mind that I won't have a free Monday, I'll be glad to be so busy and I'll make myself belong in that room full of mirrors and I'll be so happy.

Ohhhhhhhh!

I feel so good finally. It's been so long since I ever felt good like this.

Comments

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

*shakeshake*

[mhari.livejournal.com]

:~(

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

*apologises*