"To-day Still Can Change..."

[psalm_onethirtyone]

Hello! ^____^

Soujin has iconspace and needs icons, so she is going to make requests, because she is a WHORE.

... :D

If anybody could make me icons from Maria Cramer's artwork, here, that would be so wonderful. ^___^ I love her; I already have a lot of icons from her art.

Also! Soujin is always in need of Hamlet icons. ...Miss Kylee? ^_^ But, no, if anybody has time and doesn't mind wasting it on me, it would be really, really wonderful.

To-day I called off work, stayed home, and cleaned. I feel wonderful. I suppose Mum was right.

Comments

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

THE FUNNY, SHE EES DED.

[silverdragon262.livejournal.com]

THEN THE FUNNY CAN'T BE A PIRATE.

... that made even less sense than usual.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

You are so not answering comments properly. Hmph.

...we us. we're the opposit of sense.

Oh, Zara. Why am I going to be up until one working on an assignment I don't want to write for a book club I hate when I've already taken my sleep meds so I'm half-unconscious and I hate the book, too, and all I really want to do is sleep for-ever for-ever for-ever so tired and tired of this--?--

...answer: procrastination.

[silverdragon262.livejournal.com]

...How am I not?

What book, darling? Why don't you just skip book club tomorrow?

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

I meant to type promptly. I told you the sleep meds were kicking in. *curls up in a ball*

It's called Go and Come Back. I hate it. And--I can't, I can't, I'm doing it for Waen. She doesn't like to go alone. And I have to do my assignment.

[silverdragon262.livejournal.com]

*blink* Well, I'm not getting comment notifications from you.

;_______; Just seems like you shouldn't hurt yourself over something that doesn't actually matter-- I mean, it should be fun, and if it's not...

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Oh. *wibbles* I'm sorry.

I'm not really hurting myself, I'm just tiring myself. I should have started the assignment last week, I really should have--and it was never fun. The only reason I do it is for Waen; I've actually left twice before, been convinced to rejoin by her each time.

[silverdragon262.livejournal.com]

*snugs* I got this one.

That counts. You don't think it does, but that counts. Believe me. --;_____; I it gets too late, you're going to bed anyway. *poke*

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Good...!

Doesn't count. Can you believe how selfish I was already, to take off work to-day? I feel like such a horrible person. -- And. oh. no. I've got to finish. At least I finally got started; but it doesn't make any sense, I'm afraid, it's a bit of a mess.

[silverdragon262.livejournal.com]

*curls up on*

It counts. Making yourself tired is hurting yourself, as is burning yourself out. Everyone needs a mental health week day now and then. --How long does it have to be?

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

*clings to quietly*

I can't. ;_______________; I have too many things to do. I'm going to be away from home to-morrow all day, I've got so much to do-- --it's not length so much as coherence and relevance? It's actually a kind of fanfiction for the book. but my idea of a good fanfiction would be THE RIVER FLOODS AND ALL THE CHARACTERS DIE ;_________________;, so--

[silverdragon262.livejournal.com]

You're mom's right, I think, you pull yourself in too many directions at once sometimes. But ah well. I'm just being stupid. I know what it's like to be so tired you don't even realise it's not normal, and I don't want-- --...Dare you to. ...I mean.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Oh-- no, you're not, you're never stupid, you know. I just rather brain-numb by now. and I won't--I won't, for you of all people, promise. -- ...Maybe I should start it out like that and then go haha just kidding here's the real story.

[silverdragon262.livejournal.com]

Always stupid, yup, but at least it comes from concern this time? XD --Actually, I only think you should because I once read a really horrible ethnographytext set in Taiwan which ended by saying 'AND THEN THE VILLAGE FLOODED. KTHXBAI.'

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

akfsjlkfjsldkf LIES, MISS ZARA. ...wait. -- Oh. That's--....i hope it was this village... >_

[silverdragon262.livejournal.com]

...you don't get to accuse me of lying... -- ...XDDD

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

I CAN IF I WANT TO...! -- ...>_> right. still plugging.

[silverdragon262.livejournal.com]

LIES. -- I vote for floods.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

LIES. -- Here's the story: hate hate hate.

~

everything is for the present. the present is what is, what's now, what's happening, and with the present you don't have to regret anything because it happened or it didn't and that's what happened.

there's a little nawa baby in her arms that she rocks, there's a little bird in a tree somewhere and it makes a noise. she lives in the middle of a somewhere that is nowhere, and there are no words for war because everything being for the present you grow, you eat, you build, you make. things are born.

little nawa things, sometimes. sometimes things are born that are small and nawa.

sometimes they die, and sometimes they don't. there is no word for smother, infanticide, we wouldn't leave the child out on the stones like a spartan baby who knows what happens out there what does the baby die first from?

we don't know how to use the subjunctive and we don't know where prepositions go and all our infinitives are split down the middle. we can build houses on riverbank sand, and trade for beads, and we know when there's liquor you drink it before something happens, you drink it and smile, you drink it and laugh and are drunk, which is how the present spins.

her little nawa baby cries and she rocks it, its flat face, its pierced ears, its black eyes like shiny round river stones in the riverbank sand. babies are born all the time, and they often die. so does everything; everything dies in the present, whether it is old or young or very beautiful. we know about dying the way we know about living, and the way we know how to match our lives to the missionaries and the things brought down the river so that we have a perfect mix of halfway things for our present.

we name one baby cami and one baby christina, and the missionaries smile and give us cracker tins that we use to keep the water we dip out of the river with our hands.

many things in our present world are nawa. nawa is a good word, a good word we can use all the time because it means so much and fits so many. it's like the water that fits perfectly on everyone, or the sand that makes a suit of brown-white that covers all of you in exactly your size. nawa babies and nawa missionaries and you're a nawa when you won't give me what you have (which is a lie because in our present we give, we take) or you take a fall you should have known was there (i will laugh at you, because you would have laughed at me too) or you say something we both know is silly (nawa, nawa girl, silly, nawa boy). some of our words are not real words, just as sometimes the missionaries say things that don't mean anything.

she rocks her little nawa baby, and the bird sings, a little bird in a somewhere tree.

it doesn't matter whether the baby lives or dies. in the present, it is alive. in the present, they're alive, and it has a beautiful flat face and tiny ears like pink shells pierced with little coloured stones. the baby is alive, and she is alive, and she is rocking the baby, to make it stop crying, and it does.

we live her in the everything present, where everything is for, is of, is all the present. we make our canoes and we trade with the people who come down the river and we live unless we die.

the rest of the world is not real, because it is not real. we have never seen it. we know you can touch leaves her, and hear little birds when they sing, and that is everything. and everything is the present. and we live in the present.

she rocks, and her nawa baby sleeps.

[silverdragon262.livejournal.com]

It's pretty, hate or no hate.

But there's no flood. --I mean. (Why do you have to write fanfic anyway?)

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

...

she rocks, and her nawa baby sleeps.

BUT THEN THE FLOOD COMES, AND THE FLOOD SWEEPS BOTH OF THEM AWAY. THINGS LIVE, AND THINGS DIE, AND THEY DIE. IT IS SLOW AND PAINFUL.

then end.

... (because that's my assignment?)

[silverdragon262.livejournal.com]

^______________^!!! Now it's perfect.

... (No, but I mean-- ...i meant something but now I'm confused.)

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Oh, good. ^_^ Does that mean I can go to sleep...?

...(..oh. I mean--I don't know. What did you mean?)

[silverdragon262.livejournal.com]

Yes...?

... (...That it's a silly assignment, I think.)

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

--good-night iloveyou please sleep well i'll see you late to-morrow most especially i love you.

... (...............it ais. i can't type any more. my hands are toooooooooo heanvy for the keys. this is ao so lot much more difficult thn it has to be. i'm sorry. um........rrrrrrrrrrrrrr ajugh wheres backsapce good-night----