"Bella Luna, Bella Baby Girl..."

[psalm_onethirtyone]

When we were little and we went to the grocery store, I remember our favourite thing was when the grocery ladies would put a big orange paid sticker on the things that were too big to go into our bags, so that people would know we paid for them. We always asked them to stick paid stickers on our foreheads. I remember we loved that.

My body--

has wonderful feet. I've always loved my feet. I can see my veins and I like the way my toes are shaped wrong, and I like the new empty places where the toenails used to be. I like my ankles, and the bones that stick out. I like my calves. They make me proud. They're strong and rounded from walking so much.

I like to tell myself sometimes, when I'm really feeling bad, that my hips are big and sturdy and someday, when I have a baby, I'll be glad. I have a good body for having children, and I want children someday. There's a wonderful curve in my belly--it goes out and then dips back for just a moment and then goes out again for my abdomen. I like to tell myself that a long time ago people would have wanted to paint me.

My fat, which is not bad, keeps me warm in the winter. It means that now I'm not always too cold. It keeps me from bruising. I read a story once about a man who was so thin he couldn't sit down without a pillow under him, or he'd bruise all over. I don't do that. I have a soft pillow with me already to sit on, and it makes it easy to curl up in chairs. When you hug me, I'm big enough to make a warm lump in your arms.

I know I don't like my thighs very much, but really? If I ever got caught by cannibals, they would really, really enjoy my thighs. And my legs are thick, and they hold me up really well. When I skoosh my fingers over my knees, I can feel all the knobby bits. I like the way they feel.

My waist is soft and round, and even though I'm never going to be the lady I read about once whose husband could put both hands together and they'd go all around her waist and he could lift her up into the air, I won't mind because--well, I just won't mind. My breasts are bigger than maybe they should be, but when I have a baby (I keep saying that), it will be easy for my baby to sit on my squishy, warm lap and drink from me. And Botticelli would love me, anyway.

I love my neck and shoulders; they're pretty and funny. They have freckles on them.

I like my forearms. They look good in long sleeves. I even like my upper arms, on good days, and that's good enough. They look pretty in sleeveless dresses. They were made for wearing gingham, and I do, for them. I love my wrists, and the way I can see the blue veins underneath the skin when I turn them over. I like the knobs that stick out from the sides. I like my fingers, which are not particularly long or short. They're functional. They do what I need them to do, and they usually do it really well. They're shaky and fluttery, but they have tiny pink bitten nails and pretty fingerprints. I have lots of wonderful lines on my palms.

I like my face. My face is round and smoother than it should be, maybe, but I have a nose that I genuinely adore (and which currently has a big scrape on it). I like my eyes. Mum says my eyelashes are really long, and really curly--I don't notice that, but I bet it's pretty. I like my ears. I like my mouth. It's not too pale or too dark. It looks soft. We figure I have rosacea (did I spell it right?) on my face, but it just makes my cheeks very pink. I don't mind. I like my hair. It's long and curly and soft and tangled almost all the time. I like my forehead with the teeny white scar. I like my glasses.

I like this body. Big is always what people want in growing things, and I'm a growing thing off a farm. If I were a long-necked squash, I'd be wonderful. I've got a smaller upper body and then go round and soft further down. I don't think pear is the right word, not any more, because it'd been used negatively so long it's not what I want. Eggplant is what I want. They're purple, anyway, and purple's my favourite colour. I'd make a perfect eggplant.

I'm just the right size to fit in a car seat, or a computer chair, or a seat in a ride at the fair. I'm just the right size for my bed. I'm the right size to sleep on Zara's floor. I'm the right size to curl up on the couch.

My body is smooth and interesting and has different shapes everywhere. It's good for hugging, it's strong enough for hiking, it's good to sleep with, it's able to do all sorts of ridiculous things. It's been to Iceland and England and Wales and France and Texas. It's got birthmarks and freckles and a scar on my back where I had a cancerous thingymabob taken out. I can still feel the hole. My body's small and sturdy and good.

I love my body. I love me. I know I do.

Comments

[erinpuff]

Best post ever. ^_________^ I'm so, so glad. I love you.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

I love you. ♥

[mhari.livejournal.com]

Yes.

*snuggles*

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

*lovesonto*

[gileonnen.livejournal.com]

*hugs you so, so tightly* All of that's exactly how I see you, lady--and how I hope you'll always be able to see yourself. As something that fits exactly with the world around it and with what it's supposed to be, and something that makes others' lives better just by being the way that it is. *hugs again*

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

The last bit of that I'm still working on believing. ^_^ But thank you.

[mhari.livejournal.com]

Also? I read a story once about a man who was so thin he couldn't sit down without a pillow under him, or he'd bruise all over.

They weren't kidding. *eyes own bony butt* Padding is v. useful. So yes.

*lovelovesyou*

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Really? *eeps* That's--that would be really, really annoying. You poor thing. *clings*

[illgotten.livejournal.com]

I like to tell myself that a long time ago people would have wanted to paint me.

Not that long ago, either. <3

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Don't tell me you're going to get out your oils and canvas, sir. *loveonto on tippy-toes*

[silverdragon262.livejournal.com]

My wonderful eggplant. ♥

Aubergine. Perhaps French is romantic and ideal. One is not pear-shaped, no, one is aubergine.

This is perfect.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

May I, may I be your eggplant?

Oh, yes! That sounds much better, it really does. Pears are wonderful fruits, especially when they're not actually ripe, but as a description they just sound--undesirable. Aubergine is better.

You are wonderful.

[bewareofitalics]

*applauds* That was beautiful, and so are you. *snuggles* Love you.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

*lovesback* Thank you.

[blindmadness.livejournal.com]

You're amazing. ♥ I love you.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

I adore you? ^_^

[theatre-angel.livejournal.com]

You are beautiful, you know, in every accepted sense of the word.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

And in some non-accepted senses? :D

♥

[lokogato.livejournal.com]

I love you, and I love the fact that you mention that you're huggable. Because your photos? Make me want to cling on and never let go. You look like a v. v. good person for soft and comforting hugs. And you sound like one. And you act like one. And now I want Soujin!hugs. ♥

*glomps and hugs with glee*

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Come to see meeee! Harrisburg is a cultural centre! I am not lying through my teeth when I say that! I want to see you and hug you. <33333333

*loves, loves, loves*

[whyless.livejournal.com]

Soujin, you are so adorable and lovable there are no words.

There's this one photo you posted a while back, of chalk and grass and your toes, and --

well, the point is, I love you. :D

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

The most important thing is--you know you're (just as?) adorable and lovable? You are. You are really wonderful. <3 You know, right?

I should make you a chalk picture! ^_^

I love you.

[meteorspark.livejournal.com]

You are an amazing and wonderful person inside and out, Miss Soujin, and I couldn't be happier to see you acknowledging that.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much. I love you.

[tomecatti.livejournal.com]

... I want a girl with forearms that look good in sweaters, and upper arms that look good in sleeveless dresses. And i was thoroughly charmed by the image you conjured of your tummy and waist. ^^;;;

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

*goes pink and hides* Thank you. ^_^

[jiasachan.livejournal.com]

This is so utterly lovely. ♥ And you are, too.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

*loves, loves, loves*

[josiana.livejournal.com]

I like to tell myself that a long time ago people would have wanted to paint me.
Actually, they probably still would. You'd be pretty as Artemis. :D

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Would I really? Artemis? #^_^#...!

[anima-mecanique.livejournal.com]

I hope you never forget that you love yourself and that you're beautiful.

(P.S., that lady whose husband could fit his hands around her waist? Only possible because her ribcage was malformed from years of constant tightlacing with corsets. I guarantee it :D)

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

I can't promise to be infallible, but I will try.

(*giggles* shhhhh, you.)

[karla-yonit.livejournal.com]

♥ Love you. You are beautiful and I'm so glad you wrote this about yourself. ^____^

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

♥

[little-lady-d.livejournal.com]

you're a work of art, my lady-love -- you are beauty, and you're made for things that are beautiful -- you fit, and one day i want you to fit right in my arms. it's high time you realized that.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

I'm made for things that are beautiful--? I knew it, then. I knew it I was meant for you. ♥ I love you, I love you.

[nowgoesquickly.livejournal.com]

I don't comment very often, but I always read, and this is my favorite post. You are a wonderful, beautiful, purple eggplant-person. :) :) :)

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Thank you so, so much. ^____^

[tiamatschild.livejournal.com]

*huuuuuugs*

:D :D :D :D

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

*loves*

[silverdragon262.livejournal.com]

He says no, thanks, a amssage will be just fine.

[silverdragon262.livejournal.com]

...dear LJ,

I give up.