"And You Complete the Heart of Me..."

[psalm_onethirtyone]

Happy Maundy Thursday. ♥

We came to church in the light. We ate lamb and bread and drank wine, and then we sang and lit hundreds of candles (it felt like thousands), and we prayed; and we washed each other's feet on the stone floor of the church, mama washed my feet, and I washed feet, everybody's are different; I washed Waen's. We sang some more, we ate bread and wine, and we stripped everything off the altar and put black veils over the crosses, and took down the crucifixes. We lit candles for mama's friend Susan, who's in the hospital with pneumonia because she's so weak after her chemo. We prayed and the candles burned down in the sand, and we blew out the candles all around the church, we blew out the little ones and the Lord's Candle, and left the Pascal Candle burning. We went home in the dark.

I wanted to cry and I couldn't, but the wax that dripped off the candles looked like tears running down, and I pretended that they were crying for me because I couldn't. This Easter Sunday, this is the day Grandma died; I only cried a little bit for her when it happened, and felt like the worst person in the world, but that's eased now. I let the candles grieve for me and for everyone in the world who hurts, and I prayed that we would all be warm enough.

Amen.

Comments

[erinpuff]

This is a beautiful post. <3 Thank you.

I couldn't go to church today because I wasn't home in time. :(

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Thank you. ♥

Ohhh, I'm so sorry...! Will you got to Good Friday service?

[erinpuff]

We don't have one. I'd go if we did, though!

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Awwww, that's too bad. Will you be home for Easter, though?

[erinpuff]

I'm going to church and then we're going to my grandmother's house in Maryland. :)

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Yay! ^____^

[prouvairesylvie.livejournal.com]

Wow, you write so beautifully, and I'm sorry about your grandma. *hugs*

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

♥ It's better now. We can all talk about her and remember her without it hurting. I do need to remember to light her a candle on Sunday, though.

[theatre-angel.livejournal.com]

Every time I start to lose faith in Christianity, I'm going to come back and read this.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

♥-- Luisa.

[silverdragon262.livejournal.com]

There's more to grief than tears.

[tomecatti.livejournal.com]

That's what i wanted to say but couldn't figure out how.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

♥

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

I know, but sometimes I feel like such a failure for not having them.

[silverdragon262.livejournal.com]

No more shame in not having than in having, and I can't imagine you'd ever shame someone for tears.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

No. You're right, of course.

[silverdragon262.livejournal.com]

Why do you light candles? In memory of...?

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

It depends on what they're for--the candles around the church were for Jesus, and the bowl of candles by the altar were part of our prayer vigil for Susan. But it depends.

[silverdragon262.livejournal.com]

I was just wondering-- because I don't know.

It sounds pretty.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

No, of course! I know! We don't always have candles all that often. Usually just the Lord's candle and Jesus' candle.

It was beautiful.