Hmm--do something to narrow down 'autumn firelight as it once was' and 'his red fallen feathers,' personally. They're good images, but if you devote too many words to them, you risk bathos.
Then again, I might be the only person reading who feels this way, so certainly take the advice with a grain of salt!
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Date: 2007-08-20 01:52 am (UTC)Then again, I might be the only person reading who feels this way, so certainly take the advice with a grain of salt!