"All the Brightness that Burns Me..."

[psalm_onethirtyone]

In my five-hour shift, only one customer yelled at me. I think that's pretty good, isn't it?

Also, I gave directions to a lovely English couple from Manchester who were exploring the area. ^_^ I showed them how to work the touch-screen food-order things, and gave them directions to a motel in New Buffalo.

"But make you sure go to the Red Carpet, and not the Stardust," I said. "The Stardust is sort of a motel for couples."

"We're a couple!" the wife said.

"Liaison couples," I said. "I didn't think you were a liaison couple."

She laughed and said thank-you.

I am, however, not feeling very good. Sort of--an unfulfilled feeling? Tired and as though I'm not doing as well as I could be; also, I haven't been the gym in half a week and I am having horrible body feelings. But also a sort of loneliness. It's very complicated, I don't know how to explain. I wish there were somebody to sleep next to me at night. Not for sex, not like that, but somebody near me, another body beside mine.

I feel very empty, and a little lost, and something as though I were missing something I should have, really need to have. And I feel like I'm losing my hand-holds, and my friends. There's a little jealousy mixed in; there's a lot of tired, and some sad. I would like something stable, but I don't have it.

I really don't understand.

Comments

[erinpuff]

Eee, English people! :D And I think I remember being told about the Stardust when I visited you, lol.

*hugs* I've been feeling a bit lonely too. As much as I like having my own room, I miss Jen an awful lot. :-\

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Adorable English people! Who kept going 'omg' over the touch-screen. XD And I bet you did. Did you get told the wedding story? I think so.

*loves* Ohhh, you don't have Jen any more? Oh, that would be so weird, I bet.

[erinpuff]

She graaaaduated and is now in big scary New York City studying music technology. *sigh* This is what happens when you make friends with people who are older than you.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Oh, my goodness, that's so weird to think. Ohh. ;___; Well, I'm sorry! I wish you had a good roommate to keep you company.

[theatre-angel.livejournal.com]

I'm sixteen years old and I still go up to my mother's room and sleep next to her whenever I have nightmares. You're fabulous in so many ways that I don't even know where to begin. ♥

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

I love you so much. ♥ When I'm feeling sad I sometimes sleep with Mama, but she has a hard time sleeping and I don't like to wake her up.

[gileonnen.livejournal.com]

Only one yelling customer sounds like a pretty good percentage. ^_____^

*snuggles* If it helps the body issue at all? There is a freshman on the first floor, and when I first saw her, I thought, 'She is really, truly gorgeous.' Then I looked again and thought, 'Wow, she looks exactly like Soujin--!'

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

That's what I thought! Considering that I probably served about a hundred people.

*eeeebles*

[mhari.livejournal.com]

*hugs a very lot and pets your hair*

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

♥

[josiana.livejournal.com]

Aw. :( I'm sorry for your horrible body feelings and your loneliness. I hope they get resolved soon.

*hugs*

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Thank you. <33 You are a doll. *loveson*

[josiana.livejournal.com]

Thank you. ;-; I'm sorry I'm not terribly helpful. *&hearts*

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Psssh. Being thought of is always warmth-making.

[josiana.livejournal.com]

I'm glad. ^__^

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

♥

[jiasachan.livejournal.com]

I wish there were somebody to sleep next to me at night. Not for sex, not like that, but somebody near me, another body beside mine.

I don't think this is unusual. Humans crave non-sexual body contact, and I know I go crazy if I don't get it. *hugstight* Hope you feel better soon, dear.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

The problem is I don't get it hardly at all--usually once or twice a week from my Mama, and maybe three or four times a year from anybody else. My family isn't very huggy, and my friends all live far away.

[jiasachan.livejournal.com]

Eesh, that is not good. :/ Is your family uncomfortable with touch, or is it just not something they do without prompting?

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Maria is uncomfortable. Mama says it's swishy. ^^; She won't hold my hand or anything. And I just don't see Daddy much. Daddy likes hugging, but our paths very seldom cross. Actually, it's that way with all of us right now. With me working six days a week, and Mama four, and Daddy always at the other house, and Maria locks herself in her room--we just don't see each other much any more.

[jiasachan.livejournal.com]

Ahh. I don't know quite what you could do about that, then. I'm so used to being surrounded by huggy people. :( I'm sorry.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

It's okay. <33 It's not your fault. I just wish I were any good at making friends in real life, or that I had somebody living close by who'd hold me.

[nowgoesquickly.livejournal.com]

Silkscreen some Caravaggio onto a pillow, and take it to bed with you. It would be highly saturated and snuggly. And don't have bad body feelings. You just started a new job, right? You're working hard and don't have too much extra time. So, don't be down on yourself. You'll get to the gym soon, when you have the time. *squeezes*

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Oh, lord, I should do that. The Gawain painting. Then I would have a Gawain to sleep with me! And--thank you. That makes me feel a lot better, for whatever reason. *loveon*