"My Men Turn to Me for a Sign..."
Dec. 31st, 2007 10:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
psalm_onethirtyoneA few notes.
We got almost all the moving done to-day! Only I shall have to get a new boxspring, because it turns out mine is rotted through and was only holding up because of the crossboards underneath. Luckily we have a spare, so we won't need to buy another. To-night I sleep on a mattress on the floor; it and my gutted bureau and nightstand are the only pieces of furniture left in my room, except for the treadmill hulking evilly in one corner.
While I was going under my bureau to clean out all the things I'd shoved under there over the years, I threw away over two years' worth of eating disorder material I'd written for myself: everything from food journals to calorie counts for hundreds of different items in hundreds of different restaurants to little notes saying 'you're a fat fucking lazy bitch and if you tried harder you could do this'. There were notebooks full of my exercises, and notebooks that mentioned every time I 'indulged'--sometimes under the heading and date there are entries the entire text of which were 'one half a piece of hard candy' or 'some powdered sugar that was in the air and got in my mouth' or 'two chocolate chips'. And then more notes.
And I threw it all away. All of it.
Happy new year, everybody.
My Papa's Waltz
by Theodore Roethke
The whiskey on your breath
Could make a small boy dizzy;
But I held on like death:
Such dancing was not easy.
We romped until the pans
Slid from the kitchen shelf;
My mother's countenance
Could not unfrown itself.
The hand that held my wrist
Was battered on one knuckle;
At every step I missed
My right ear scraped a buckle.
You beat time on my head
With a palm caked hard by dirt,
Then waltzed me off to bed
Still clinging to your shirt.
We got almost all the moving done to-day! Only I shall have to get a new boxspring, because it turns out mine is rotted through and was only holding up because of the crossboards underneath. Luckily we have a spare, so we won't need to buy another. To-night I sleep on a mattress on the floor; it and my gutted bureau and nightstand are the only pieces of furniture left in my room, except for the treadmill hulking evilly in one corner.
While I was going under my bureau to clean out all the things I'd shoved under there over the years, I threw away over two years' worth of eating disorder material I'd written for myself: everything from food journals to calorie counts for hundreds of different items in hundreds of different restaurants to little notes saying 'you're a fat fucking lazy bitch and if you tried harder you could do this'. There were notebooks full of my exercises, and notebooks that mentioned every time I 'indulged'--sometimes under the heading and date there are entries the entire text of which were 'one half a piece of hard candy' or 'some powdered sugar that was in the air and got in my mouth' or 'two chocolate chips'. And then more notes.
And I threw it all away. All of it.
Happy new year, everybody.
My Papa's Waltz
by Theodore Roethke
The whiskey on your breath
Could make a small boy dizzy;
But I held on like death:
Such dancing was not easy.
We romped until the pans
Slid from the kitchen shelf;
My mother's countenance
Could not unfrown itself.
The hand that held my wrist
Was battered on one knuckle;
At every step I missed
My right ear scraped a buckle.
You beat time on my head
With a palm caked hard by dirt,
Then waltzed me off to bed
Still clinging to your shirt.
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(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-01 03:15 am (UTC)*high-fives*
(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-01 03:27 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-01 03:49 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-01 03:58 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-01 04:23 am (UTC)Happy 2008!
~*Kelsey*~
(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-01 04:25 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-01 04:25 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-01 04:25 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-01 06:06 am (UTC)...but mostly you.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-01 10:19 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-01 07:22 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-01 10:18 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-01 10:26 am (UTC)You are strong and wise and brave, and for those reasons, this year will be better than the last one. I hope you had a merry, merry Christmas, and a very happy New Year. Keep us all updated on your progress. *loves*
(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-01 10:30 am (UTC)Thank you so much.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-01 11:49 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-01 05:10 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-02 03:44 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-02 03:48 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-02 08:55 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-02 09:14 am (UTC)