"Take the Way Home That Leads Back to Sullivan Street...

[psalm_onethirtyone]

So. anima_mecanique. As our resident Latin expert, I would like to make a special request. Specifically, I am working on a really dorky project and I was wondering if you could beta-read it for me. >_> Would that be okay?

Went on a two-hour walk/horseback ride (meaning I was walking, Mama and Maria were riding) to-day. Have blisters on feeeeets. Paiiiiin.

With the shameless encouragement of mhari, I am posting this meme slightly edited:

1) Make a list of 15 characters and assign each character a number.

2) Without telling anyone who's on the list or the character's assigned number, get questions from your flist about what they'd like to know about them, i.e. "If 3 and 4 were trapped in a cave together with only a blanket and a toothpick, what would they do?"

3) WRITE CRACKFIC BASED ON THESE QUESTIONS. :D So, basically, you invent insane questions and I write you weird little fics based on them.

GO GO GO.

Comments

[gileonnen.livejournal.com]

12 and 3 are having a fight over 7--what do they each want of him/her?

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

"See, I just think she should stay here." He runs his hand through his hair, looking at her regretfully. "'Cause I can always use the help, and I think she'd do better, see--I mean she wouldn't have all these folks talkin' to her and mixin' her up. Just good steady work."

"Don't know what y're talking about." Zara stares back sullenly, her arms folded across her skinny chest.

Lynette, her eyes firmly on the ground, moves away from them. Tapeflash burns through her and her fingertips hum, like an electric shock. Like being grounded through. Ignore it, ignore it, it doesn't matter.

"Well, see--" He ruffles his hair again. "I mean, what do you need her for?"

"She builds things. She'll be a help. To Florian. Won't you?" sharply, turning to her.

Lynette winces. "Yes, sera. I promised I'd help ser Florian."

"Oh, shoot," says Percy, and then, with a sudden, unexpected, note of resolve to his voice, something almost Florian-like in its quiet certainness--this will be done-- "I guess you can find another builder somewhere else. That's about it."

[tinyammmy]

What does 4 love about 9?

and/or

What does 11 hate about 2?

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

"You're really extraordinarily sweet," he murmurs, looking up at her with a face that for all his knowing talk is boyishly open. As bright-spirited as her husband never was. Gwenhwyfach looks away: it seems impossible, it is impossible, but Mordred is dead, and she--is she worse than her sister?--is letting herself be wooed by a Frenchman.

"Sweet?" she says, not meeting his eyes. Young, trusting, loving, and she alone. It can't be right.

"--And wise." He lifts his young hands to her face, worn at fifty with sorrow, and she prays, prays, as she lets him kiss her, than Lancelot never said anything like this to Guenever.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

"You're so illogical! Use natural processes!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, for Christ's sake, lady--" He holds out his hands, placatingly, and she slaps them away. "I didn't realise it was illogic."

"You wouldn't! You wouldn't notice! You never notice anything, stupid blind cripple begging around, give give give give, feed me love me, like an animal with an atrophied brain!"

"Jesu."

"Stupid people stupid broken people acting on impulse. I hate you. I hate you!"

[mhari.livejournal.com]

9 falls in love with 15 while 15 is in drag. They get their Twelfth Night on.

5 has stolen something from 6, onoes!

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

"Well, okay, fuuuuuuuuuuuck."

"Goddammit, Jess, watch it," Mike snaps, looking around at the other people sitting around in the restaurant giving them dirty looks.

"Oh, yeah, right. Like you don't do that every time you get a chance. Listen, I really screwed up, okay. You need to help me."

"What now?"

"Okay, you know how I went as Sirius for Hallowe'en, right?"

"Right."

"And my costume was awesome."

"Yeah."

"Okay, it was apparently really realistic. Or maybe I'm just hot when I'm in drag. The point is--"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up, don't interrupt me. Okay, there's this really cute girl in my History class, okay? And, oh, my God, her costume was totally better than mine, even. She was a princess or something. She had this gown, right, like all the way to her feet, and her hair all done up, and this gorgeous necklace, but, I mean, the gown was like one of those renfaire type things--okay, so she looked awesome. And she kept hitting on me. Like, fuck, you know? She was totally flirting with me all night. And I kind of flirted back, because it was, you know, fun. And somebody spiked the Witches' Brew."

"Oh, Christ."

"Shut up! So--I think I told her where I'm staying. Because, see, one of her friends brought me a letter from her yesterday, and it's--oh, my God, Mike. Totally a love letter. With a bracelet. I mean--oh, my God. What am I gonna do? She totally has the hots for me, and I think she thinks I'm a guy!"

"I bet she doesn't."

"She totally does."

"So this is your big problem?"

"Yeah."

"Cry me a river, kid. Hey, excuse me, can we have the check?"

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

The doctor is the only white man in the crowd of dark-skinned people watched the ship lift off the ground. Simon rubs his eyes tiredly. It was touch-and-go for hours, the kind of surgery that used to elate him, fill him with energy, and now just makes him weary; but they saved the boy. Cut off his arm, yes, but saved him. He must have been the doctor's son, to judge by the hair--with only one white man in the community, it's hard to believe anybody else could father a boy with hair that light. Simon sighs and checks his supplies to see what's low. Then he pauses, and swears.

"Doctor?" Kaylee asks, making a worried face.

"The damned doctor stole my apligraf."

[elyse24601.livejournal.com]

7 and 3 have found a lost shoe and a tea strainer. What do they do?

9 tries to catch a falling star and fails spectacularly. Why?

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Lynette frowns thoughtfully and turns them over. "I think I can construct something, sera."

"Do it quick." Zara glares. "I want t'get off this damn island."

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Gwenhwyfach is still a good thirty yards off when the star disappears to earth, and she trips herself up as she tries to come to a halt, almost laughing, her breath coming in little gasps, her hair falling unbound around her shoulders. Mordred catches her by the hand.

"I wasn't close! My lord, thou didst keep me!"

He scoffs and kisses her hair, while the still night makes no effort to blow her wet, muddy skirts away from her. "And what needst thou a star when thou hast me? Swear to Christ, thou'rt the greediest woman ever I met."

[ren-aleria.livejournal.com]

10 finds 1 and 13 in a compromising position, but they have a perfectly good and innocent explanation about why they were found naked in the gazebo with those silk scarves...

8 betrayed 14's deepest, darkest secret...

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

His dark forehead furrows into a frown, his dark beard twitches with what might be anger and might be trying not to laugh at them. Kaylee squeaks and pulls a scarf over her breast quickly. "Oh, Captain!"

Rina is blushing too hard to speak, clinging to Kaylee's arm as tight as she can and nearly breathless from the effort.

"What in holy Shiva's name is this?" he asks, in his gruff voice.

"We were practicin'," Kaylee manages. "We were gettin' ready. Um. 'Cause there's this Old Earth festival and we thought it would be shiny to try and do it--"

Nemo rolls his eyes and heads back to the Nautilus, parked on the curve of the hill, all cylinders ready to fire.

Rina gasps. "We should get dressed."

"But we ain't finished practicin'!" She grabs another scarf and drapes it over her middle. "We gotta finish first."

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Harbert pales. "I didn't know, miss. I didn't know--"

And she stands there, her brown hands at her sides, her dark eyes silently accusing, as silent and never-still as the ocean on a wind-still day, never-still and accusing, and as he looks at her Harbert finds himself unable to speak, the words stopped up in his throat.

"No one knew," she says. "No one knew."

[josiana.livejournal.com]

Oh noes, your feet. D:

Hm. How would 8 rescue 14 from pirates?

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

"Excuse me, miss!" He leaped aboard as swift as a panther and as awkwardly as a chick walking about for the first time. The pirates stared, their rough unshaved jaws dropped, their evil glinting eyes wide. "Excuse me." Harbert Brown was not exactly an expert with the sword, particularly the curved, stuck-in-the-sash kind preferred by pirates, but he was pretty good at taking care of himself, thanks to one too many narrow escapes from hungry beasties, and he waved the sword about in a convincingly menacing fashion. "I demand that you let the lady go this instant!"

Jewel was not exactly a damsel in distress, and had been about six seconds away from grabbing a sword herself, and using it in a much more natural manner, but she let the issue drop and chose instead to edge towards the plank that was set up for her to walk. With any luck, she could jump off and swim to safety--the shore of Malaysia was less than a mile away.

She had been snatched as she went to board the ship with Marlow that would take her and Tamb' Itam to Stein, intercepted by a crowd of pirates who swooped down and stuffed her in their little ship's boat. Their goal had been rape and then infliction of a horrible death, but they had reckoned without Jewel's ability to defend herself--and the cunning hostage in the hold, who had worked himself free a few hours before.

When asked about it later, Pencroff would swear he had always known Harbert was capable of staging a coup and overwhelming sixty pirates with only a curved scimitar and a half-caste native girl. Harbert and Jewel, who had discovered they shared a naturalist streak wide enough for a ship to sail on, were unavailable for comment--they had joined Stein and were hunting butterflies in the depths of Burma.

They lived happily ever after.

[bewareofitalics]

OMG YOUR FEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!

*coughs*

2 wakes up and finds that s/he is invisible. What tricks does s/he play on 5 and 13? How is 6 involved?

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

"Oh, my head."

"You'd think they'd never been kissed before," Sagramore murmurs, rubbing his invisible beard. "I promise you, absolutely I did nothing untoward."

"Of course you didn't." Simon glances towards the door. "This is why the Captain never takes passengers. This is why. I knew it."

A moment later, Rina pokes her head around, her cheeks still pink from blushing. "Um--Medraut says he wants to be put down. Would it be all right if I asked Captain Reynolds?"

"You can try."

"No?" with a tiny, sweet grimace. "I guess he'll have to stay on. Who on earth kissed us?" blushing harder than ever at the word.

"Me," Sagramore says, cheerfully. Rina squeaks.

[little-lady-d.livejournal.com]

1-5 discover they have superpowers -- what superpowers do each of them have, and what will they do with them?

is 13 an arthurian? if not, what if he/she was?

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

"Well, I think it's shiny!" Kaylee grins at them, polishing up the buttons on her overalls. "I mean, ain't it? We all got something real special about us, and it's good for somethin'. I can't wait."

"For what?" surlily.

"Well--doin' things!"

"It's all very well," Courfeyrac says, sighing, "but, really, we haven't got powers so much as abilities. You, mademoiselle, fix things, and now you can fix anything--the gentleman is a doctor, and now a skilled healer. I do think it could have been done with more finesse--we could have received complements." Zara spits on the ground; he casts her a sympathetic glance, but moves further away. "The mam'selle might have gotten something better than the ability to sew up anything in the world."

Further reasonable complaint is, however, prevented, as Sagramore leans over and kisses him. "Helyes barat. But now you're the finest lover ever born."

Courfeyrac perks up. "Well, yes, there is that."

[tiamatschild.livejournal.com]

9 and 12 share a house. When they need a new housemate to meet the rent, of course they put out an advertisement and hold interviews! Of 2, 6, and 15, who would make the best house mate for them? Do they disagree? Are there Epic Arguments?

Aaaand... 4 joins the Peace Corps! Where does s/he go? Do hijinks ensue?

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

They sit side-by-side at the table and Gwenhwyfach casts him a glance. "Thinkst thou it will do?"

"Oh, sure. We're bound ta get somebody good. Ain't nobody who's all bad, anyhow."

---

She sighs and taps the table. "Sir, I pray thee--we cannot have thy friends in and out all the night and day."

"Well, I do try to moderate things a little."

"Yeah, but--" Percy scratches his chin uncomfortably. "Uh. I dunno 'bout Lady Gwenhwy, but I kinda--"

"It will not do," she says firmly.

"Lady, absolutely I will visit my friends at their own homes."

"O, they may come here. But we cannot have them in and out, all the time, and, know thou, there are some of us who sleep at night."

Sagramore rolls his eyes and grins. Percy turns red.

--

"No, no, she'll be perfectly quiet. She's like this most of the time," Simon assures them, as River sorts through his medical bag, laying out scalpels and forceps with the tips of her fingers, humming tunelessly. "She's a little confused. We're working through it."

--

"I totally love Gary Oldman. Seriously, I have like half a dozen posters to pin up. That's okay, right? I mean, if I stick stuff on the walls. I'll use tape or something, I won't use tacks. I know, they leave holes in the drywall. No problem. I love tape."

"Sure, that's okay!" Percy says. "Now, I got my plants just about everywhere, not in the spare room, though, so there's prob'ly gonna be bugs a bit."

"Oh, totally! I love bugs. They're so cute. Mike hates them, though. He always goes after spiders with newspaper, it's hilarious, except then he kills them, so I have to rescue them. No, bugs are great. Oh, my God, speaking of bugs? Did you see Sweeney Todd when it came out? Oh, that was gross! So fake, though, the blood was totally just paint. I mean, even I could tell. But the bugs were really gross, in the pies and stuff? I mean, eww. But Johnny Depp's pretty hot. He should change his accent once in a while, though. He was totally using the same one as in Pirates of the Caribbean, and it's like, hello, totally different character! Oops, sorry, I'm talking too much."

--

"The doctor," Gwenhwyfach says, afterwards.

Percy nods immediately. "Yeah. Definitely."

[mhari.livejournal.com]

5, 7, 9, and 11 locked in a room. go. :D

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Dear Simon,

Our first day at camp. School goes to camp. Sometimes we swim at the lake, because there are turtles in the water, and I like turtles, but they tear their homes apart and make them evacuate, half and half and the turtle is evicted. It hurts. Turtles don't cry. Tell Father that, because he thinks silence is aproval and the truth is we aren't equiped with tear ducts.

In my cabin there are three others, all homesick. They have numbers. Everybody has numbers, even me. I have no name. 9 is lonely and she wants to go outside, but we can't go outside because it's raining. How was the danse? We don't go dancing. 9 wants to dance but it's too small in here and we're supposed to sit still and color our pictures inside the lines, because coloring outside the lines is messy and bad and ugly and nobody wants to be ugly. I don't care if we go home. 9 keeps telling me I have prety hair, but that's because she's scared of herself. She came to camp because her husband doesn't love her any more she thinks. She cries becase she misses him but camp will make her feel better and then she won't care any more.

5 is crazy in his head on Sundays. Sundays are the yellow days. We don't do anything on yellow days, not even pictures. We sit here and pretind. I pretend to be you. You and 5 are the same but not but the same but not but not but not but 5 can cut things open just as nice as you can but gross. When he's crazy in his head we make 9 sing because she knows all the good camp songs. And 7 is last but 7 doesn't miss anybody because she doesn't have anybody at home waiting for her like you are waiting at home for me for someday. Someday. 7 draws superior stars but her genetic predisposition is for melanin deposits and when there's solar energy her skin cracks up and breaks apart and cries. I forgot all my Latin. We never use Latin.

If it doesn't stop raining they'll never let us out. I don't care. I don't care. I think the dance was boring, because they always are. The Danvilles have no taste and their eclares are always soggy, which as you know is a substantial failing in French cuisine of the patisserie variety oh Simon it won't stop raining raining raining 5 is not coloring inside the lines and he'll get in trouble. You know he will. We used to know him when he was young and he would do the same thing all the time until it broke.

7 is telling stories about boring again because her vocal function is broken and on loopback. Remember when we broke the recording and it played on loopback? Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.

My evicted shell is empty and on it's back. I am tired. I am going to go back to sleep as soon as I finish my picture. Give Mother and Father my love and tell them the Danvilles were better last year. I am sure they will laugh and think it is very droll. 7 is on loopback and 5 is coloring wrong and 9 won't stop making us all feel her scared by pushing it out into the room through her pores like evil sweat. She isn't fair. I am the only one here who is not crazy today. Have a good day and don't forget to feed my cat.

Love,
River

[tomecatti.livejournal.com]

4, 8, and 15 are in a plane crash on a deserted island. How do they deal with the polar bear charging at them?

(I know I'm a bit late, but I couldn't think of even this 'til just now XD)

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

"Oh, my god. Oh, my god. It's just like Lost. Ohhhh, shiiiiit, I wish I'd caught up. I'm so behind on it. Okay, what would Sawyer do? What would Sawyer do?"

"Miss?" Harbert pokes her shoulder, that being as far up as he can reach, approximately. "I've been nearly eaten before, it's not so bad. I do wish Mr. Smith were here, but I think we'll be all right with Pencroff's pistol. It's just a shame to kill it. I'd love to study it."

Courfeyrac shifts nervously on his feet. "I don't mean to be rude, but--it's possible to kill the thing now instead of talking?"

"Oh, right." Harbert turns back, fumbling with the pistol.

"Oh, I am so too young to die," Jess wails. "I never even got to meet David Thewlis. I never got to meet J.K. Rowling. I never French kissed my boyfriend. Mike's gonna kill me."

"Mam'selle, I swear, if Monsieur Brown saves us I'll make love to you afterwards."

Harbert turns red and chokes, losing his grip--in which instant Jess snatches the pistol out of his hands and fires at the bear. In the ensuing, smoke-flavoured silence, both men stare at her in wonder.

"Good shot!" Harbert says, finally, smiling.

Courfeyrac takes her by the shoulders and kisses her passionately.

[tinyammmy]

I totally want to do another one. If you want one. So.

8, 1, 12 and 4 have to put on a show to save the orphans! Poor orphans! Who directs, and what sort of show is it?

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

"Okay, well!" Percy runs both hands through his hair excitedly. "Okay! Um. What kinda play are we gonna do?"

"One with a princess," Kaylee says, "for sure, huh? I mean, it ain't a real play without a princess."

"A princess. Okay! Can we have a dragon, too? Can we?"

"Of course." Harbert is sitting at the table, scribbling furiously on a piece of paper. "Dragon... princess... What's the story?"

"Story?" Kaylee wrinkles her nose. "Huh."

"Sweeping romantic drama," Courfeyrac suggests happily. "Princess rescued by a commoner who's a finer fellow than any knight or lord in the land, and she renounces her worldly goods and becomes a farmer with him."

"Oooooooooo," says Percy.

"Oh, it is romantic! Can I--can the princess still wear a shiny dress, though?"

"Naturally. It's for children. But she gives the rest of her clothes to the poor."

"Sure, that's good!"

"Knight... farmer..." Harbert says, still scribbling. "Who'll make costumes?"

"Me." Courfeyrac.

"Sets?"

Percy's hand shoots up into the air and waves around furiously, and Kaylee says, "Me, too! I can help with anything needs helped with!"

"I'll direct. This is wonderful. We need a script. Is it all right if I write the script?"

--

it pretty much continues like this ad finitum. XD You picked the four people most likely to get together and have a big fluffy enthusiastic PARTY.

[snowyofthenight.livejournal.com]

I finally thought of one..! And it's lame, but. I felt like I should. XD So! How on earth did 6 and 13 end up making out?

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

"How did this happen?" Rina looks ashamed and takes a step away, but Simon, one hand to his forehead, catches her arm with the other. "No, no, no. My head! What happened?"

"It's Martin's," she says, shyly. "So everybody was celebrating, and--don't you remember?"

"No."

"Everybody was celebrating, but you were sad, so--I don't know why! But you were sad. And when I came to try to cheer you up, you kissed me, and I thought--"

"You don't even look like her," Simon snaps.

Rina's blue eyes darken miserably, and she tugs herself free and flees.