"The Fruit of the Poor Lemon is Impossible to Eat..."

[psalm_onethirtyone]

My father is many things. He is a brilliant man who went from being a poor farm kid to a Harvard Law School graduate; he is a hard worker and a good reader. He is also so passive-aggressive that it almost overshadows his guilt complex.

I don't even know what was going on with him to-day. Last week he invited me to go to lunch with him and his colleague and his colleague's daughter, who I really like, and to-day while we were in the car he turned to me and said, "I suppose I'm going to have to lend you money for lunch."

He invited me! And afasklklafjlas if he had implied beforehand that he wanted me to pay for it, I would have brought along money, but he didn't even say anything until we were on the way there. So yes, I did need to borrow money. And then once we got there he let me get to the checkout and then insisted on paying for it, so why he had to make me feel bad in the first place I don't even know.

When we got home, Mama flailed at him because he promised her he would find someone to feed the animals while we're away, only he hasn't done that since she asked, and there is very little time left. He wouldn't listen to her; he read the paper instead while she was talking to him. Finally she walked off to do it herself, and Daddy emerged from behind the paper to ask why she was so upset. I explained, and he made baffled noises and went back to reading. A few minutes later, he got up, made a very nasty remark to me, and left. This is the closest thing to a fight I have ever witnessed them having.

Also Maria is depressed and being horrible again, and I am having a day of repulsively bad body image. And my foot is considerably worse, such as that I cannot comfortably walk on it at all, so naturally fate fixed it that I would have to walk around Harrisburg to-day; and it's hot and nobody's happy, and I'm crying.

He's just been making me feel so stupid lately, and so lazy and pathetic, and then he gets mad at me for things I didn't mean to do, and right now I really want to be at school just to get away from him.

Comments

[mhari.livejournal.com]

AUGH MEN. *shakes him* Be nice to a Soujin!

*cuddles you* I am so sorry.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

I don't even know why he's doing it. *holdsto*

[bewareofitalics]

*clings and snuggles!* Perhaps he's trying to make it so you won't be homesick when you go? Er.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

:P BAH.

[nowgoesquickly.livejournal.com]

You're not stupid or lazy or pathetic. You're wonderful, and it sounds like your daddy is just being gruff and blustery for no good reason. Ignore it until he starts to behave himself better. ♥

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

*leanson* Thank you.

[theatre-angel.livejournal.com]

♥

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

♥

[tomecatti.livejournal.com]

Well, you're neither lazy, pathetic, nor stupid, so. He's probably just having a bad week or month or something. *huuug*

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

He's been doing this for a year. >_>

[tomecatti.livejournal.com]

*fails at information retention*

Um. Maybe he thinks it'll encourage you? Or he's just flat out not thinking?

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

I think he's stressed out and taking it out on everybody, really.