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psalm_onethirtyoneI am angry. I am really goddamn angry.
Because we live in a world that gets up every morning and says to women, "We've created a standard of beauty. If you don't conform to this standard of beauty, we will make you feel valueless and unlovable. And we will do it at the same time we assure you that it is the cultural norm to feel that you don't conform to this standard of beauty no matter what you do to achieve it." We live in a world that cheerfully fucks you up and tells you it's normal and acceptable.
We do not try to make women feel beautiful. We make them feel insufficient. Women are conditioned to need male validation of their beauty, because the women around you just tell you that you look fine out of "loyalty". And it's wrong to weigh anything, and if you don't, you still need to be thinner. And it doesn't matter how thin you are, you still need to dress right. And if you leave the house without makeup, that's obscene. Not dressing your hair is slovenly. Shave your legs. Pluck your eyebrows. If you don't have large breasts, you're not desirable, but if your breasts are too large, that's also unacceptable.
Maybe most women do not have actual clinical eating disorders, but God knows most of them have the eating disorder mentality. We think with eating disordered brains, because this society encourages that. Does anyone else read the comic strip Cathy? It is designed by this society. It is a perfect example of every single thing wrong with our collective mentality towards female beauty, because it basically validates that mentality as a "normal" one.
And that is just not acceptable. That is not acceptable.
Insurance companies will not pay for inpatient eating disorder treatment unless the woman is physically malnourished. I met a girl to-day who told me that when she went to see a therapist for self-esteem issues, the therapist told her she wouldn't have them if she just lost some weight. I met a girl across campus who was telling me how upset she was because she "broke a hundred". Pounds. This girl is a college student. One of my friends describes herself as "the whale girl". She is only a little bigger than I am. Her roommate, who is otherwise a perfectly nice person, believes that this girl could look better if she just "ate less junk". We don't even support each other to believe in our beauty as women. We don't look for current beauty, we insist that beauty is something we must achieve.
And that is a lie. It is a lie. We are beautiful here and now, in and of ourselves. We are beautiful as the people we are. There is nothing to be achieved. There is absolutely nothing to be attained. Our societal standard is shite, and no one can make me believe that's not true.
And at the same time, no one can make me believe that I'm beautiful. I've been working on this for five years, and I still can't force my brain to believe in myself as a worthy, lovable human being at my current weight. That is insane. That is, I'm sorry, evil, and I believe that it's evil because I know I am years away from being the only woman who feels this way. We have been being told this by the world for so long that it's ingrained, and we can't just make it go away. I can tell women as a whole that they are all beautiful, and not many of them are going to believe me, not truly.
We are so insanely beautiful. Teach that to your children. Tell it to the people around you. Make that the social standard. Beautiful, dammit. So beautiful. Weight loss should never be encouraged as a beauty measure, as a self-acceptance measure. Help all the women around you see themselves as beautiful people and accept themselves as they are. Don't make beauty a goal. Make the realisation of beauty the goal.
For God's sake. Because things are not okay the way they are.
Go and tell that.
Because we live in a world that gets up every morning and says to women, "We've created a standard of beauty. If you don't conform to this standard of beauty, we will make you feel valueless and unlovable. And we will do it at the same time we assure you that it is the cultural norm to feel that you don't conform to this standard of beauty no matter what you do to achieve it." We live in a world that cheerfully fucks you up and tells you it's normal and acceptable.
We do not try to make women feel beautiful. We make them feel insufficient. Women are conditioned to need male validation of their beauty, because the women around you just tell you that you look fine out of "loyalty". And it's wrong to weigh anything, and if you don't, you still need to be thinner. And it doesn't matter how thin you are, you still need to dress right. And if you leave the house without makeup, that's obscene. Not dressing your hair is slovenly. Shave your legs. Pluck your eyebrows. If you don't have large breasts, you're not desirable, but if your breasts are too large, that's also unacceptable.
Maybe most women do not have actual clinical eating disorders, but God knows most of them have the eating disorder mentality. We think with eating disordered brains, because this society encourages that. Does anyone else read the comic strip Cathy? It is designed by this society. It is a perfect example of every single thing wrong with our collective mentality towards female beauty, because it basically validates that mentality as a "normal" one.
And that is just not acceptable. That is not acceptable.
Insurance companies will not pay for inpatient eating disorder treatment unless the woman is physically malnourished. I met a girl to-day who told me that when she went to see a therapist for self-esteem issues, the therapist told her she wouldn't have them if she just lost some weight. I met a girl across campus who was telling me how upset she was because she "broke a hundred". Pounds. This girl is a college student. One of my friends describes herself as "the whale girl". She is only a little bigger than I am. Her roommate, who is otherwise a perfectly nice person, believes that this girl could look better if she just "ate less junk". We don't even support each other to believe in our beauty as women. We don't look for current beauty, we insist that beauty is something we must achieve.
And that is a lie. It is a lie. We are beautiful here and now, in and of ourselves. We are beautiful as the people we are. There is nothing to be achieved. There is absolutely nothing to be attained. Our societal standard is shite, and no one can make me believe that's not true.
And at the same time, no one can make me believe that I'm beautiful. I've been working on this for five years, and I still can't force my brain to believe in myself as a worthy, lovable human being at my current weight. That is insane. That is, I'm sorry, evil, and I believe that it's evil because I know I am years away from being the only woman who feels this way. We have been being told this by the world for so long that it's ingrained, and we can't just make it go away. I can tell women as a whole that they are all beautiful, and not many of them are going to believe me, not truly.
We are so insanely beautiful. Teach that to your children. Tell it to the people around you. Make that the social standard. Beautiful, dammit. So beautiful. Weight loss should never be encouraged as a beauty measure, as a self-acceptance measure. Help all the women around you see themselves as beautiful people and accept themselves as they are. Don't make beauty a goal. Make the realisation of beauty the goal.
For God's sake. Because things are not okay the way they are.
Go and tell that.
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(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-22 09:12 pm (UTC)One of my favorite bromides about women who don't "make the effort" to prettify themselves is that they must lack self-respect. They don't take pride in their appearances, which is why they skip the elaborate ritual of trowelling on makeup, styling their hair, squeezing themselves into tight, uncomfortable clothes, and wearing high heels. It can't possibly be that they are completely comfortable with their looks. They must hate themselves to presume to set foot outside without adorning themselves first.
It's such a backward way of thinking, and says so much about the values we place on beauty and femininity: If a woman isn't conspicuously, conventionally beautiful, she must have no inner sense of her own worth. Her character is irrelevant; it's what's external that counts most.
It's total bullshit. I'm glad that you see that. ♥
P.S. Cathy represents everything that is wrong with the way this culture perceives women.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-22 09:20 pm (UTC)OH GOD that makes me incoherent with rage. That. MY GOD. I have heard that one, and it just makes me incapable of seeing straight, because it is INSANE. Because if there are any women out there who are okay with themselves, we are going to BY GOD fix that and make them just as screwed up as everybody else!
p.s. I used to read it when I was really sick with my ED. It invariably made me worse.