"I am Exactly What I am..."

[psalm_onethirtyone]

Oh man, I am so unbelievably depressed right now. It's honestly been months since I felt this crushingly soullessly despairing. My whole insides feel like they got scooped out with one of those little metal half-moons you use to get the seeds out of pumpkins.

I've spent most of the last two days crying. Also, I really don't think I'm smart enough to be trying to do this whole pre-med thing. I think I need to suck it up and admit that I might not be as happy being, you know, an English teacher, but at least I'd be competent at it.

I really don't want to go to lab to-morrow. The boy who just joined our lap group calls me 'the crazy girl', and even Alice's being so awesome does not overcome the fact that he makes me feel like crawling under a rock and staying there for-ever. I am so glad there are only three weeks of lab left; it means I don't have to kill myself with a broken gel tray if I can just make it that long.

Maybe Alice and I will have other classes together in the spring. I should find out what her POE is.

In the meantime, I think I'd better go to bed, because I am just about completely out of cope for this week, and that's a pure fact.

Comments

[lokogato.livejournal.com]

'Demoiselle, I don't know if this helps, but, just. Whenever I read your posts about what you are studying, what you are learning, and what you aspire to do with that knowledge, I just hope that every doctor I ever see -- and every doctor that my mother sees, and she's seen many -- was like you in pre-med. Because you do love what you are learning, and you do love helping people. And you do love people, and that's the best and most you can hope to have from someone who is supposed to help you.

And even if you decide to become an English teacher, you'd be the best teacher ever.

And you inspire me.

Just so you know. I know I haven't been commenting a lot recently -- because I fail orz -- but I just wanted you to know. ♥