"Hello, Good-Night..."

[psalm_onethirtyone]

I was just thinking about this, because reconditarmonia posted about it in her LJ sort of, and.

Sexuality is really fluid, isn't it? And I was thinking about this, because I think it's fairly acknowledged that sexuality is fluid, and yet people seem to do a pretty bad job of looking at it that way, myself included. It's not binary, that we acknowledge: you aren't just gay or straight, there's gay and bi and pan and trans and intersex and bicurious and heteroromantic and asexual and just so many things out there, and when you are one of them it's a big part of your identity, I think (and before anybody says anything about how their sexuality is a big part of their identity, I don't mean expressed identity here). It definitely makes up its piece in who you are.

But it's changeable, not by force of will but by time and maturity and slow but solid things, the way you can't make yourself taller by wishing but someday you may get taller, or you may just as easily stay the same.

The funny thing is, I think we really tend to treat sexuality like a permanent thing, and, even more, like something that has to be diagnosed. Most people want to know what their sexuality is. I think that's probably because we exist in a culture so concerned with labels, with knowing who you are and where you fit in, what your place is--and that's not a negative concept, but I think it's a true one. And the deal, I think, is that sexuality does not need to be diagnosed. It's free-flowing and it's part of who you are, but if it's at all possible I think the best thing is really just to love who you love, whatever gender that person happens to be, whatever gender you happen to be.

Now obviously that won't happen because there are societal conventions to contend with, there's what we grow up with and what we learn. On the other hand, I really think I'm happiest when I'm not worrying about whether I like girls or boys better, when I just realise that I like someone and enjoy the fact that I do. Sexual desire and crushing and romance and all that jazz are just totally normal parts of being a human being, really of being an animal, and they're not there to confuse and threaten. Biologically they're there to propagate a species (and, as holyschist pointed out, to community-build), but from a less scientific point of view, they're there to enjoy. We're a species blessed with the capability to love and sex and do both or just one or neither or however we like best, and there's no reason to be disturbed by that.

So here's the deal: there are people here I like. Is it fun having crushes, unfulfilled or not? Yes, it totally is. Is it fun when I get to kiss someone I like who likes me? Yes! It's wonderful. Should I not kiss people I don't like? That seems fairly logical. Can I pine for someone I like who isn't interested in me? Go wild, little Soujin. Do I have to worry about the gender of any of these people, and what that gender implies for my own sexual proclivities?

Nnnnot really. There's no reason why I should treat any of my relationships differently on the basis of gender and how it pertains to my orientation. That doesn't mean I won't; and it definitely shouldn't be taken to mean that there might not be societal repercussions (although Juniata is pretty open-minded and I don't think there would be). But why should I feel the need to label myself when my orientation honestly may change completely in a year, or five, or however long?

Who I love is a big part of who I am. But it will be part of me no matter what I call myself. I have decided, for the now, not to worry about it.

(On a side note: sometimes having a name for it is actually very important, especially for people who are confused and need a name to put to a feeling. But for people who are in fairly supportive environments where people are not going to care what your orientation is really, it seems fair to yourself not to worry yourself over it. You are who you are.)

And on a vaguely related note: America Ferrara is HOT. I hope she never loses weight.

Comments

[holyschist.livejournal.com]

Sexuality is very fluid for a lot of people. And propagating a species can be quite indirect--sex has plenty of community-building purposes as well, which helps perpetuate the species in a less obvious way than baby-making. Personally, I think it's why humans have sex when we're not fertile.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

I like this comment--I completely neglected to mention that aspect of sex.