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psalm_onethirtyoneI feel really guilty because I'm not socialising with people online ... at all, frankly, and it's because I'm exhausted and stressed out (I sleep in my clothes now, okay, I'm too tired to bother getting undressed, that is pathetic). I don't sleep enough, I just barely scrape by at getting everything done, and, this makes me sad, I'm not currently enjoying any of my (six) classes. Except maybe religion. Which apparently doesn't bother some people, but for me it really ruins the whole experience.
I'm just. So. tired. I was crying last night at Dani, and just kept thinking, "My God, I am so tired I don't even want to be crying, the amount of energy this takes is absolutely exhausting," and that's terrible. Dr. Prince of Denmark wants to up my meds, he's actually thinking of doing that next week, which doesn't make me happy--I'm sure this is just some kind of weird personal mindtrick, but every time my dosage is upped I feel like I'm "bad" (just as when it goes down, I'm being "good"!) which is kind of nonlogical but nevertheless pretty much the way I feel about it.
I think I wouldn't even be so unhappy if I just got some sleep and had some time to myself to calm down? But I really don't see that opportunity arising, so I will continue to cry and panic and fail at existing ever, basically, is what I think is going to happen.
On a fun note, wind speed to-day is sixty mph. I am going to have FUN riding my bike around campus. >:D
I'm just. So. tired. I was crying last night at Dani, and just kept thinking, "My God, I am so tired I don't even want to be crying, the amount of energy this takes is absolutely exhausting," and that's terrible. Dr. Prince of Denmark wants to up my meds, he's actually thinking of doing that next week, which doesn't make me happy--I'm sure this is just some kind of weird personal mindtrick, but every time my dosage is upped I feel like I'm "bad" (just as when it goes down, I'm being "good"!) which is kind of nonlogical but nevertheless pretty much the way I feel about it.
I think I wouldn't even be so unhappy if I just got some sleep and had some time to myself to calm down? But I really don't see that opportunity arising, so I will continue to cry and panic and fail at existing ever, basically, is what I think is going to happen.
On a fun note, wind speed to-day is sixty mph. I am going to have FUN riding my bike around campus. >:D
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(no subject)
Date: 2009-02-12 04:02 pm (UTC)Oh, honey. :/ I do know how this feels. You just have to keep telling yourself that you have no control over how you feel, and if you need a higher dosage, it's because it will help you feel better. And it may not be permanent.
At one point, I was taking four times the recommended dosage of my meds (yes, by my doctor's advice) because I was going through an incredibly bad part of life. But as the stress lessened, they brought down my dose. It's not a punishment for not feeling well enough, hon, trust me - and if it helps you get through this stage, try to see it as a good thing.
It's like reaching for something on a high shelf; sometimes you can get it on your own, but sometimes, you need a step stool to boost you up.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-02-12 05:59 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-02-17 02:58 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-02-12 04:54 pm (UTC)Sleep this weekend? i know that when I'm hitting exhaustion and have lots to do, I wake up after a good sleep feeling able to do everything. (of course, then I play "a few minutes" of some computer game to make sure I'm awake, and that doesn't work too well.)
Don't feel too bad about not socializing with us for our sakes; we love you, but know you're busy. *huuugs*
*I mean, it's possible, easy, and not stupid to reach the conclusion, even if the conclusion's wrong.
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Date: 2009-02-12 05:59 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2009-02-12 06:00 pm (UTC)*cuddles you up*
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Date: 2009-02-12 07:02 pm (UTC)*sleeps on*
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Date: 2009-02-12 07:24 pm (UTC)Do naps work for you at all?
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Date: 2009-02-13 05:10 am (UTC)Lack of sleep does odd things. I say from experience that if you catch up on your sleep you will almost definitely feel better - if you need to cut a class or two, even. It'll help you be more focused for the others.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-02-13 05:22 am (UTC)