"She Goes on Curating Your Domestic Museum..."

[psalm_onethirtyone]

Omg. A post that's not about being sick!

Because, even though I am definitely still sick, and losing my voice besides, I actually got out of bed and did things instead of feeling sorry for myself all day!

...Where by things I mean homework and spending three hours at Unity House working on the Pinwheels for Peace project, but that's okay. It was really nice. Toria and Andy and Stephen and I sat around and cut out a million and a half pinwheels that people had coloured during the week, and put them together, and to-morrow Toria and Andy are going to line the main walk on campus with them for International Day of Peace. It's going to be really, really pretty, and I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm going to go around and photograph all of the ones I did, because I'm obnoxious like that.

Also I spent two hours sitting at the very corner of the Sunderland quad with Erin and Liz talking about sexuality and invisible illnesses (Liz has some sort of disastrous arthritis-like condition and Erin and I have mental illnesses). There is something these experiences when you just create or discuss or explode with language that feels very grown-up at the same time it feels very naive and unlike the world.

Half an hour ago Kat and Katie and Sarah kidnapped me and drove us to Sheetz, which I normally boycott, and they bought ice cream and Sarah got jelly beans and I got Gatorade and a cup of noodly hot soup, which my throat is very happy about. It was completely impulsive and I was in my pajamas.

The good thing about being sick is that I literally have had no time to be depressed. I don't mean to imply that you can be nondepressed by staying busy--I hate when people say that--but my head has been filled with this unending mantra of 'oh god I hate being sick' and it's driven everything else out. I haven't wanted to self-injure since this started. I haven't had that feeling of being wrapped up in concrete. I don't know, maybe when your body is fighting so hard to push off sickness, when everything is being directed towards that one goal, there's nothing to spare for anything else. I am just making things up, of course.

My arm is covered with blue and red and gold paint from Stephen's paint pens, which I was using to make pinwheels. I am hoping to wake up to-morrow without a fever.

Comments

[raanve]

This all sounds lovely -- well, except for the whole being sick thing.

There is something these experiences when you just create or discuss or explode with language that feels very grown-up at the same time it feels very naive and unlike the world.

I had an experience like this at WisCon this year, except to me it felt like being back in college & being grown-up all at the same time. It was electrifying; I want to hang on to that sensation. Sometimes I can, sometimes I can't. But at least now I know that, even though I'm in my 30s, life can still hand me moments like that one.

*hugs* to you. I hope you're feeling much better soon.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

<333 You are an explosion of warmth, is what you are. You're the kind of person I would love to have here on campus as one of my friends (not that you're not a friend, but for that geographical closeness?).

Thank you! My temperature is only 99 to-day so I am going to class and infecting everyone, responsibility be damned.

[raanve]

This makes me feel really good! ^__^ Thank you. (And I do know what you mean. So many of my friends are scattered all over. Sometimes I would just like a giant commune of everyone all in one place.)

Glad to hear your temp is somewhat down - just don't push too hard!

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

(TELL ME ABOUT IT).

I am tryyyying. But there is so much work to do!

[holyschist.livejournal.com]

I know exactly what you mean about being sick. It's just so exhausting all I can do is take care of myself. No energy to worry about anything else.

But it still sucks.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Exactly! And that's tragic, in a way, that anyone could ever be too tired to be depressed, but hey.

Yes. Yes it does.