"Look at me and tell me who I am..."

[psalm_onethirtyone]

I don't want to write ever again. No. Just--no.

I'm not getting any enjoyment out of it, and I don't care, and I feel like all I'm turning out is bad material, and it doesn't seem like other people are interested. And yes, I am one of those people who can't work on projects without outside support. Wanting to do something myself doesn't work. I need someone else to want it too, which is why I'm always taking commissions.

But to-day I hate it. I don't like what I'm writing, and I don't like the prospect of writing, so I feel horrible and guilty because I've just taken all these requests, and--stuff.

No. Don't want to write anymore. Don't want to touch the keyboard for writing.

Damn, but I have to write Emma's story for Scum Club, and I don't even want to do that. Thank God I'm quitting.

I hate my writing, and I hate myself, and I do not want to do it.

AHHHHHH.

This is so. Stupid. Stupid? Yes, Soujin, it is stupid.

I do not want to talk to anyone to-night, as I all I have been doing the last week is whining or crying or angsting at people. I'm sick of doing that. I'm angry with myself, and I hate myself every night when I get offline because all I've done is whinged at some innocent person or another.

Stupid.

'But lately I find that I reek of discontent and it fills me...'

And shit, it induces headaches.

Comments

[comite.livejournal.com]

dude, i added you to my friends list because i read your stories AVIDLY and i wanted to make sure i got to read 'em all, story ideas, scraps of dialogue, whatever you turn out and let other people read. and i'm going to second what la petra said. honestly, it's that drive to always be better and not be satisfied with what you're producing that made you take up writing in the first place, eh. there was a famous poet who kept repeating "when i am fifty, i will be a writer...when i am eighty, i will be a writer...when i am a hundred, i will be a writer..." never considered herself one even though she'd been showered with honors.

and it's perfectly natural to not want to write in a vacuum, you know? also i bet the only person who feels put upon by your venting is /you/.

if you feel you need a break, let yourself -- i personally would be VERY sad not to have soujin writing to read for a bit, but you need to take care of yourself first. but if you really are enjoying what you're doing and are just feeling kinda down -- don't beat yourself up over it. it's a part of being human -- and ain't that what a writer's supposed to explore and capture? ;)

take care

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

#^_^#

Thanks very much. She takes it to heart, and promises not to write Jehan-with-writers'-block!fic.