"Wishing That I Could See You Every Day..."

Somebody tell me how to get to the point where if someone says she doesn't like something (and I do it, or did it once, or did it this week my accident, or do it all the time) I don't want to run away and hide and die because I'm sure, sure, sure she's talking about me.

(On the other hand, look! :D Soujin's having angst about something that isn't her weight! Gasp, shock.

I still think it would be nice to be able to hibernate.)

Somebody tell me that people do not get bored with me, do not get tired with me--show me how not to overreact at the slightest sign somebody's upset with me. Explain how it works that everybody is not always looking at me at all the time. Somebody gently take me by the shoulder and point out that people will not hate me if I miss a day, people will not feel I've failed if I have to go away, people will not be angry with me for getting sick. Let me know that the world does not pivot on my responsibilities to other people.

Insist that anybody can stop for a day. Just a day. They won't hate you, they won't want to excommunicate you.

Tell me I don't have to lie about what I like, what I'm reading, people won't stereotype me, people won't be bothered. When there's a silence, it's not my fault. I can't offend people that easily (it's not always about me, it's not about me, the world does not care, nobody is looking at me all the time).

Tell me I'm doing enough, not too little. Tell me it's not all divine punishments. Tell me I'm being stupid, tell me this is silly, and tell me that I can go into work to-day and tell her that I will be away for Christmas, and she will not be angry with me, she will not be disappointed, she will not be reproachful, it will not be the end of the world. I do not have to keep apologising, over and over and over.

...Daddy's the same way, but less so.

"Denmark is Still..."

...My 'people, augh' is starting to kick in worse than usual. I do not want to talk. I just want to hide in my room.

(But I do want to thank everybody who commented on my last post. She was actually very nice about it. Except that she isn't going to have any help that entire month, she let me know, because Karen's getting surgery, so it's just me and her, except it's just her, because I called off augh augh augh augh I am a bad person.)

( more angst under cut. this is getting tiresome )

( revelation/frustration angst. boring )

Now I need to do the things I need to do.