"Honesty Left Me..."

[psalm_onethirtyone]

Feeling much worse. Treadmilled, to see if some exercise would help, which it doesn't seem to have; called off work. Guilty.

Have developed a cough, now, which agitates my throat.

The only good thing is this means it can't be something I did to myself. I would feel too guilty to manage if I'd made myself ill. I used to. In school. I don't remember, I only remember that I went to the nurse's office all the time, and finally she let me help her with silly little things all during the lunch hour, but I always thought she was just doing that. Mum says she did it because I was getting teased, and she was hiding me. She says I made myself sick all the time, about the time I'd have to eat lunch, sometimes earlier, and everybody knew it was psychological and whatnot, and. I did it to get out of things, you see.

So I thought that maybe because of the play, and being so stressed, I was making myself ill to get out of things. But I don't think I could make myself have a sore throat, even though I could do dizziness. So it must be real. I think it is. I hope it is.

Now to lie down.

Comments

[kateorman.livejournal.com]

Gods, I used to fantasise about having my legs broken when I was failing my honours year. A clear sign that it was time to quit!

Being teased at school would make anyone sick - upset stomach, headaches, the natural symptoms of stress. You wouldn't have to deliberately "make" yourself ill - in fact, you probably wouldn't be able to help it.

*kills and eats all school bullies*

Ahem. Anyway, don't exercise when you're ill; you need rest, not exertion, thilly. :-x

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Really? *eeps*

Well, no. I don't think I was doing it deliberately, or I would have remembered. But it was definitely me, and not actual illness. That's why I was afraid I was doing it now and couldn't tell.

*tries very hard not to encourage you*

Oops. *apologises*