"Bad Dreams in the Night..."

[psalm_onethirtyone]

Well, I'll never get to sleep to-night. ^^ I accidentally took a four-hour nap to-day. I was tired, though! I've been feeling as though I'm getting no sleep at all--not sleepy so much as achingly tired and hurting all over and the way I usual feel when I fail to sleep. But I had ten hours last night; and then of course four to-day, and I'm still pretty tired. Body, wtf. Be good.

Cali came back again and I shared my dinner with her as a peace offering. Possibly we will be reconciled.

Sandy--oh, Sandy. He is having trouble walking all of a sudden. He can't get up the steps any more. Mum has started carrying him instead. I guess--he's about ten or eleven years old, if I actually think about it, but that's not hugely old, is it? I don't know. He's in pretty bad shape all of a sudden. As a result, he is not being asked to sleep outside any more; he is also not being allowed to go along on rides any more.

...He's about the same age as Cali, actually. But there's nothing wrong with Cali. She's just round and snuggly and still a terrific mouser and a wonderful kitty, except that she has started dripping again. I don't know whether to mention it to the vet again or not.

Augh, pets. Please do not be sick. Soujin loves you too much. ;___;

I am, meanwhile, doing nothing with my life. Waen has just gotten a job, and I feel--supremely useless. It's very frustrating. It's sort of--oh, it's stupid. But I worked all summer and all that happened was I had a horrible experience that's still haunting me and won't leave me alone, and it ruined for me one of my favourite things to do-- and Waen spent the summer having a fabulous time; she travelled, she bought two cars and a dog, she got to sell a lot of her artwork and spend time with her friends and all sorts of things, and now she's getting a job and she does so much and gahhh.

And Soujin is just sleeping a lot and doing a little and forcing herself to leave the house at all. It's stupid, see? I am not jealous of her. I just feel pretty plain and stupid in comparison.

I will not help that this evening. :D I will bum around on the internets doing nothing and then around twelve will not be able to sleep; so will take melatonin and wake up to-morrow with a headache, and then I will sit around trying to figure out what in heaven's name I'm doing in Latin and chemistry. I just wish I didn't feel so--useless. Rilly useless. And I think the 'never leaving the house' part is doing a lot to be unhelpful.

And I will admit that I am jealous of Waen that two days a week she gets to have dinner out with Mum and they stay out until ten-thirty working on cars together while I stay home and eat with Daddy (something that is v. high on my discomfort-o-metre) and then fool around online all night long. >___<

I want to do something, but I'm so limited.

Comments

[catholic-heart.livejournal.com]

I accidentally took a too long nap today, too. Garr! Here it is cold and rainy, and I have been up late all the time, and that makes for an easy way to fall asleep for too, too long. Oh well :/

I have a feeling you will find out what that "something" is you are going to do. Spirits like yours are meant for the world to know.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

It's raining her, too! It's so dark. I fall asleep in the dark a lot.

Afjadfjfkald #_____# Oh, lord. Well--I hope I get something.

[catholic-heart.livejournal.com]

Afjadfjfkald

That's a hard word to say out loud, but I tried :D

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

One always wants to pronounce the keyboard smash!

[gileonnen.livejournal.com]

If life gives you a resting-time, then take it--if you're given a chance to not do something, take it. Don't be like me--value your precious freedom and value your slow times. Use them as a chance to prepare yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually for the challenges that are ahead--because arjuna27 is exactly right, that spirits such as yours are meant for more. After the world has rested in winter, it always breaks forth in new and enthusiastic life.

Perhaps, now, it's Waen's time. But later, when you're ready, it will be yours. *hugs*

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

The thing is, it's not slow time--I don't know, I'm so restless. I feel as though I'm not making use out of what I have, and that I should be doing more, and that makes me--bothers me.

I'm ready. I'm ready!

[gileonnen.livejournal.com]

That's the problem, though, lady--you think you're ready, you want to be ready, you want it to be time (that's why you're restless)--but the signs all seem to indicate that it's not time yet. You're relatively free of commitments, your body's chiming in that it's tired--it means it's rest-time, ladylove. Get rest, whether that means sleep or whether that's just about spending time being glad without being productive. Wouldn't you tell me the same thing?

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Yes, but I know that you actually do need the rest. You do too much. <3 I just sit around.

[gileonnen.livejournal.com]

Were you not doing too much just recently? Wouldn't you like me to be able to just sit around? Aren't you aware that you have only recently entered a very different period in your life, which has to some extent resulted from the preceding period?

[silverdragon262.livejournal.com]

Aw, Sandy. ;_____; He is old like Goldi, who sometimes tries to jump up on the couch and cannot make it. Poor pups have about half the life expectancy of cats-- that's the sad part about them. They get old so much faster.

I know how you feel. Probably too well.

How come Waen and Mum go out and they don't invite you?

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Oh, no, is that true? I sort of assumed they had the same life expectancy. *clings to him* Sandyyyyy. You can't be doing this to us.

*clings* It's so frustrating.

Cars! :D I am not particularly the sort of person you ask to go welding with you.

[silverdragon262.livejournal.com]

Oh...! ;____; Well, maybe not half. Dogs average 10-15 years, depending on breed, and it's not that usual for cats to make it to their 20s. *snuggles Sandy* Arthritis isn't so bad, though, as long he can stay inside and not have to clim stairs.

*snuggles* I know.

No, but they could come back to get you.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Oh, dear. Sandy's a mixed-breed rescue dog. Do you think that makes a difference? *clings to Zara* That's true. He's still happy and snuggly and things.

I know. ^^ I should not be whining about this to you.

Well--not really. At four Daddy takes Waen to class, where she meets Mum; class lasts until nine, and they go out for dinner and then come home around ten-thirty.

[silverdragon262.livejournal.com]

I don't know. ;______; -- Well, that's what really matters, I should think.

XD XD XD Are you saying I'm useless so I should be exlcuded, hmm? Hmm? Are you?

I am not seeing where they couldn't come get you, or come home to eat. It seems exceptionally rude.

[talissarocsham.livejournal.com]

*snuggles* Kou-chan, I love you. That is all.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

*lovesback*

[talissarocsham.livejournal.com]

And no excommunication. *hides, shhhhh*

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

fasldfkaslfja OH MY GOD FOR REALS?

[talissarocsham.livejournal.com]

*nodnodhide*

[bewareofitalics]

*hugs* I know how you feel about being useless, but I also know that you have done/are doing a lot with your life (in fact, I often feel useless compared to you). It's all right to have not-busy time, really it is!

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

...You feel useless compared to me? You can't be serious; I always feel that way compared to you! *flails around*

[bewareofitalics]

But I sit around on the computer all day and procrastinate and don't do my reading for class and am taking the minimum required credits anyway (although that would be different if theatre classes were credited by how much work you actually do and not by, "Oh, theatre, that's easy! 3 credits for a course that should be 6!" :P) and have only ever briefly had a job and can't cook or bake except out of boxes and am useless in lots of other ways!

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

You're doing all these classes and are all over the place and are sewing costumes and having a social life and looking for a job and it seems like you're always busy kfdasdfjk!

[tomecatti.livejournal.com]

... I'm not even going to comfort you on this one, because i feel terrible when i'm lazy too... It's okay, though?

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Thank you.