"I Don't Even Understand..."

[psalm_onethirtyone]

Happy birthday, Mr. Verne. ♥

(I no longer exist as of to-night. nope. nothin'.)

(--oh, right. and for whatever reason, I agreed to go to the homeschool winter formal. I shall stand around in a dress that is beautiful and makes me want to cry because I feel that I make it ugly; I will be all by myself and know no one, or else know a few people, but not well enough to be comfortable, and after a very short period of time naturally will hide in the bathroom sobbing; and will either eat too much or not at all, both of which will result in more sobbing. Someone tell me what on earth makes me pay for emotional trauma.)

Comments

[gileonnen.livejournal.com]

*hugs you close, closecloseclose* First, I love you, lady, and I hope that you will understand that you're lovely someday soon.

Second, what is this about not existing?

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

*clingsclose* It won't be soon enough for me. ^^

Ehhh, there is so. much. to. do. I think I'm going insane inside my head.

[gileonnen.livejournal.com]

But maybe soon, nonetheless--!

Is the insanity and the busy-ness connected, or are they separate?

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Maybe--!

Mostly connected. I have so much to finish and so much to begin, and so much to accomplish and so much to learn not to fail at, and it all wants to be done at once, and, more than that, it all needs to be done at once, and it makes me feel like I can't breath sometimes, and then I just want to stop Being.

[gileonnen.livejournal.com]

Maybe it would help to think of it less as a mass of things that all need to be done at once, and more as a finite number of things that you can put on a list and parcel out for certain days? I don't know if that would help you, but it always helps me a tremendous amount--and it makes me more willing to Be, to see that I don't always have to Do as well.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

I could try that--

[gileonnen.livejournal.com]

*snuggles* Thank you, lady.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

♥

[tomecatti.livejournal.com]

heeey. You could never make a dress look ugly! Because you are insanely beautiful, love. *cuddle* Soujin, you are gorgeous, and you shouldn't hide yourself away out of fear that you aren't, because then people will not get to see how beautiful you are in a beautiful dress, and you'll miss out on so much, and did i mention that you're beautiful?

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

I don't think so. *snugglesclose*

[tomecatti.livejournal.com]

I don't think this is the sort of thing we shall be permitted to agree to disagree on. You're beautiful. *snugglesback*

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Maybe just so we shan't argue, I'll pretend to agree--?

[tomecatti.livejournal.com]

Nooooo ;____; *cuddle* you shouldn't pretend that things are true when they are true!

I shall have to find some way to actually change your mind...!

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

My mind is bad at being changed. ^^;;;

[tomecatti.livejournal.com]

A challenge from a beautiful girl... How can i resist? (mine is too, So this will be a sort-of-war of wills!)

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

...Tom? I love you because you are AWFUL.

[tomecatti.livejournal.com]

XD That's a strange reason to love someone! I love you because you're wonderful, because you'll lovesomeone for their awfulness, because you'll continue a conversation more than a week after the last bit (i'm serious ^^;;), and also because you are beautiful.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Oh, you. (as Zara will tell you, I can carry on conversations months after the last bit; this is less because I'm talented and more because I'm lazy.) I love you because you are so smart, and funny, and you always make me feel better and beautiful and special, and you always have something interesting to say---

[tomecatti.livejournal.com]

(It's also out of an ability to sort your thoughts and finally realize what needs to be said!) I also love you because you are beautiful and special, and because you make me feel much the same way.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

(Or just be lazy. XD) ♥ Oh, sir. I am also always struck by an absolutely inability to be coherent when around you. ^^

[tomecatti.livejournal.com]

(The two may go hand in hand!) <3 I'm struck by much the same thing around you, though you always seem pretty coherent to me...!

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

(perchance!) Ohhh, silly.

[mhari.livejournal.com]

Oh, sweetheart. *snuggles*

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

*clings*

[eremon-lass.livejournal.com]

Plz to be existing occasionally, as I should miss you terribly if you did not. as for the formal, go and make everyone jealous of how lovely you look in your dress, for indeed you will.

*sigh* And Bedi says he wants pictures, the little git.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

I believe the same goes for you, madam; and I think that requires having a dress, buh. I can't think of anything I have that fits the snow theme.

...Wicked.

[karla-yonit.livejournal.com]

*cliiiiiiiiing* Don't hide at the formal, then no one will see how gorgeous you are! :(

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Nooooo.

[karla-yonit.livejournal.com]

:( :( *holds*

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

*snugs*

[karla-yonit.livejournal.com]

*snugsback*

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

^__^

[silverdragon262.livejournal.com]

You know, I think you need to stop sabotaging yourself. If you can't go to the formal without creating a self-fulfilling prophecy of emotional trauma, then don't go.

No matter how pretty you'd look in a pretty dress.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Is that considered a sabotage? Lara was so enthusiastic about asking me to come, and I said yes.

jkgfjsdklfjskdl!

[silverdragon262.livejournal.com]

Well, telling yourself that everything's going to end in tears? Yes, that's sabotage. It's not that I don't think you should go; it's that if you go, I want you to go with the intent of enjoying yourself (you like getting dressed up, you'll know Lara, at least, and surely other people, too, and maybe you can eat beforehand so you won't feel pressured one way or the other). Don't go with the expectation of it being awful, because that's a little silly.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

You're right. ^^ And I picked out a beautiful, beautiful old dress of Mum's and she took it in for me, and I'm going to know Lara, and--I'm going to hope for a wonderful time instead of a sad one.

[silverdragon262.livejournal.com]

Oh, good; it's always nice to be right. I think it will be a wonderful time. Where is the formal? ^^ And who is Lara? I don't think I've heard of her before.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Indeed. ^_^ Well, I hope so. My dress gives me hope. And I'm not actually sure where, really, and she's from bowling. She's nice. She's Ezra's girlfriend.

[josiana.livejournal.com]

COuld you please exist? ;__; The lack of you would make the world considerably worse.

Also, you could never make anything ugly. ;__;

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Maybe I will.

can, too, I'm afraid.

[josiana.livejournal.com]

You don't have to. I wouldn't want to interfere with your freedom. ;_;

:( I probably won't be able to convince you otherwise, but I still think you're lovely.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

You of all people should know how wrong that is. :D

Well, thank you.

[josiana.livejournal.com]

Of course. >__>

You're welcome. &hearts

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

:D :D :D

♥