"The Sky is on Fire, I'll See You in a While..."

[psalm_onethirtyone]

Eulogy

When the cardinal died
I sorrowed within me
In ways I had forgotten
For a long, long time:
For autumn firelight as it once was,
For my grown up children,
And because in his red fallen feathers
I found my lost rhyme.

Comments

[gileonnen.livejournal.com]

A tight little poem, somehow both everyday and unique--it would please me a little more to see it further tightened, made as concise as possible, but that's just a taste and not a flaw in your piece.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

^^;; How would you tighten it?

[gileonnen.livejournal.com]

Hmm--do something to narrow down 'autumn firelight as it once was' and 'his red fallen feathers,' personally. They're good images, but if you devote too many words to them, you risk bathos.

Then again, I might be the only person reading who feels this way, so certainly take the advice with a grain of salt!

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

I'm just not sure how. I can't revise, I'm really bad at it. ^^;; Is why if I don't get something right on the first go I tend to throw it out.

[gileonnen.livejournal.com]

Mmm--I was like that, too, and then I took a poetry workshop course. It was outrageously revision-intensive, and I learned a lot about how to take criticism and apply it through the course. One of the most important lessons was, though, that not every critique contains usable information. Possibly mine's just one you're going to have to toss. ^_~

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Well--I don't know. :D

[erinpuff]

<3333 I may have to set this one to music.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Oh...! I would love that so much.

[la-mia-cara.livejournal.com]

Oooooh! Farewell, Angelina! ^______^

Also, I really like the poem. :-)

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Yes! I was listening to the New Riders of the Purple Sage to-day. ^__^

Thank you!

[theatre-angel.livejournal.com]

You're going to move the world with your writing someday.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Shhh, no, that doesn't happen in real life.

[mhari.livejournal.com]

That is really, really lovely.

Also, AIM?

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

*eebles* Thank you so much.

here I am!