"My New Church Has a Slightly High Steeple..."

[psalm_onethirtyone]

A few notes:

1. The other day Mama and I were talking and she said, "It's a good thing you don't like alcohol. You probably shouldn't ever drink very much."

It's a family joke that I wouldn't be much different drunk than I am normally, so I figured that was what this was, but she was kind of serious, so I said, "How come?" She said,--

"Because of the depression. People with clinical depression shouldn't drink. Alcohol is a depressant."

And I felt awful.

It's so weird. I mean, for one thing, I do hate the taste. Also the smell. It makes me queasy and I just generally think it's kind of awful. I really don't have any desire ever to drink or get drunk. But I thought, "My God, that's terrible." And--it's because I've never, ever thought of this in long-term consequences before. I think of it always in the short-term: the pills, the nights when I can't stop crying, and how I have to be careful not to trigger myself on things, things like that. But honestly there are things that are still going to be relevant years from now. I can't drink, she's right. And I have to know that I might give this to my children. And I could still be taking medication when I'm forty. It's honestly possible.

I just never even realised that before.

2. Transformers was awesome. I love Bee so, so much. BEE. ^_____^

3. I haven't eaten yet to-day, and I really don't want to. I think I am going to change clothes and go to the gym so I can read more Chernevog. Possibly I will wait until Mama and Maria get home so I can ask if Mama wants to go too.

4. Maria. Yes. That is her real name, and she has told me she'd prefer I used it. She's not worried about internet stalking. :D So, for the record: my sister's name is Maria, Maria Elaine, and that is what I will call her from now on.

5. Chernevog is wonderful. >_> And makes me wibble like crazy.

Comments

[gileonnen.livejournal.com]

3. For weight-ish issues? Because then I've got to worry, miss ...

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

3. Well, yes. It's still an issue.

[gileonnen.livejournal.com]

3. *hugs* I'm sorry I can't help you with the psychological bits, miss--all I can say is that it's healthier to cultivate a love of things that are good for your body/shape than to cultivate a hatred of the body. If you can enjoy eating low-calorie meals on their own merits, and enjoy exercising simply for the fact of watching Lost exercising, you're both more likely to lose weight and less likely to be unhappy. And you're also probably going to eat more.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

3. I know it's healthier. I know what's right to do and what's good for me. It just doesn't work in my head, you know? I know I'm going to gain weight from restricting and purging, but it doesn't really help.

[gileonnen.livejournal.com]

3. I'm sorry--I'm like a guy. I try to fix things by offering solutions when that's not why you mention things; you say them just to say them ... and I'm sorry.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

3. No, no, no. Stop that, you. ♥ Don't be sorry. It is true that I just say them to whine, but it doesn't make you bad for offering solutions. It makes you a very thoughtful person who's trying to help. Don't be sorry for that.

[gileonnen.livejournal.com]

3. But it seems like it just makes you feel worse, to read what I have to say, and I'd never want to see you feel worse for something I'd said.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

3. No. It doesn't. I promise.