"My New Church Has a Slightly High Steeple..."

[psalm_onethirtyone]

A few notes:

1. The other day Mama and I were talking and she said, "It's a good thing you don't like alcohol. You probably shouldn't ever drink very much."

It's a family joke that I wouldn't be much different drunk than I am normally, so I figured that was what this was, but she was kind of serious, so I said, "How come?" She said,--

"Because of the depression. People with clinical depression shouldn't drink. Alcohol is a depressant."

And I felt awful.

It's so weird. I mean, for one thing, I do hate the taste. Also the smell. It makes me queasy and I just generally think it's kind of awful. I really don't have any desire ever to drink or get drunk. But I thought, "My God, that's terrible." And--it's because I've never, ever thought of this in long-term consequences before. I think of it always in the short-term: the pills, the nights when I can't stop crying, and how I have to be careful not to trigger myself on things, things like that. But honestly there are things that are still going to be relevant years from now. I can't drink, she's right. And I have to know that I might give this to my children. And I could still be taking medication when I'm forty. It's honestly possible.

I just never even realised that before.

2. Transformers was awesome. I love Bee so, so much. BEE. ^_____^

3. I haven't eaten yet to-day, and I really don't want to. I think I am going to change clothes and go to the gym so I can read more Chernevog. Possibly I will wait until Mama and Maria get home so I can ask if Mama wants to go too.

4. Maria. Yes. That is her real name, and she has told me she'd prefer I used it. She's not worried about internet stalking. :D So, for the record: my sister's name is Maria, Maria Elaine, and that is what I will call her from now on.

5. Chernevog is wonderful. >_> And makes me wibble like crazy.

Comments

[tiamatschild.livejournal.com]

'Bee was totally the person to watch in that movie. Oh, Bumblebee, you're a doll no matter the incarnation, you really are.

*hugsyou* eeeeeeeeeeat. I'm horrible about remembering and I always pay!

Chernevog is great. I love it. Oh, Kavi, you weird, weird, weird freaky man. Stop hitting on Pyetr!

*cuddlesyou*

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

He's so great! ^______^ Eeeee. Such a silly awesome special Beeeeee. I expect you to babble at me to-night, okay?

Eh, I don't want to.

HE AHHH HE IS HE'S SO COMPLETELY SCARY. OMG. And Sasha keeps going scary, too. He's growing up! It's so weird! And Pyetr is still the BEST THING EVER.

*loveson and apologises so much for Monday night*

[tiamatschild.livejournal.com]

Okay! I have to admit - the movie wasn't really my thing, but! BUMBLEBEE. Also, it's just as OT3ish as the cartoon, although in a totally different way.

Okay, if you get hungry though...

HE IS. I love Sasha growing up and being disturbing - Sasha's really, really messed up, and I like watching him. I doooo. And PYETR and also you should play Babi.

*lovesback doesnotcareisfine*

[mhari.livejournal.com]

1. *cuddles* On the other hand, it's good that you're getting it treated now, so that by the time you're forty you will be good at coping!

2. Hahahaha. Nanni has CORRUPTED YOU.

3. Food is good for you! (I wish I could mail you cinnamon toast. The bread lady came back!)

4. Hi, maria!

5. BWEHEHEHEHE IS IT NOT?

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

1. That's true! It's not going rampantly undetected.

2. GOD SHE HAS.

3. But I don't waaaaaaaaannaaaaaa. (ooo...! Good. ^___^)

4. She says hi. :D

5. EEEEEEEEEE. GAHHHHHHHHHH. IN THAT ORDER.

[mhari.livejournal.com]

*pounce*

[gileonnen.livejournal.com]

1. Anything in the long term can be terrifying--but it can also be a real blessing. If, for example, you have an adopted child (or a niece, or a nephew) who suffers from depression, then you will have long-term experience in coping with depression that will help you to be a pillar for this person when she or he needs you. If you do become a surgeon, as you so often say that you wish to, your long-term experience in managing your triggers will help you to give comfort to those people whose triggers are touched by the hospital stay. You have it in you to be a help to others, should you choose it; I think that's truly special. *hugs*

2. I still have to see that. ^_^;;

3. When you get hungry, though, you should eat, all right?

4. I'll remember it--me, I'm confused as to whether I should be saying 'youngest sister' still or else linking to lazygreendaygal. ^_~

5. Ooh, what is this Chernevog?

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

1. Thank you. You're right.

2. I thought it was worth it. ^_^

3. I was hungry. I just didn't want to eat.

4. Heh, yes. Luckily, Meem isn't interested in an LJ.

5. Is a book of LOVE. ^_^

[gileonnen.livejournal.com]

3. For weight-ish issues? Because then I've got to worry, miss ...

[canadabear.livejournal.com]

I can't drink, she's right.

Yes, you can, it's just not the best of ideas to do it often. I'm nowhere near a big drinker, but I do have alcohol occasionally, and am clinically depressed, and it's done me no worse for wear. Whether you want to drink or not, don't think of it as something you simply cannot ever EVER do. It's just moderation. Like it should be, frankly.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

That makes me feel a little better about it. ^_^ Thank you. I don't know why it upsets me, though, because I don't want to drink.

[canadabear.livejournal.com]

*snugs* It's upsetting not because of what it is, but because it's something you're afraid you won't ever be able to do. It's the perceived lack of option.

I would also like to chime in with those below who have commented on the hormone issue. My depression was very, very bad in my late teens/early 20's. It's still not much fun right now, but it's definitely better and I attribute a good part of that to simply growing up. Give yourself a chance.

[tinyammmy]

Um, um... *deep breath* I don't want to pounce unwelcome-ly, because we haven't known each other that long, but I am the child of someone with rather serious clinical depression, and I can reassure you slightly on the score of family-ness. I mean, it is possible you'll pass it on, but if you do, then you'll be there to help them recognize it and help, and if you don't, they'll still be there for a support system. I mean, every family is different, of course, but I just sort of want to be reassuring. I don't know what I'm trying to say. *flails*

I suppose what I'm driving at is that learning to cope with it now will certainly help later, and that my dad has clinical depression but has still managed to have a semi-normal, happy family life. And I hope I haven't gone completely out of line here, and am sorry if I have. *loves*

Also, I love Bumblebee.

[brieboo.livejournal.com]

As for your first point, did you know they did a study that suggested that if mothers with depression are treated with medication, their kids are not significantly more likely to get it than children of non-depressed mothers?

[tinyammmy]

No, I didn't actually. Do you remember where you read it, by any chance?

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

There is no such thing as unwelcome pounceage. Especially from you. <33 And--thank you very much. You're right. I will have experience if it happens. Thank you.

I'm glad your dad has been happy and everything. I'm really glad. ♥ *lovesback*

He is fantastic.

[brieboo.livejournal.com]

You're what, 16? It's entirely possible that when your hormones settle down, your condition will improve, even if the depression doesn't abate entirely (I speak from experience: I had about a year of major depressive episodes when I was 13, mostly because my hormones were so utterly out of whack. When my body sorted itself out, I was fine again).

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

I'm seventeen. That would be really nice. I'm already tired of taking medication. ^^;; (That's interesting. I got mine as a result of an eating disorder, but maybe as my body readjusts to wellness the depression will lessen.)

[silverdragon262.livejournal.com]

I second the above about hormones. While at seventeen, you may like to think you are over the hormonal flux-- it's still going. Don't underestimate your body's ability to even itself out, especially because are you helping it. You are taking meds and (sometimes) seeing therapists and even making posts like this-- you may not always have the answers, but you are willing to talk about the problems. That will go a long way, hopefully. ♥

Remember also that you have no need to be drinking now. And that if you ever have the desire to drink, by no means will you have to go on benders. From what I have seen of your family, they are responsible and moderate drinkers and very probably the best role models you could have.

So, no, you should probably never allow yourself to use alcohol as an escape because that's a slippery slope, but in terms of a glass of wine with dinner or a cocktail to wind down... I wouldn't say never.

I know that was just an example. But I guess what I mean is... Discretion is important, and looking after yourself is important, but... Thinking in terms of long-life restriction makes it scarier, and you really don't need your depression to be scarier right now.

...

I knew Maria's name aready! :D *wins*

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I telephoned you, you know how much this means to me--thank you. ♥

You did!

[silverdragon262.livejournal.com]

You did, and I do know. ♥ I do not mean to be preachy, of course. I understand what you mean quite well; I don't know if I ever explained why I don't drink (other than that alcohol is gross and I really don't need anything that messes with my body chemistry), but it's because alcoholism and various related depressive disorders run strongly on both sides of the family. It's just that it seems like there's a difference (maybe only semantic) between feeling trapped and doing or not doing something because it's safer for you.

I hope that makes sense. On the bright side, you are thinking about these things and, honestly, that makes you more responsible than many people can manage.

[holyschist.livejournal.com]

I think other people have made a lot of good points--being clinically depressed now doesn't mean you will always be (my mom went through a long severe period in her twenties and several less severe periods since then, but she's not always depressed and it hasn't crippled her life). There are a lot of factors that play into things. And it's not an inevitable genetic thing you're guaranteed to pass on. And drinking in moderation is probably not out if you decide to down the line (for example, drinking doesn't make me feel worse unless I'm really depressed--it usually makes me happy and giggly for a while and then I fall asleep).

It's good you're getting treated now. And it's entirely possible that things won't always be this bad.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

I really hope that's true, as it is very, very tiresome. <--mockage makes it easier to deal? I need to give it a name, too. all my other issues have names.

It is good, I know. I'm very lucky.

Thank you. ♥

[kateorman.livejournal.com]

I do have the occasional drink - I'm just cautious about it, as it could potentially interact with my antidepressant and/or my diabetes medication. For example, I'll only drink alcohol when there's also something to eat, I'll sometimes choose light beer over full strength, and I always stop if the room begins to wobble. :-)

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

That is because you are Smart and Cool.

<333333333

*loves*