"Say Good-bye, My Baby..."

[psalm_onethirtyone]

So to-night I completed my Safe Zones training, which means I am certified to make my room a place where anybody who is gay, lesbian, bi, bi-curious, queer, questioning, pan, asex, intersex, or any particular part of the alphabet soup you want, is safe to come. I get a pink triangle to put on my door, a reference to the Holocaust when gay men had to wear a pink triangle on their clothes.

I am extremely proud of this fact. I don't think everyone will know what it means, and I don't think that many people will probably take advantage of the fact, but I'm just glad that I did it and can have that symbol of a place of refuge.

I haven't really been--communicative lately, on my LJ, which I am aware of. Sort of a combination of mental health issues, school, and social expectations has been extremely overwhelming. Anyway, I thought I should post that I've been re-diagnosed with bipolar disorder and anxiety disorder, and am currently being medicated for both (and I hate the anti-anxiety med, wah wah wah, it makes my eyes blur and gives me haaaangovers wah).

I am currently writing a paper about why Attila the Hun was the most awesome person ever for my religion class (as well as reading Journey to the West! :D :D :D); we presented our election projection lab project on Monday and got an A, despite the fact that I lost my temper halfway through and yelled at our lab leader in front of the whole class and the teacher. >_> I think this is mostly because Obama won and the teacher was feeling very soothed and happy about it.

I have a bunch of friends and a crush (don't tell!). My current assertion project is letting women know when I think they're beautiful, in the most non-creepy way possible. I am secretary of All Ways of Loving, our queer and allies club on campus. My third bio exam is on Wednesday and I am ready, finally, to ROCK THAT DAMN THING. I have a ninety overall grade in pre-calc and I think I can push it up with the next exam and the calculus assignments I finished. I need to write a paper about why Barack Obama won the election and I'm not looking forward to it. I finished my IA course with an A; I have an A in religion. I think I have an A in CWS. I have an appointment to meet with a tutor for bio on Monday next. Friday night I get to go to a Hungarian dinner.

I drink way too much diet Dr. Pepper, but OMG you guys I have started under certain circumstances to drink things with a caloric content (not something I willingly have done for about four years). I am on the living kidney donor list (as a last resort only :P).

And I think I am finally starting to accept that fact that people love me, issues and all.

Comments

[canadabear.livejournal.com]

I am happy to hear all of this, Lady. Just give the meds a chance. I'm very proud of you. <3

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

I wiiiiill. It's just such a pain. Although I guess the absence of hyperventilation and random panic attacks suggests that it is doing some good.

[erinpuff]

*loves on* These sound like (mostly) good things. <3 I must give a special hurrah to Safe Zones training and the queer/allies club. :)

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

*adores and loves so much*

I know! It was a really cool workshop, and I'm so glad I went (I wasn't going to at first). And I LOVE AWoL and am so proud to have a responsibility to it. :D

[gileonnen.livejournal.com]

You are deeply beautiful, woman. I just--you realize how beautiful you sound in all of this, right? How much your love and bravery and joy shine through and fill me with light? Thank you. *smile*

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

You realise that you are too, right?

There will be light.

[tomecatti.livejournal.com]

IAWTC

[lokogato.livejournal.com]

You're a Safe Zone! *SO PROUD 8DDD* It's exciting that you guys have formal training for it!

:( Hopefully the meds will be helpful! If the anti-anxiety med gives you side-effects like that, is it possible to ask for something different? >_>

BUT ...

JOURNEY TO THE WEST REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY X9000

♥ LOVE.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

I am! ^_____^ Are you familiar with it? We have a guy who comes biannually (once each semester) and does training!

I hope soooo. Whine whine.

I KNOW I NEARLY DIED. OMG. Monkey is so-- XD

[reconditarmonia.livejournal.com]

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

♥!

[reconditarmonia.livejournal.com]

♥!!

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

*loves*

[bewareofitalics]

You win. ♥ I suddenly feel like you grew up when I wasn't looking.

And I haven't read Journey to the West, but I have a musical based on it! :D Want it?

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

♥ so that made me feel a little melty inside.

...are you serious? There's a MUSICAL?

[bewareofitalics]

You're melting, melting! Oh, what a world, what a world... ;)

I think there are two, actually! But I only have one. You can download the concept recording from their website! :D Unless it isn't working anymore, in which case I can upload it, eventually.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Who'd think a little Lillie like you could destroy my beautiful solidness?

Wow. That is--incredible. XD

[bewareofitalics]

Sorry, ma'am, just trying to save my friend here from burning to death!

*beams* I have no idea how faithful or brain-breaky it is, I'm afraid...

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Oh, honestly. That's what they ALL say.

We'll see once I finish. XD

[bewareofitalics]

Fine, you caught me. I melted you on purpose as part of my plan to take over the wooooooorld!

You simply must let me know. :D And I should read it one of these days...

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Dammit. I have got to start reading the manual.

XD I'll send you my copy when semester ends.

[bewareofitalics]

Bwahahahahahahaaaaaa!

Or I could go to the library!

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

:P

...Well, okay, yes, that is always a potential solution.

[tomecatti.livejournal.com]

Isn't Damon Albarn involved in one of them? Monkey: Journey to the West? Or is that something else?

It's not something else! (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monkey:_Journey_to_the_West) My favorite British musician evar.

[bewareofitalics]

Now I'm wondering if that's the second one I was thinking of or if there's a third... *g*

[mhari.livejournal.com]

*hugs and twirls you 'round*

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Mam'selle, I love you like sixty-kajillion stars in the sky.

[tomecatti.livejournal.com]

I enjoy telling women that I like their aesthetic. The look of accepting befuddlement in their eyes delights me, but not as much as the look of "that's the coolest compliment I've ever heard" that occasionally appears instead.

That's too bad about the bipolar and anxiety disorders. But you're still exactly as awesome as you've ever been, and dealing with them proves your strength.

And I think I am finally starting to accept that fact that people love me, issues and all. It's about time! :p

I want safe zones training...!

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

...Dude. That's awesome. I should try that out. (I've been going with, "You're so hot. I'm not hitting on you! I've just been--I've just noticed, you know, since I've been here, and, um, uh. You're. Really hot." which is maybe not the suavest ever. XD)

It is, but it's also... comforting? reassuring? to know that I have a name and I can start looking stuff up to know more about myself and what things mean.

XD Oh hush. You're almost as bad sometimes.

It's awesome!

[tomecatti.livejournal.com]

It is terribly adorable though XD And perhaps one of the more suave will go "You're not hitting on me? that's too bad..."

I'll bet!

Yes, well. Then I go through the periods where when I'm walking out of my room and I catch a glance of myself in the mirror and go "... dude. I'd totally make out with me if it weren't for that beard."

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Man, that would be awesome. >_> All the girls here are straight and all the guys who aren't total jerks are gay. It's tough being pan.

<3

XD Oh God I just snorted water out my nose (speaking of suave).

[tomecatti.livejournal.com]

I managed to develop a crush on a bi girl this time. It is a first for my non-internet romances, really, falling for a girl who is not a lesbian.

Being suave means never having to hear "there're boogers in that nose water." YES I AM SUDDENLY 5 WHAT OF IT?

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Hey, nice going. XD That must be kind of a relief.

XD oh god you are my favourite person right now.

[ewein2412]

goodness me. of course you are loved. accept and enjoy!

!!!♥!!!

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

<3 Yes, well, sometimes my brain says LIES ALL LIES.

[ewein2412]

as my friend amanda says, "The head and the heart, man, they don't know shit. Listen to your stomach."

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

..that? that is a good philosophy.

[ewein2412]

hey, it stopped her from marrying the wrong guy.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

! well done.

[tomboy-typist.livejournal.com]

YES. Seriously. You are. So. Much.

Be good to yourself. Always.

*hugs and stuff* You are wonderful and magical. Srsly.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

<333 Thank you so much. It's always so empowering to have it confirmed.

[tomboy-typist.livejournal.com]

<333 You are very welcome, sweetheart. I'm glad to read that you are taking care of yourself.

[softerthansound.livejournal.com]

And I think I am finally starting to accept that fact that people love me, issues and all.
You have no idea how wonderful that is to hear.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

You have no idea how weird it is to realise it.

[azurai.livejournal.com]

*Hug* I love you. And it is so awesome that you are certified with the whole Safe-Zones program. Congratulations!

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I am very excited!