"Consequence is Hanging There..."

[psalm_onethirtyone]

rainbowjehan: this film, abby, that I am watching. is about how george washington cannibalises children.
rainbowjehan: I am not making that up.
mhari: .... oh.
mhari: my.
mhari: what is it called, i may have to relay it to chat.
mhari: they like that sort of thing.
rainbowjehan: I want you to be fully appreciative of that. // The Washingtonians.
mhari: i stand in awe of your cinematographic fortitude.
rainbowjehan: thank you.
rainbowjehan: OH MY GOD OUR HERO JUST FOUND GEORGE'S LITTLE CHILD-EATING FORK.
mhari: ..... eep
rainbowjehan: AHAHAHAHA.
rainbowjehan: Fork: Hi! George loved me very much!
rainbowjehan: GEORGE IS COMING TO GET THEIR DAUUUUGHTER.
mhari: ohnoes!
rainbowjehan: OUR HERO VENTURES INTO THE DARK NIGHT ARMED WITH NOTHING BUT HIS PAJAMAS.
mhari: dun dun dah!
rainbowjehan: OUR HERO'S CEREAL IS FULL OF FINGERS. LEFT THERE BY GEORGE.
rainbowjehan: PRE. SUM. AB. LY.
mhari: :o
rainbowjehan: OUR HERO FEARS FOR HIS LIFE, BUT A HISTORICAL EXPERT COMES TO HELP HIM.
rainbowjehan: EXPERT TELLS OUR HERO THAT SECRET SOCIETY IS AFTER HIM DUE TO THEIR MISSION OF PROTECTING WASHINGTON'S TRUE IDENTITY.
rainbowjehan: THAT OF CHILD SNARFLER.
mhari: oh
mhari: that
mhari: makes perfect sense
rainbowjehan: "Our first president was a fiend, a child eater" THAT IS A REAL LINE.
mhari: righty then.
rainbowjehan: this is the funniest horror film I have ever seen.
rainbowjehan: I do not care if it is not supposed to be a spoof of the national treasure films, THAT IS WHAT I BELIEVE IT TO BE.
mhari: heeeeee
rainbowjehan: AHAHAHA THE EXPERT SHOWS OUR HERO HIS SECRET JOURNAL FULL OF HISTORICAL CHARCOAL SKETCHES OF GEORGE NOMMING ON BABBIES.
mhari: IRREFUTABLE EVIDENCE
rainbowjehan: FLASH. BACK. SEQUENCE.
rainbowjehan: A RUSTIC DINING TABLE. OLD-TIMEY CANDLES.
rainbowjehan: A FOOT ON A SILVER PLATTER.
rainbowjehan: FUCK YOU CANNIBALS EAT THEIR VICTIMS RAW, AMERICA, THEY CANNOT BE BOTHERED WITH COOKING.
mhari: that's amazing.
rainbowjehan: Isn't it?
rainbowjehan: EXPERT: IS YOUR DAUGHTER A VIRGIN?
rainbowjehan: OUR HERO: NO SHE IS TEN.
rainbowjehan: EXPERT: WELL YOU'RE FUCKED THEN MAN.
rainbowjehan: OUR HERO: ...
rainbowjehan: OUR HERO: DAMMIT.
mhari: ....
rainbowjehan: OH MY GOD ABBY.
rainbowjehan: EXPERT: SEE THE CHERRY TREE REPRESENTS GEORGE'S LOVE OF VIRGIN NOMS.
mhari: ........................................ ...
rainbowjehan: oh god it hurts to laugh it hurts.
mhari: *picks you up off the floor*
rainbowjehan: "We are thrilled to have you for dinner." WE ARE THRILLED TO HAVE YOU FOR DINNER.
mhari: ............. i see.
rainbowjehan: THIS SHIT IS BANANAS.
rainbowjehan: HA HA HA HA HA.
rainbowjehan: "These forks were carved entirely from the femurs of the first continental congress" I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP.
mhari: ........
mhari: .......................
rainbowjehan: "He first acquired the taste [of his homies] during the long winter at Valley Forge".
mhari: oh my head.
rainbowjehan: and then he realised THAT SHIT WAS DELICIOUS.
rainbowjehan: "WE FUCKING ATE THOMAS JEFFERSON".
mhari: .............
rainbowjehan: OUR HERO: DON'T TOUCH THEM. EAT ME. EAT ME YOU SONS OF BITCHES.
rainbowjehan: THAT IS A DIRECT QUOTE.
mhari: i see.
mhari: dear hollywood, why.
rainbowjehan: I DO NOT EVEN KNOW.
rainbowjehan: AND THEN THE FUCKING SWAT TEAM SHOWS UP.
mhari: OF COURSE IT DOES.
rainbowjehan: MACHINE GUN FIRE ALL AROUND.
rainbowjehan: SIX. MONTHS. LATERRR.
mhari: om nom nom nom
rainbowjehan: WHAT. WHAT. WHAT.
rainbowjehan: alkjflksjfalkfj WHAT THE FUCK.
mhari: o____o
rainbowjehan: DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS SIX MONTHS LATER ABBY?
mhari: n.
rainbowjehan: THEY SWAP OUT GEORGE ON THE DOLLAR BILL FOR GEORGE BUSH SENIOR THAT IS FUCKING WHAT.
mhari: ........................................ ..............
mhari: oh ok.
rainbowjehan: ....
mhari: what in the world did you just watch. XD
rainbowjehan: you know what? I WAS NOT FAZED. NOT UNTIL THAT.

Comments

[tinyammmy]

...we are thrilled to have you for dinner. *snerk*

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

THAT IS A DIRECT QUOTE.

[eremon-lass.livejournal.com]

Oh my Soylent Green, this is kind of amazing. I must find this film.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

It's on Netflix. The Washingtonians.

[tomecatti.livejournal.com]

EXPERT: IS YOUR DAUGHTER A VIRGIN?
OUR HERO: NO SHE IS TEN.

....

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

HE MADE THIS FACE: B( 8( WHEN HE HEARD THAT LINE.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_grayswandir_/]

Wow. Just. Wow.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

I've been on a bad horror film kick lately, but that one kind of stood out. The one about the half-deer half-human lady who had sex with guys and then trampled them to death was pretty good too, though. But it was genuinely funny for unironical reasons, which kind of disqualifies it.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_grayswandir_/]

Wait, so the Washington movie was... non-ironic? O_O

Man, I normally avoid watching movies at all because so many of them are so bad, but cannibal!Washington and trampling-deer-lady sound so bad I may actually have to see them...

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Hell to the yes it was nonironic. I think it was trying to be funny in some places, but the horror elements of the plot were definitely supposed to be genuinely horrific. THOMAS JEFFERSON IS EATEN ALIVE.

The Washingtonians and Deer Woman, from the Masters of Horror series. Netflix has both on instant play.

[reconditarmonia.livejournal.com]

...WTF

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

:D

[josiana.livejournal.com]

OMSB, I remember that film. That shit was bananas. >___>

And now I'm re-watching it, oh dear.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Total bananas. XD

OH GOD ALEX.

[raanve]

I read this last night, and I was snickering in bed while Nick was reading his book, and I think I got a raised eyebrow but I was all, I'm not sure you really want to know.

But now I think I know several people who really, really need to see this film.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

:D :D :D

It is hilariously bad.

[holyschist.livejournal.com]

WHAAAAT OMG HOW DO YOU FIND THESE THINGS.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

By using the awesome power of my Netflix account. To-night I will be watching Pelts, which stars Meat Loaf and raccoon pelts of deadly.