Whoever Dances is One with the Universe

WARNING there is some gross stuff in this post.

The doctor at school is magic. MAGIC. She has accurately diagnosed me with half a dozen things since I came here that baffled the hospital (which is not, admittedly, a very good hospital, but still).

So I came in yesterday and went HERE ARE MY SX:

--no sense of balance
--fever
--congestion (BLOOD IN MY MUCUS WHAT EVEN)
--hot and cold flashes
--severe headache
--pain in my ears
--unbelievable spinal and neck pain
--full-body spasms

and the nurse (who is really great!) went ";___; i have no idea, here is gatorade and mucinex and come back to-morrow when the doctor is in". So I came back to-day, she listened to my list, stuck a light in my ear and went, "Yup. Thought so. Worst ear infection I've ever seen." Seriously, she's magic!

Like last semester, when I came in and was like "my whole mouth has been numb for two weeks and my tongue is coated in white stuff and nobody knows what it is" and she was like "pfff, I know a vitamin B deficiency when I see one, take B12 until it clears up" and it DID. In like TWO DAYS. because she is AMAZING.

She also found a magical yeast infection medication that I can take without having an allergic reaction, and prescribed the first thing that has ever worked for my migraines, and also always tries to make sure stuff is affordable.

I am making this post to remind myself and others that not all doctors are evil. >_>

AND NOW TO CATCH UP ON ALL THE WORK I HAVE MISSED OVER THE LAST FOUR DAYS.

Dear Mr. Doctor:

Not being able to afford healthcare is not a moral failing, nor is it a fact that if people chose they could "give up their addictions" to things like cars and mortgage payments.

Thank you and good-night.
Soujin

p.s. Was your cologne 'eau de white male entitlement'? I think you applied it a little heavily this morning. Just thought you should know.

Well, I have no idea what to do with my life, for the record.

I'm still doing med school prerequisites, and working on my religion major, and actually planning my senior thesis, which I am really psyched about, but I have no idea what kind of career I want and whether I should still bother trying to get into med school, after the disaster of my internship.

And I think maybe the Depakote is making me more depressed. I don't know whether that's unreasonable or not; I just feel like I've been sadder lately. But maybe that's just me. I wish I knew.

I go from being really happy to kind of wanting to find a quiet place to cry, which is where I am now. But I'm also reading about saints, which I think is cool and I really like, so maybe I just need to go and hide somewhere with my saints book and see if that helps.

I wish I didn't feel so weird and inconclusive.

a handful of stuff:

Teeny Tiny Old Hospice Patient: [proudly] That's my grandson's picture! He's a teacher. He has nine autistic kids right now.
Hospice Nurse: [to Soujin, kindly, under her breath] She means artistic.

why do teenage boys smell so funny? I've changed my mind, I'm not bi, I'm a lesbian. ick. and he changed HIS mind, so I didn't get to see a cryo treatment yesterday.

took the pink pill. turns out the rabbit hole is full of sleep.

petitmorte wtf kill me.

got my first parking ticket yesterday, did NOT have a nervous breakdown, did NOT cry on the police officer, really pleased about that. of course, still have to pay the ticket. not crying means they don't decide to waive the fine.

secretary called me up to hospice to-day: hey, nancy, dr. [soujin] is here from afp. that was kind of an ego-booster, let's be honest.

( One Week's Shadow )

Well, my life has always been a series of disasters of different kinds--big disasters, little disasters, the housing disaster--which I managed to fix myself, by finding the one room in Altoona that was willing to rent for six weeks for under five-hundred dollars--the car disaster--they didn't tell me that this internship requires a car, and I haven't got one, so we're currently trying to fix that problem, but for now I am biking the mile and a half between my home and the home office; once I have transportation I will be going to the Williamsburg and other rural offices. It's a little overwhelming.

Also on the way home to-day I stopped to buy groceries, and when I got out of the store it was pouring rain--I walked through it, and I've finally started to try off, but my crackers are somewhat damp. I bought crackers and cheese and bread and peanut butter and rice cakes and some soup and a rotisserie chicken, and that's what I'll be living off for the next three weeks, probably, but I can handle that.

Anyway, yesterday I stopped in Huntingdon to get the key for my room and the lady's dog was having her first litter of puppies, and the lady was having a panic attack, so I was impromptu midwife to a prize-winning Shitzu. For some reason she couldn't figure out what to do with the puppies once she got them out, so I had to tear the amniotic sac, and as soon as I'd done that she got right to work cleaning the puppies and eating the placenta and all the normal stuff, so she was fine, she just didn't touch them while they weren't breathing or moving and I had to help with that. And I got blood and amniotic fluid all over me, but it was worth it.

And now I am exhausted and think that I will take a nap. I am really working, guys, forty hours a week, eight to five with an hour for lunch. One of the doctors made us do treatment plans for his patients to-day, it was amazing, I got to write up differentials and treatments and roleplay an office visit for a patient with epilepsy.

Okay! Nap!