Whoever Dances is One with the Universe

So I finally finished the last book in Gerald Morris' Arthurian series. I had been getting steadily more disappointed, as the last three or four books were kind of awful, but the last one was actually really good. I mean, evil!2-D!Mordred, but I've really given up on that front. And yeah. I cried. At my client's house, stealthily, while she was napping and watching The Waltons. >_> I would say Mr. Morris has seen himself off with a pleasing dignity.

BUT now I am all sad b/c all my dumb Arthurian boys are dead, so obvs. this is your cue to ask for porn of them, as I am doing: THIS MEME (which shall be called This Meme):

01 » Submit a pairing (or threesome, or solo person) and a prompt by replying to this post.

02 » Please use the following format: fandom, pairing, prompt.

03 » I'll then reply with five* sentences of smut. [The original meme does say that you can request gen/other non-smutty things, but I'll say straight up that I'd prefer to flex my porn muscles (that was a TERRIBLE thing to say) and so would prefer that request. Having said that, y'all can of course request whatever you'd like, and I may even turn some requests into gen depending on how I feel about my ability to write the smut. Also, I guess "solo person" here refers to masturbation in the context of smut? Which I'm fine with too!] <-- so said blindmadness and julietveiled, so say I.

04 » If I can't do the prompt then I will beg for your forgiveness, and offer it up to others let you select another if you'd like.

This is not really restricted to Arthuriana. I also write Sherlock, Westmark, certain historical novels, Shakespeare, and can probably be conned into others if you remind me of what they are (when I'm done I will tag this post with the appropriate fandoms).

Give two characters from any of my fandoms and I will tell you-- no matter how ridiculous the pairing-- the following about their first child (if they are canonically a couple with children, I will make up an uncanon child.)
A. Name
B. Zodiac Sign and/or Hogwarts House
C. Circumstances of Conception
D. PB/Appearance
E. Three Random Facts

RPs count as fandoms. >_> I am having a bad day and don't want to deal with homework, what.

Also, upload me your favourite song of the moment, then post this on your journal so I can do the same.

Style meme!

( Silliness! Britannia folks only, this go-around )

And, bonus, one for mhari:

Laura Ross
Height: 5'10"
Build: Thin, but sturdy, and highly muscular
Hair: Long, red, and prone to tangles
Style: Sweaters and jeans. She prefers dark colours, blacks, browns, greys, subdued greens and navys, and the occasional porridge-y beige. Clothes are very much not her thing.
Pajamas: In the Army she slept in her uniform pants and an undershirt. As a civilian, she wears a long cotton/poly green nightgown of her mother's, and it always makes her feel weird.

---

in other news, I am finally not sick again--apparently, you subject your body to one little bout of hypoglycaemia on a Friday and you spend the next three days dying of a fever and massive digestive system trauma. Also, I'm allergic to bee stings after all. My hand is finally not the size of a grapefruit any more, but pffffffft.

My to-do list is absolutely heinous, and a good two-thirds of it has to be done to-night. Also, turns out the study abroad application is due Friday.

I'm so tired it feels like my head is floating, which is not helping, nor is the headache I have had literally all day.

I feel like all I ever do any more is complain, but oh, my God, this is the week from hell. I don't even know. I went to a Beyond Tolerance event about privilege which was very cool but I didn't really have time to do it, and now I am going to steal another dose of motrin from Liz, hide in my bed with my homework, and weep over the fail that is my life.

skaryma, if you're not too busy, do you think we could play Ivy and Ken meeting on refried_scenes or something? I want to do something relaxing when I finally emerge from my chrysalis of mla citations.

--oh, on the plus side, I think I passed my French oral!

Dear subconscious: please no more Kay/Bedivere dreams. It is extremely disconcerting, especially when they look like their PBs on Britannia.

In other news, Thanksgiving break starts to-day, and since we have little/no internet at home, I'll be AWoL most probably until Sunday. Apologies to everybody I rp with!

And when I get back, it will be time for the annual christmas card poll, so that's exciting. ...I might haved stayed up too late last night. I am very sleepy.

I love you, mhari.

Ten facts about me that you probably don't know:

1. I have a xenophilia kink. A lot. This is probably one of the biggest reasons I like multifandom roleplays, and also why I find Spock/Kirk so attractive: Spock's anatomy is roughly human, but Vulcans have sex with their hands. Bwee! &c.

2. I'm afraid of elevators. I have tried but still can find absolutely no rational basis for this fear.

3. I once gave a sermon to a nursing home because the priest failed to show. I don't remember a lot about it, but I think the general gist was that when you're sick or dying and you're so tired of being sick and you think that God doesn't love you or is punishing you or something, that isn't the case.

4. I actually did go to public school for four years. They were not the best four years of my life.

5. I weigh, give or take a little, about ten pounds less than I did on the first day I started dieting, shortly after my fourteenth birthday. Since then we have spent literally thousands of dollars on medicine, psychiatrists, therapists, and hospital stays. It was not worth it. It will never, never have been worth it.

6. I have hyperacuism for sounds and textures. I was diagnosed over spring break but I never told anybody.

7. I played piano for five years. If you asked me to-day to find middle C, I would have absolutely no clue.

8. I would love to have a pet snake. I think snakes are really, really beautiful, and I love the texture of their skins and the way they taste the air. A girl at school has one and he likes to burrow holes in his bedding and create catacombs. Also, she let me hold him once, and he went down my shirt and curled up in my bra because it was warm there. He was such a sweetheart. As a farmer's daughter, I've grown up with the mindset that snakes are your friend, and whenever I see them sunning themselves on the road I chase them off. Otherwise people will try to hit them. I am always really sad when I see a snake hit on the road, because you know someone probably did it on purpose; people don't try to hit the fuzzy stuff, like rabbits and squirrels, but they sure as hell go out of their way to hit snakes.

9. Of all my characters, I'm most like Sagramore. I would love for this not to be true, but it is. And that's (one of) the reason(s) I don't drink: I'm ninety-five percent sure I would abuse alcohol if I drank it. That's also the reason I don't wear my seatbelt in the car, why I always take double the recommended dose of aspirin, and why I sometimes stay up all night to dare my brain to function on whatever grasp of sleep I give it. Also why I walk across the street in front of cars, also why I fall in love so freely (and usually unsuccessfully), also why I feel like I could handle parenthood fairly well, also why Sagramore is so utterly paralysed by the idea of being alone when he needs someone. He has most of my phobias, and I have most of his behaviours. So yeah, that should turn out well for us.

10. I hate peanut butter in sweet foods. I only like it in savoury foods. Peanut butter chicken? yesplz! Peanut butter chocolate? urk.

Meme from saucynusiance: Go to textsfromlastnight and choose one to use as a prompt and I will write you fic off it. Give a character/pairing/whatnot.

OMT day was good--I know some actual therapies now! how crazy is that? Crazy. Also, being protein-starved, I ate six ribs and a plate of pulled pork at the luncheon. >_> On the plus side, I definitely feel more alert. So I think I really was getting low on protein/iron.

My attic is incredibly hot, though. Have put the fan in the window and hope it helps.

Astonishingly bored.

Rp username meme, cottoned from mhari:

( desperatefans, refried_scenes, dear_multiverse, brokedownway, dfgen2, &c )

( britannia_ny, generation_next, forgotten_gods, &c )

And to think Abby thought she had more sock journals than I do.

So, I, you know, I didn't kill myself, it was kind of looking like a good idea for a while there, but I haven't, so.

I've been doing not as good in school as usual, and being very depressed by it, and I keep talking to people who are taking, you know, twenty-three credits or seventeen credits and I'm only taking fourteen (I'm barely scraping by on the credit requirements), and I just failed my first exam in English, and I'm just really frustrated and unhappy about a lot of my classes, and at the same time I feel like I shouldn't be, and I just feel like for a long time now I've wanted to be this perfect daughter, who gets wonderful grades and whose parents don't know anything is wrong--I lie to my parents about things when I've never lied to them before, just so they don't know I'm self-injuring, or depressed, or--it was so hard to admit to Mama to-night that Dr. Hamlett doubled my meds. But she wasn't horrified by the news, and when I said that maybe next semester I'd like to audit some classes, so I could still learn things but I wouldn't have to do all the papers and exams and things, and I thought I'd be a lot calmer if I did that, she said that was a great idea, and she'd done that a lot of times in college.

See, I think I want to be perfect, in a way, I figured I was going to be this girl who has a mental illness, but she's brilliant at things, the way stereotypical mental illnesses always work: you get this amazing payoff in exchange for your brain chemistry being wrong, you're this A student and everybody is so proud of you. The thing is, that's just not going to be the way it works. I can't rely on my crazy to make me good at things. I have to do that myself. And I either have to work myself really, really fucking hard, and get all As, or I have to go at my own pace and be content with the grades I get. Depending on what the class is, and how committed to something I am, I'll pick one or the other. That's how it will always work.

And I keep thinking, you know, this isn't fair, this really isn't fair, that I have to work so hard to do what other people can just do, I have to force myself out of bed in the morning in a way that other people will never have to, I am always going to have to try twice as hard on average than any of my friends will to convince myself not to run away from every social interaction in tears, and you know what? It's not fair. But I can tell God it's not fair, I can tell you it's not fair, and not one single one of you, as much as you love me, as much as God loves me, can turn around and say, You're right, and I will make things fair now. It just won't happen. I have to rely on my doctors and my pills and my friends to help me, and I have to rely on myself to be strong, and that's what I will have to do. There just is no other choice (except actually slitting my wrists/ODing on Vistaril/bicycling into traffic, but at the moment I have that ruled out).

tl;dr I can't help being who I am, but neither can anybody else.

And now, the news:

MY SISTER AND HER PARTNER ARE GOING TO HAVE A BABY. A leetle RebeccaandNatalie baby! Natalie is going to have it. Omg omg omg, you guys. This is the most wonderful news ever. I'll be an aunt! And THEY'LL HAVE A BABY. Eeeeeeeeeee. So so thrilled and excited for them (and me!). Zomg. Baaaaabbie.

( and, of course, a meme. stole off mhari )

Stolen from skaryma!: Gather all your RP journals, list the characters and any AU versions you RP. Open the post to the public so even lurkers can ask the muses questions. Respond with that RP account.

Let's see( cut because OMG HOLY CANOLI there are a lot )